Cait was attacked in her home this past Tuesday, which in itself was terrifying, and then she had to face the ordeal of being interrogated by our Police officers.
The Police Commissioner refuses to take this attack seriously, quite openly, and verbally told both Sarah and myself that Caitlin had made the whole event up. What really frustrates me and angers me is that the officers could see by the state that Caitlin was in and by the state of her flat that a horrible attack had happened and that the place had been ransacked. These people who we are supposed to trust and rely on and our taxes pay their salaries are untouchable and they rule with terror and have no problems breaking the laws they are there to enforce.
When the criminals run the country and the police force are not to be trained to do their jobs – this is when chaos reigns! Whom do we have to turn to in a time of crime, whom can we trust when we need their protection? The police are worse than the criminals are as they are supposed to protect us and they treat the victims as if they are the criminals. There is no support for victims of crime, there is no support for the damages they have to face, the costs of doctor bills and hospitalization, physiotherapy if required years or medical bills in some very bad cases plus replacing what they have stolen and damaged in the course of their rampage– there is no justice.
The victim is left with night terrors, years of fear – counselling is required and during this time they are expected to function and work and get on with their lives! Many a victim has lost their homes and belongings due to not being able to pay their bills as they try to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives. For some people there is no savings plan – no insurance policy so they fall into the depths of despair and are simply a spectator as they watch their lives crumble and everything they have worked so hard for disappear before their very eyes. For those unfortunate victims who had their bodies violated and their very souls ripped out by the attackers – there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is no “it will heal in time” – there is no relief when the criminals are caught. They live with the memory of how they were violated and they never recover fully.
The criminals on the other hand sell the stolen goods at a price which makes ones blood boil – or they simply keep the goods are a memento of their act of violence to gloat over and re-live the event over and over again– if they ever get caught which is highly unlikely with our justice system – they get free lodge and board and free medical and then the cases is thrown out due to lack of evidence because the police did not follow procedure. What is this world coming to?
Our only form of defence against bad policing is to lodge a complaint with the Police Commissioner and when it turns out that he has been given false information by his officers and he refuses to take your complaint seriously you have only one more option! And that is to lodge a complaint with the ICD Independent Complaints Directorate. You do this in the hopes that someone will follow through and investigate the very people who are paid to protect the citizens of South Africa. Now you do this with very little hope of anything being done – but you do this as a way of making it known that the police are not doing their jobs. You do this in the hopes that someone is actually diligent in their work and will follow through – but you do this with a heavy heart because you may face victimization from the police (more than likely you will face victimization) and you fear that these Police will target the victim and their family and make their life a living hell. So you juggle with the decision as to how safe and how sound your decision is to challenge the Police!!!
Tell me – do you think this is right – that we live in fear of our own Police Force. They rule with terror, they make up the rules to suit them, and nothing is done to discipline them.
What are our choices. We do not want to leave our country – this is our country too – and go where? Only a small percentage of people qualify for the immigration conditions. $250 00, plus degrees, but why should we have to run from our country for safety – why do we have to accept that this is Africa and that it is inevitable that someone you know will be attacked, raped, killed, high jacked – we hear this every day and have become so numb to the horror of the amount of attacks and break ins and murders and rapes that we simply say –Thank God they didn’t…………… what ever – when in fact we should be saying HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN – IT HAS TO STOP NOW!
What is our legacy for our children and our future grandchildren, it is violence and how to deal with it and heal afterwards. Now that is one legacy we do not need to pass on generation to generation. I do not have the answers, I have many questions, and I will continue the fight against crime in our society – but until then, we need make sure our homes are secure – our alarms are activated, our children are safe, our dogs are safe from being poisoned and we have a security company on standby to react to a break in and do what the police are supposed to do for us.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
LACK OF SLEEP - AND ACTION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
I watch TV and turn to look at Bern who is in slumber land. Snoring and as much as I am tempted to feed her the pillow she actually looks so damn cute as she snores.
The little lips vibrating as the spit sprays as she breathes out. Her little cupid lips forming a perfect o as she snores. Aww so cute…….
The dogs are a sleep and the cats pretending to sleep. Not even Jinx is prepared to pay attention to me.
I get this “MOM I am sleeping look through sleepy eyes… and Busta sleeps like the dead and not even an earthquake can move him. I mean he does not even wake up for a biscuit – simply chews it with his eyes closed. Hehehehe.
Little boy is doing his dead act. On his back, pink balls exposed to the world, legs pointing to the sky and he sleeps with his eyes open. Madam Princess Fiona is sleeping next to me and between her and Bern, I am not sure which one snores the loudest….. But it gets better
I now realize Bern was being GASSED. THE DOGS! No not me. The dogs. I was convinced it was more the farts at one time. And the dogs love me so much they sleep next to the bed with their asses facing me. Thanks for that!
These omissions of Gas clearly upset Mofo as she then decides it must be my feet. Coz with no warning or even a hint that she is awake. I simply move my foot and in total innocence touch her. I mean really …it is my bed.
I then get f.... up royally and I shriek and ask Bern to help and she just carries on sleeping. That pillow is looking even more tempting. I am now attached to Mofo permanently as she has dug her claws into my legs as if she is trying to find the implant in my shin. She holds on with her front paws and rips the skin of my calf as she tried to work her way to the front of my shin. A little chain saw massacre all on her own.
