Rainy Days and Missing Gym Handles returns

On Saturday Morning after being hounded by the gentleman who bought our gym from us, Bern and I decided we had better retrieve the offending gym handle from the tree.

We were on our way into the office so I could get my miracle bag which consists of hair dryer and make up for our Sunday trip to the Midlands Meander. A trip we had been looking forward to all week. But there was no ways I was going to go alla -Natural.

We walk to the tree, its raining, and the rain is not soft rain I might add. We stand at the bottom of the tree and peer up into the dark wet yonder and try and think of a way that we will be able to reach the gym handle. Now Cait had told me that Matt simply hung onto the hose pipe to stretch it and then he could reach the handle.

Right this sounds like a plan. The rain is dripping off my nose as I go to look for the ladder so that Bern can reach the hosepipe. We have already locked the house -put the alarms on and as I was walking out I grabbed a knife to cut the hose pipe off the Gym Handle.

Find the Ladder climb up the embankment where the tree and tree house are. OK do a bit of a rain dance as this is getting ridiculous, but we will not be defeated. Bern puts the ladder under the hose pipe. Reaches on her tippy toes to see if she can grab the handle. No such luck. Just too short.

Ok Plan B – Bern grabs hose pipe, pull on it, it stretches, and I am now able to grab it ...only just. It’s wet - it’s slippery, Bern is dangling, and I have a knife in my hand to pass to her.

I grab the hose pipe; wrap the hose pipe around my hands - Nope too slippery! - My hands slip off the hose pipe. It’s pouring down with rain. Bern is now swaying in the breeze. I could use her as one of those Mexican Piñata dolls if I were so inclined. Which I am as I have this wicked sense of humour. I look up at her and can only imagine the horror in her face if I was so walk off and leave her dangling – but I think twice about this and realize this could very well back fire and decided against being mean! I smile up at her and fantasize a little more but then decide it’s time to get serious. (If that is at all possible)

I grab my tracksuit top and pull the arms down over my hands; I form a glove and grab the hose pipe once again.

OK this seems to be working. I am now helping Bern pull the hose Pipe Down. She grabs the knife from me, and let’s go of the hose pipe to grab the handle. Ping!!!! I shoot up, she is on the ladder looking at me doing the jungle Jane swinging on the vines trick.

Bern is now totally useless She can’t see, her eyes are closed she is laughing so much. Jinx thinks this is the best sight she has seen in ages and nips at my toes. I am holding on for dear life hoping that my grip does not loosen. I am laughing so much that I am now weak, I scream at Bern to Grab the hosepipe, which she duly tries to do, but she is blinded by her tears. I am pulling my legs up to get them away from Jinx and her excited yaps and nips at my dangling feet.

I swing, the rain is pouring, and Bern is standing precariously on the ladder trying to gain her composure to grab the hose pipe. She is now on tippy toes and finally reaches the gym handle. I now let go of the house pipe and I have lost all strength in my body from my braying outburst of rippling laughter and she shoots off the ladder and is handing on the gym handle.

Well I collapse on the floor in hysterical laughter. Jinx and Fiona and Little Boy join in on the fun and I am trodden muddy and dirty and kissed and rolled on and used as a trampoline. Bern is hanging on the Gym handle, trying to reach the ladder with her outstretched foot. She is demanding I help her. I cannot see her eyes as she is laughing so hard her eyes have become permanently glued together.

I know I have to help her because if she falls she will really hurt her not so strong back. So I climb on the ladder, grab her; pull her towards the now tippling ladder. Grab onto the hose pipe and hang on to it for dear life. Finally the gym handle is within reach to cut the hose pipe. Bern Warns me not to let go as she can see herself catapulting off over the wall and landing up in the neighbour’s yard. Well this is too much for my already sore stomach muscles as I have not stopped screeching with laughter and I barley manage to hold on.

Saw saw, saw saw, the knife is blunt. So there I am hanging on the hose pipe being jerked around like a puppet while Bern tries to saw through the hose pipe which is stretched as far as it will go but she is still working on the tips of her toes!.

I look up and imagine the final cut through the hose pipe and am expecting Bern to come tumbling down into me. I hold my breath and pray as every jerking movement of the blunt knife brings me close to me becoming one with the mud at the bottom of the tree.

Whoosh, the Gym handle is now free. Bern manages to stay on the ladder and I manage to keep come composure as I hold my stomach in agony as it is aching from the loud whaling, painful fits of giggles I had been experiencing.

We walk to the car, moan about the irresponsible behaviour of Matt. Decide we don’t look so bad or so dirty, I mean I can put Bern’s jacket on to hide the paw prints, Bern will run in and grab my Miracle Bag, and then she can run into the guy who bought the gym and we could return home to clean up. Oh the joys of having children!!