Angel sees this happening, opens her eyes and peeps at me while I shriek and am too scared to move. She thinks this is fun and dive bombs Mofo and I of course use this as my escape. Well short lived escape because I of course move my legs… now this mean a moving target for Mofo and angel. I Frikin give up.
And my Bern just sleeps through this horrendous attack on me.
Finally the house is quiet, the bloody TV changes to parking wars on Crime and Investigation and I just cannot turn my brain off and ignore these bloody meter maids ticketing the people in the USA coz they really are a sandwich short of a lunch box. I mean really. And they love their jobs. Sadistic shits.
So in desperation I climb out of bed, which believe, me is not an easy job. I have to do the splits to step over Jinx and Fiona and place my feet carefully so as not to wake the living Dead Busta. Little boy looks up at me through dazed eyes… sighs and simply plops back down again.
I go to the bedroom door – unlock it, jinx, busta dart out, and I try and beat them to the alarm before the wonder into the lounge. I simply push 106 on mnet the action channel and entice the dogs back into bed. They do this run, trip me in the lounge, and try to herd me into the kitchen in the hopes that I will give them a treat.
At 2.00 am in the morning, the only treat they are gonna get is the treat to be alive! growl!!!!!!
So I lock them in the room. Go back to the alarm – reset it and jump into bed.
All is quiet for a few mins then I hear this thump thump thump on the bedroom door.
Jeeze my heart starts racing. I hope I looked the door. I stop breathing literally and listen. And the dogs are sleeping again. Great watchdogs we have.
I sit up and rock climb over the dogs again. Go to the door. Tell Bern to stop snoring so loud so I can bloody listen to the noise coming from the door.
A cross between a meow and a squeak and screech……. MOFO! She escaped while I went to change channels. Thank goodness, she did not set the alarm off.
I un-lock the door, Busta decides he needs to get out the room to explore for food. I almost rugby tackle him to stop him going out. Am on my knees and this is the perfect opportunity for the dogs to greet me. Jinx has her COWS hoof in her mouth and decides to kiss me with this bloody cows hoof in her mouth.
Oh my G I nearly throw up…… thanks Jinx!
I plop myself so hard on the bed. Bern lifts with the motion on my energetic PLOP on the bed and……………….
She carries on sleeping. I just get settled down when Princess Fiona decides it time to go outside. I humph!!! And Grrrrr and hope Bern will wake up.
I look at her (Bern) either she is really good and pretending g to sleep or she is really in a deep sleep. I am tempted to climb over her to let the dogs out just to wake her up…. And the climbing over Bern is a lot easier than climbing out of bed on my side with the bloody dogs!!!!
Any way I get out of bed. Toddle over to her side of the bed – grab the keys for the security gate. Make sure I rattle the keys very loud, groan, moan, sigh (Sarah you learnt this from me), open the gate, and tell the dogs I Frikin hate them. Slam the security door closed… as if this will make a difference….. It slides into place all quiet and smooth. I throw the keys back onto Bern’s beside table and she sleeps. I climb back into bed, light up a smoke and grumble, moan, and look at Bern who has now turned over facing me. She is no longer on her back. Great! She sleeps. It’s now 2h30am!!!!
Finally, Princess Fiona decides it’s time to come in. Jinx, Fiona and Little boy rush into the room……. Busta???????? No, he is playing in the garden. Picking up a toy, throwing it in the air, pouncing, prancing, and having such fun…. Awwwww cute!! NOT SO MUCH at that time of the morning
I growl at him and he sheepishly stumbles into the bedroom and steps on my toes with his razor sharp toes.
Damn man …….. Now I have a shredded calf and razored toes. I dance the dance of pain and threaten to kill him… now believe me I am not being quiet…. I throw the keys back onto the bedside table. Grab some headache pills. Give Bern’s back a death stare.
Walk around the bed; hit my bloody thigh on the front wire frame of our bed. Now have a bloody bruise there too.
So let’s re-cap
Torn calf shredded to pieces almost to the front of my shin
Razored toes
And Torn muscle in my thigh from the metal bloody frame
AND DOES BERN WAKE UP!!!!!!
No of course not. I finally fall asleep after having to get out of bed one more time to fill the cat’s food bowl and Mommy Kitty is giving me the death stare.
Sleep finally hits me at about 3h00. Cooool…… so I thought. I wake about 20 mins later to
Ohhhhhhh AHHHHHHH oooooooo YES YES YES.
The bloody action channel is really an action channel.
They now have porn on it. I have visions of Bern waking up and thinking I am some type of pervert. I try to turn the sound down and the OFF button does not work on the remote. The sound button is not responding.
I look at the screening horror. They are in a safari in the bushes! O M G and really, who do they think they are fooling… in the bushes with wild animals…..get real people. No one is that horny!!!
In desperation, I push the button for the DVD and watch Shutter Island for the 50th time.
Did Bern wake up………………
I will let you be the judge of that. Hint.........she nearly had the pillow as a HAT!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Reunions and travelling
Reunions and travelling
We left for Johannesburg last Friday for a family reunion. Now I am not good with family functions. Call it stage fright or the fear that someone may just tell me how much weight I have out on and I will be devastated.
Listen people when you see someone after a long time and they have packed on few kgs – do not tell them. Believe me they know – they would already have had to buy a bigger clothes size. In addition, I am sure they have mirrors in their homes that shriek with horror when they stand in front of them. This is not something that happens over night. Only in movies, do people go to bed all thin and skinny and wake up when their bed breaks from the extra weight they have been blessed with.
I mean really just imagine. Off to bed as a size 10, waking up, and not being able to roll out of bed as you have turned into a larger version of yourself. So next time you meet a friend you haven’t seen in years or a family member – get over yourself and take in the larger version of who they are now and just be grateful they are still on this earth and tell them you are so glad to see them. I think the reaction is one of… “oh thank goodness, someone fatter than me has arrived – or “thank goodness I am not the only one who went to bed last night thin and woke up a super sized version of who I used to be…. Trust me, the weight gain is not a surprise to the person you are greeting. They most probably behave in a similar action to how I do before any type of family/friend reunion!
1. Shout out to the world that I really do not want to go
2. Fight with Bern and my kids (Sorry - I will try to be more angelic!)
3. Look at your stretch marks and suddenly blame three pregnancies – forgetting that in between the pregnancies I did manage to regain my figure partly
4. Blame the hysterectomy and storm off in a rage as I reach for another block of chocolate to pacify my already over anxious heart
5. If none of this works, I simply throw all my toys out the cot and refuse to attend the family function and explain it away that I have nothing to wear and I am a big fat beached whale!
Oh, the pressure I put myself under when attending a function. Not only family functions – but mostly family functions – which is so stupid…. They are family for goodness sakes. Families are supposed to be our safety net and our refuge. I am told by the most sweet and loving members of my family to “just get over myself!”
Now this I have to tell you does not help. I am already in a state of panic and am over sensitive and my reaction is not one of “Oh thank you for clearing that up for me – or thank you for putting me straight “ no my reaction is “That’s it I am cancelling and you can bloody well go on your own!”
Talk about over reacting, I swear if there was an Oscar award for over reacting, I would win it hands down every year.
Now if you think this is over reacting – you need to see me when the family get together is being arranged by me.
If it is at my house – I am sure I am possessed by an insane woman who has a need to clean and to check in cupboards and under beds and even go as far as wiping down the walls and ceilings. Now I know there is a medical explanation, ADD or something or as my Sarah says Mom YOU are O D D.
I was not always like this (that is what I tell myself) but after the horror of horrors 1st mother-in-law - I am particularly sensitive. She would choose to come and visit when I was busy feeding Sarah and Mathew when Sarah was three and Mat was one. Trying to cope with being mom or two, keep the house clean, and cope with two hours sleep while the ever so helpful hubby was out playing sports, working, or visiting his friends. She would arrive unannounced and catch me in the middle of a food fight with Sarah who loved feeding time. This was her time to make sure she redecorated the room with food. Mathew would join in by blowing bubbles, either spitting out the food or simply throwing his plate across the room or at me. Food time was game time.
I would then greet this witch covered in baby food, yellow mashed baby food and she would take one look at me and remind me that I was not her choice for a wife for her perfect son. She then would tell me that he grew up in a clean tidy home and never had to live like this. Never mind that she had three helpers to assist her run her home and she had a nanny to look after her children. I would then find myself running around trying to clean up to stop her lamenting painful voice and Sarah of course would think this was a new game. As fast as I tried to tidy, she would toddle all over and unpack what I was trying to hide. Mathew would take one look at his grandmother and walk up to her, pull the teat off his bottle, pour it on the floor where she was standing, and then waddle off with a giggle.
I think they could sense my need for escape when their witch Grandmother arrived. Hence, my reasons for panicking when people are arriving at our house or when I am planning a family function. My family reminds me that the visitors are not going to check the cupboards, the walls, under the beds, the are simply going to visit and have fun…….. Oh yeah – I say wait until your grandmother visits. She checks everything and then tell me to relax!
Years of abuse, I tell you – years of abuse!!! Poor Sarah had to put up with my state of panic when I was arranging her 21st. I cancelled her 21st so many times in times of stress but we still went ahead with it. I do get over my nerves and on the night am quite in control of my insanity. So there is light at the end of the tunnel.
This weekend family reunion was wonderful. So great to catch up and not once did I stumble and fall or spill my drink on a laptop. Only fought with Bern once before we went to the dinner -Overall it was a great success.
The highlight for Bern and I was seeing her mom who was not told we were coming so she was thrilled at the surprise. We also were fortunate enough to stay with Sarah and Cait joined us. Mathew was away for the weekend. Staying with Sarah is such fun. Wall to wall people in her little place – and the laughter just flows – I love visiting them and hopefully they love having us.
We arrived with gifts for the kids- The 3 ginger kittens; Picola, Jazz and Scaffy!
The trip to Johannesburg was great fun. We were serenaded all the way. Six hours of varying meowing sounds. Some quite loud and pitched – some cute as they played and it was fun and games keeping them happy. We tried the box thing – but they did not like the box and escaped. Once they settled down in the car, it became an adventure for them. They played and scrambled everywhere and Bern was their favourite place to sleep. Shame poor babies - it was a long strip for them
My girls have told me they are settling in nicely in their new homes. They see the girls as part of their jungle gym and kept them up last night playing. Welcome to being a parent to an animal. They come first! We are the experts on animals come first. On our arrival, we unpacked the car and the dogs decided that they would never be left behind again and jumped right into the boot. Awwwww cute man. It took some time to persuade them to get out the boot and join us in the house. Animals are so clever!
Well now, I have to get my mind right for the next family get together. Christmas dinners, and family events and the journey ahead. At least I have another month to prepare for this and have the added stress of worrying about buying just the right gifts! Oh dear where has the joy gone of what this day is supposed to mean. This is something I will be working on in the next month to bring back the joy of what Christmas means, stop being such a worrywart, and just go with the flow.
I will get it right! I will not stress about stuff I can do nothing about! I will accept I cannot lose 10kgs in a month! I will overcome my need to panic. I will Get Over Myself!!!!!!
We left for Johannesburg last Friday for a family reunion. Now I am not good with family functions. Call it stage fright or the fear that someone may just tell me how much weight I have out on and I will be devastated.
Listen people when you see someone after a long time and they have packed on few kgs – do not tell them. Believe me they know – they would already have had to buy a bigger clothes size. In addition, I am sure they have mirrors in their homes that shriek with horror when they stand in front of them. This is not something that happens over night. Only in movies, do people go to bed all thin and skinny and wake up when their bed breaks from the extra weight they have been blessed with.
I mean really just imagine. Off to bed as a size 10, waking up, and not being able to roll out of bed as you have turned into a larger version of yourself. So next time you meet a friend you haven’t seen in years or a family member – get over yourself and take in the larger version of who they are now and just be grateful they are still on this earth and tell them you are so glad to see them. I think the reaction is one of… “oh thank goodness, someone fatter than me has arrived – or “thank goodness I am not the only one who went to bed last night thin and woke up a super sized version of who I used to be…. Trust me, the weight gain is not a surprise to the person you are greeting. They most probably behave in a similar action to how I do before any type of family/friend reunion!
1. Shout out to the world that I really do not want to go
2. Fight with Bern and my kids (Sorry - I will try to be more angelic!)
3. Look at your stretch marks and suddenly blame three pregnancies – forgetting that in between the pregnancies I did manage to regain my figure partly
4. Blame the hysterectomy and storm off in a rage as I reach for another block of chocolate to pacify my already over anxious heart
5. If none of this works, I simply throw all my toys out the cot and refuse to attend the family function and explain it away that I have nothing to wear and I am a big fat beached whale!
Oh, the pressure I put myself under when attending a function. Not only family functions – but mostly family functions – which is so stupid…. They are family for goodness sakes. Families are supposed to be our safety net and our refuge. I am told by the most sweet and loving members of my family to “just get over myself!”
Now this I have to tell you does not help. I am already in a state of panic and am over sensitive and my reaction is not one of “Oh thank you for clearing that up for me – or thank you for putting me straight “ no my reaction is “That’s it I am cancelling and you can bloody well go on your own!”
Talk about over reacting, I swear if there was an Oscar award for over reacting, I would win it hands down every year.
Now if you think this is over reacting – you need to see me when the family get together is being arranged by me.
If it is at my house – I am sure I am possessed by an insane woman who has a need to clean and to check in cupboards and under beds and even go as far as wiping down the walls and ceilings. Now I know there is a medical explanation, ADD or something or as my Sarah says Mom YOU are O D D.
I was not always like this (that is what I tell myself) but after the horror of horrors 1st mother-in-law - I am particularly sensitive. She would choose to come and visit when I was busy feeding Sarah and Mathew when Sarah was three and Mat was one. Trying to cope with being mom or two, keep the house clean, and cope with two hours sleep while the ever so helpful hubby was out playing sports, working, or visiting his friends. She would arrive unannounced and catch me in the middle of a food fight with Sarah who loved feeding time. This was her time to make sure she redecorated the room with food. Mathew would join in by blowing bubbles, either spitting out the food or simply throwing his plate across the room or at me. Food time was game time.
I would then greet this witch covered in baby food, yellow mashed baby food and she would take one look at me and remind me that I was not her choice for a wife for her perfect son. She then would tell me that he grew up in a clean tidy home and never had to live like this. Never mind that she had three helpers to assist her run her home and she had a nanny to look after her children. I would then find myself running around trying to clean up to stop her lamenting painful voice and Sarah of course would think this was a new game. As fast as I tried to tidy, she would toddle all over and unpack what I was trying to hide. Mathew would take one look at his grandmother and walk up to her, pull the teat off his bottle, pour it on the floor where she was standing, and then waddle off with a giggle.
I think they could sense my need for escape when their witch Grandmother arrived. Hence, my reasons for panicking when people are arriving at our house or when I am planning a family function. My family reminds me that the visitors are not going to check the cupboards, the walls, under the beds, the are simply going to visit and have fun…….. Oh yeah – I say wait until your grandmother visits. She checks everything and then tell me to relax!
Years of abuse, I tell you – years of abuse!!! Poor Sarah had to put up with my state of panic when I was arranging her 21st. I cancelled her 21st so many times in times of stress but we still went ahead with it. I do get over my nerves and on the night am quite in control of my insanity. So there is light at the end of the tunnel.
This weekend family reunion was wonderful. So great to catch up and not once did I stumble and fall or spill my drink on a laptop. Only fought with Bern once before we went to the dinner -Overall it was a great success.
The highlight for Bern and I was seeing her mom who was not told we were coming so she was thrilled at the surprise. We also were fortunate enough to stay with Sarah and Cait joined us. Mathew was away for the weekend. Staying with Sarah is such fun. Wall to wall people in her little place – and the laughter just flows – I love visiting them and hopefully they love having us.
The trip to Johannesburg was great fun. We were serenaded all the way. Six hours of varying meowing sounds. Some quite loud and pitched – some cute as they played and it was fun and games keeping them happy. We tried the box thing – but they did not like the box and escaped. Once they settled down in the car, it became an adventure for them. They played and scrambled everywhere and Bern was their favourite place to sleep. Shame poor babies - it was a long strip for themMy girls have told me they are settling in nicely in their new homes. They see the girls as part of their jungle gym and kept them up last night playing. Welcome to being a parent to an animal. They come first! We are the experts on animals come first. On our arrival, we unpacked the car and the dogs decided that they would never be left behind again and jumped right into the boot. Awwwww cute man. It took some time to persuade them to get out the boot and join us in the house. Animals are so clever!
I will get it right! I will not stress about stuff I can do nothing about! I will accept I cannot lose 10kgs in a month! I will overcome my need to panic. I will Get Over Myself!!!!!!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
 |
| Picola, Jazz, Scaffy |
Zoo has kept Bern and I entertained and up many, a night and we would not trade it for the world.
The kittens are doing well. 5 weeks only this coming Friday and so cute and so sweet but still not eating on their own properly.It seems the kittens chosen for the children all fit perfectly with their new owners.
Picola: Sarah’s baby girl – she is so damn cute, and we had to entice her out the box, which had been her home for 4 weeks when we increased their living area in the spare room. Now Picola loves to sleep and not be disturbed. She lies on her bed and watches you with blarey eyes when you enter the room to check up on them. The glare she gives you is one of “Humph! You are disturbing my sleep now get out…. and she shrugs and goes right back to sleep. If you pick her up, she yawns, stretches, and promptly falls asleep in your hands.
We have found her sleeping through her brothers play time and what amazes us is they are chewing on her ears or tail of lying on top of her playing and tumbling. The only difference is Picola does not sigh the sigh of “I have had enough” the way Sarah does.Sarah explained how Cait always wakes her, bumps her, and stumbles onto her and how this is just too much. Cait of course added that Sarah thinks she is taller than she is and this sticking her legs off the bottom of the bed is just plain bad manners.. So cute to see them squabble. Well with this in mind and one of the last discussions we had -I fell asleep sure in the knowledge that I would sleep through the night. This was not to be, at 4h30 I awoke and had to use the facilities. I carefully put my foot on the floor in the dark so as not to wake anyone up by putting the light on – after being told how much Sarah hates being disturbed I decided for once in my life not to wake her up and talk to her in the early hours of the morning. Besides, I had no idea where the light switch was. I put my foot out the bed and tried to find the floor only to find I was exploring Sarah’s head with my toes.
She sighed and said a really bad word and I quickly apologized and said, sorry baby I am trying to find the floor to go to the ladies. She just sighed again, used the bad word again and rolled over. Well I finally managed to find walking space but I did trip over Cait’s legs and Dom’s feet while trying to make my way to the ladies. It was literally wall-to-wall people or better description floor-to-floor people.
Cait did not wake up or even budge; she lay there like a sack of potatoes with her mouth in a dropped jaw look… very cute. Dom looked up at me and smiled at me and then giggled and went back to sleep. Sarah……. She growled at me twice. The return trip was even more fun. I decided not to venture into the hibernating bear’s cave and climbed over Bern who got the fright of her life and proceeded to catapult me nearly off the bed and I grabbed onto her and she yelled and nearly Karate chopped me and Sarah sighed again. I mean really – her mother nearly landed up being mince meat against her wall. The crime scene people would not have been able to identify me after I was catapulted and then karate chopped by Bern and what do I get for trying not to disturb her again.. A sigh.
Picola and Sarah will have a wonderful life together. They will curl up in bed and watch the world go by with bleary eyes and G help Anyone who has the courage to enter the Cave!
Jazz: Mathews’ kitten .He is an active little bugger and is always bullying Picola and Cait’s kitten - Scaffy is full of life and a real clown and a climber already. Full of beans, naughtiness, and he is the first one to eat. He climbs into the kitten pebbles with such relish and delight and all you can see is his hind legs and he burrows into the food hardly coming up for breath. He then sneak attacks his sister and brother and runs off in slow motion (as they are still unstable on their feet) to attack his mommies tail.
Now this is typical Mathew behaviour as well. He teases and plays fights with his sisters. When Sarah is sleeping, he makes it his mission to wake her just to be sighed at. Caitlin is his toy and he picks her up and swings around as if she is a doll. He also loves his food. When he was overseas, all he said to me was he missed my food. Thanks for that Mat. Makes me feel real loved. Two weeks ago, he popped in for a visit here in Durban. He accompanied Cait on the journey, as she was a little nervous to drive with the linehaul truck coming from Johannesburg, which is understandable. We had a lovely dinner on Saturday night and true to form, he climbed into the food and mumbled that my food was great. I was unable to finish my steak and out it in the fridge along with a piece of sausage.
The next morning while I was making breakfast I asked who had eaten my steak (I knew it could only be Matt) and Bern reminded him that he was now a guest in the house. He very sheepishly said he did not know it was my steak. Well then whose steak was it, not his is what I replied and told him he was not cool. He knew it was not his steak and that it could only be mine as I always have steak left over. And he grinned his big shiny grin at me and said sorry mom, I didn’t know.
Well I said, “what didn’t know it was my steak or that I would actually want to eat my steak for breakfast… his reply “No mom, I didn’t know you would mind and tried to look all sorry for himself and then tried to ruffle my hair…… see just like his kitten ruffling his mom’s hair. Monster and he just gets away with it. So it’s no surprise that Jazz is the first one to eat. He started by eating his mom’s food and now has his own kitty pebbles. He teases his sleeping sister piccolo and rough and tumbles with Scaffy Cait’s kitten.
Mathew and Jazz will be best friends and Mat had better check his back pack before he leaves for work because Jazz will either be looking for food or has decided to go along for the adventure
Scaffy: Cait’s kitten. He craves attention. Loves to have his tummy tickled. He was the first one to leave the safety of the box to venture out and he was the first one to climb up Bern’s leg and squeak for attention. He is playful, loving, and demanding attention all the time. If Picola and Jazz are drinking off their mom and he wants attention, he simply climbs on top of them and wriggles his way in dislodging them from their place of feeding. Scaffy also gets away with murder – be it chewing on his mom’s tail, nose, eyes, ears or pretty much, whatever he feels like chewing on, he is also the one who starts the rough and tumble and will be the first one who climbs onto the bed. A real little adventurer.
Caity loves easily, plays easily, and is the adventurous one. I have always said that even a volcano would not scare her. She would simply pick up a stone and throw it at the spewing volcano and tell it to behave she was not quite finished yet. Cait is the one who will suggest a task or a game or simply be the one who has us giggling along with her. If you wake her up she doesn’t sigh, she smiles and hugs you and goes right back to sleep. Scaffy allows Jazz to wake him and gives him a tap and goes back to sleep.
Caity and Scaffy will no doubt dance together in her lounge and he will climb up her legs and back and sneak attack her in the passage and generally they will play catches and will be great together.
It is almost as if Ally Cat decided she would produce three kittens just right Sarah, mat and Cait. Well-done Ally you did good!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Reflecting on the past year and life in general
Reflecting on the past year and life in general
One day when it is my time to move on – they have a diary so to speak where if they choose they can go back and re-live our shared laughter and tears and hopefully this will help them with their healing as they face life and milestones they will face in the years to come without me.
Let me explain… we all miss out loved ones who have left us and are no longer available to chat to or visit. Moreover, there are many days when I wish I were able to have a bird’s eye view on our lost loved ones lives. When they were growing up or simply how they faced the challenges that I seem to face.
My biggest loss and one I deal with every day is the loss of my parents, more specifically my mother as she was not only my mother she was my best friend. And no, this is not just a cliché, she really understood me and took the time to listen to me and we shared a bond that had this element of a spiritual connection. One I seem to share with my children thank goodness. I am not able to explain it, call it mother's intuition, but my mother knew when things were not great at home. When I was being bullied by my husband or when I felt totally lost as a mother and she would phone me. I of course had not told her what was going on as I wanted to spare her the stress and protect her from my bad choices – but somehow she always knew. She would phone and ask me what was wrong, and I would say I was fine and she would tell me not to lie to her, as she knew "everything was not great." Somehow, she just knew in her heart that my life was in shambles. That my health was suffering, or I was lost or my children were not doing so well. I miss those phone calls and I miss her guidance. She never judged, she never corrected me, she simply allowed me to share my pain and supported me and loved me regardless of what I had done or the choices I had made.
I promised myself that I would try and live up to the very high standards she set as a mother and not be an interfering mother, but to be a mother that my children trusted and knew they could turn to no matter what. I hope I have achieved some of what my mother taught me and I hope my children will forgive me for my failures as I know I have failed them. What mother does not feel she has failed her children – we want so much more for them and we inevitably fail but in my case, I really do try my absolute best to be the mother they deserve. Instinctively I know when they are having a hard time or struggling or simply in a dark place and I phone them and visit them and try to help them face what they are facing. However, I am also realistic, life is short and there will be a day when they will not have me and I hope my blog will give them something to hold onto and remember and re-live our great life we shared. This is why I started the blog and this is why I have decided I will carry on until I either have nothing left to say (no chance of that as I seem to have a lot to say even if it’s of no consequence and I also face situations that can only be described as unbelievable and out of the ordinary) or until I decide I simply have said enough.
There are so many questions I wish I had asked my mother while she was with us, so many things I wish I knew, simple day to day questions and after I left for South Africa I missed my family tremendously. After my mother passed away we had to go through my mother’s belongings, I found her box of mementoes and was able to sit there and go through them and relive memories we shared. I smiled at the fact that she had kept our school reports, our athletic certificates, special moments, letters, pictures and her most treasured box, those gifts her children made for her through the years. Two boxes that she had kept and treasured which I know she looked at when she felt she needed a boost. This helped me with the healing process after she left us with no time to be prepared – she simply went to sleep and never woke up. Her box of treasures helped me face life and get on with what was expected of me.
With this in mind, I decided that I would like my children to be a witness to my life and to things that happen while they live their lives and continue in their journey of life. I like the idea that even though they are not with me, they are aware of what is happening. I also enjoy reminiscing about their childhood as through the years memories fade and incidents become forgotten or simply they were too young to remember them. Sharing my child hood with them is also important I believe, as I know so little about my mother’s childhood. Which is ludicrous as she was my mother – but that is the cycle of life, as children we focus on our immediate surroundings and our little world and its only when we become parents are we aware of how little our children know about our childhood. Hopefully the glimpses I give my children into my childhood help them to know me as a child, a teenager, a young bride, a mother and hopefully one day a grandmother. Like a side show all jumbled up which will mean something to them and make them smile when they need a smile or help them shed their tears when they need to let go and release the pain they feel. The slide show of my life, my love, my challenges, my giggles and mostly my wonderful children who made this all worthwhile and nothing can replace the gift I was given when they entered my life.
So what if my book is never published, this is for my children.
This year has been a year of challenges, changes and new starts. Over the last two weeks I have been asked by my family why I have not blogged and what is going on?
The reason for this is not a simple one. Yes, my life has been filled with events and funny situations but I have to admit that I have been struggling a bit. Now I realize that my blog is not read by the world or even missed and I have had a few more rejections for my proposed books – the one I wrote for my children and a condensed version of my blog. Now I accept that I am not great literary genius and the book I wrote for my children 13 years ago was written out of desperation to communicate with my children while they were living with their dad during a traumatic time and we were all lost, hurt, and shattered.
Re-writing the children’s book has been a revelation and if no one ever wants to publish it then so be it. I will have it printed and bound for my children and this little story based on them and the imaginary world I created can be shared with their children and I will edit it and give to them as I intended to do all those years ago. As for my blog, I have been distracted with the publishers who want me to pay towards getting the book published and agents who admit they have not even read the prescribed pages I sent to them. Or the stereo type response, we appreciate your decision to send us your manuscript – however we are too busy or the content is not what we specialize in – or whatever they decide is the best way to say they think your work sucks and they would never represent me….. So I was a little distracted and had to accept that my daily occurrences or simple life is exactly that – simply put “My Life” I needed to remember why I started the blog in the first place.
Sarah asked me to do it and my friend Christine encouraged me to start my blog to share my funny moments, or my moments of tears as they were fun to read and interesting. This was never meant to be a book; it was a way to keep in touch with my family and my friends. After it was suggested I try to get it published, I began to focus on what is expected and what would be commercially viable and I believe lost the thread of what I was actually doing. Instead of writing because I love it and updating my family, I became concerned with what was acceptable to write about and what would be considered offensive and what may be construed in the wrong way – instead of just being me and letting it flow – I worried about diction and sentence structure and lost the joy of writing. I ask myself now while I sit here – why should I care. So what – my sentences may not be perfect, my word structure incorrect, comments made about how I write distracted me and criticism made me doubt myself ….. It is not as if I have many followers and it not as if my life will affect anyone else. This blog was created for my children first and foremost.
One day when it is my time to move on – they have a diary so to speak where if they choose they can go back and re-live our shared laughter and tears and hopefully this will help them with their healing as they face life and milestones they will face in the years to come without me.
Let me explain… we all miss out loved ones who have left us and are no longer available to chat to or visit. Moreover, there are many days when I wish I were able to have a bird’s eye view on our lost loved ones lives. When they were growing up or simply how they faced the challenges that I seem to face. My biggest loss and one I deal with every day is the loss of my parents, more specifically my mother as she was not only my mother she was my best friend. And no, this is not just a cliché, she really understood me and took the time to listen to me and we shared a bond that had this element of a spiritual connection. One I seem to share with my children thank goodness. I am not able to explain it, call it mother's intuition, but my mother knew when things were not great at home. When I was being bullied by my husband or when I felt totally lost as a mother and she would phone me. I of course had not told her what was going on as I wanted to spare her the stress and protect her from my bad choices – but somehow she always knew. She would phone and ask me what was wrong, and I would say I was fine and she would tell me not to lie to her, as she knew "everything was not great." Somehow, she just knew in her heart that my life was in shambles. That my health was suffering, or I was lost or my children were not doing so well. I miss those phone calls and I miss her guidance. She never judged, she never corrected me, she simply allowed me to share my pain and supported me and loved me regardless of what I had done or the choices I had made.
I promised myself that I would try and live up to the very high standards she set as a mother and not be an interfering mother, but to be a mother that my children trusted and knew they could turn to no matter what. I hope I have achieved some of what my mother taught me and I hope my children will forgive me for my failures as I know I have failed them. What mother does not feel she has failed her children – we want so much more for them and we inevitably fail but in my case, I really do try my absolute best to be the mother they deserve. Instinctively I know when they are having a hard time or struggling or simply in a dark place and I phone them and visit them and try to help them face what they are facing. However, I am also realistic, life is short and there will be a day when they will not have me and I hope my blog will give them something to hold onto and remember and re-live our great life we shared. This is why I started the blog and this is why I have decided I will carry on until I either have nothing left to say (no chance of that as I seem to have a lot to say even if it’s of no consequence and I also face situations that can only be described as unbelievable and out of the ordinary) or until I decide I simply have said enough.
There are so many questions I wish I had asked my mother while she was with us, so many things I wish I knew, simple day to day questions and after I left for South Africa I missed my family tremendously. After my mother passed away we had to go through my mother’s belongings, I found her box of mementoes and was able to sit there and go through them and relive memories we shared. I smiled at the fact that she had kept our school reports, our athletic certificates, special moments, letters, pictures and her most treasured box, those gifts her children made for her through the years. Two boxes that she had kept and treasured which I know she looked at when she felt she needed a boost. This helped me with the healing process after she left us with no time to be prepared – she simply went to sleep and never woke up. Her box of treasures helped me face life and get on with what was expected of me. With this in mind, I decided that I would like my children to be a witness to my life and to things that happen while they live their lives and continue in their journey of life. I like the idea that even though they are not with me, they are aware of what is happening. I also enjoy reminiscing about their childhood as through the years memories fade and incidents become forgotten or simply they were too young to remember them. Sharing my child hood with them is also important I believe, as I know so little about my mother’s childhood. Which is ludicrous as she was my mother – but that is the cycle of life, as children we focus on our immediate surroundings and our little world and its only when we become parents are we aware of how little our children know about our childhood. Hopefully the glimpses I give my children into my childhood help them to know me as a child, a teenager, a young bride, a mother and hopefully one day a grandmother. Like a side show all jumbled up which will mean something to them and make them smile when they need a smile or help them shed their tears when they need to let go and release the pain they feel. The slide show of my life, my love, my challenges, my giggles and mostly my wonderful children who made this all worthwhile and nothing can replace the gift I was given when they entered my life.
So what if my book is never published, this is for my children.
Family Reunions and 80th Birthday
Family Reunions and 80th Birthday
Last weekend Bern and I went to Johannesburg for my Aunts 80th Birthday. I should have known by how nervous I was that this was not going to be an evening of celebrations and toasts and good food.
My nerves were in a state because I had not seen most of the guests for many years and some of them I had seen last when I was still married to my first husband 20 years ago. A lot has changed since then obviously, I love my family, and I realize that not all of them were aware of my decisions and choices and my life with Bern. A decision that has changed my life and given me a place I can call home and feel safe. Now my life changing choice has never been a secret and we have connected through face book so I would have thought they had seen the photos of Bern and I and my status, however I was nervous because I expected the inevitable questions.
We were late for the surprise party even though we left with plenty of time to get to the venue… but the traffic had other ideas and to add insult to injury there was road works on the high way bringing the traffic to one lane and to further complicate matters there was a super link truck which had overturned on the highway. This added to my nerves and my state of panic increased. My Aunt whose birthday it was is a special soft gentle person who is absolutely adorable. She had met Bern and was aware of Bern being in my life, but I think possibly she did not fully understand our commitment, and simply accepted that Bern was sharing a home with me. Bern and I made the decision not to make a big thing of it and try to explain it to her. We figured if the need to explain arouse we would explain our life together to her. This situation never arouse and we simply left it at that.
We finally arrived at the venue and Bern and I walked into the restaurant and could feel everyone’s eyes on us. I greeted everyone and I have to admit that after 20 years I did not recognize some of my cousins, which was very embarrassing. It seems everyone recognized me which I have no idea is a good thing or a bad thing. Apparently, I look like my mother so my Aunt was quite over whelmed to see me. I introduced Bern, went around the table greeting everyone, and admired the new addition to our family, my cousin is now a Grandmother and I congratulated her and her son and daughter in law and went around the table saying hello to everyone – all the while praying that I would recognize everyone. My oldest cousin asked me who Bern was, which in itself is to be expected but it was not done discreetly – I simply looked at him and told him she is my partner. So he asked the question that most people do not realize you do not ask Gay couples “Who is the husband?” I explained that in our type of relationship there is no husband. I then added for my audience “If I wanted a husband, I would simply choose a man as they had the extra appendage that I have no use for anymore. I know this may seem rude, but his question in a restaurant full of guests was rude.
I knew this was the beginning of more grilling and steadied my nerves and carried on greeting everyone. I did not recognize one of my cousins as I was 23 when I saw him last and we have both changed – so I think I can be forgiven for that lapse in my memory. Well the greetings were over and I made my way around the table until a waiter decided he needed me to make way for him. So I stepped aside – not realizing there was a row of bricks just about two inches higher that the floor and in three seconds flat after my introductions…
I tripped over the bricks, which enclosed a flowerbed. I crumbled onto the floor with such grace and elegance and hoped no one noticed as disappeared behind a pillar. More fool me, of course everyone noticed. I did not yell out in pain, although there was a lot to yell about as I landed on my knees (like in prayer) ripped my toe nail off my second smallest toe and sat there like a sack of potatoes wishing the floor would simply open up and swallow me. My cousin then asked me if I fell, I mean really what a stupid question, I looked at him and replied – no I decided to say grace all on my own – then added of course I fell, and no I have not been drinking.
When the life returned to my legs and the stars stopped flashing in my head, I stood up and looked around for Bern. She was nowhere to be seen. I asked my cousin if he knew where Bern was and this is when the questions continued. I decided this was not the time to get into the questions about my sexuality and my life and smiled and thankfully saw Bern return to the party with drinks in her hands. She deiced to avoid the borrowing eyes, go, and look for a place to buy drinks. Bern and I sat down and I turned to the Host of the party and heaved a sigh of relief – I took a sip of my drink and placed my drink back on the table – only to see my glass tipple over and spill onto his laptop.
It just could not get any worse than that so I thought. The tables were single tables joined together and this created an uneven surface and I was now shattered and beyond embarrassed. I quickly grabbed my glass but the damage had been done. It was then explained to me that the laptop actually belonged to his 12-year-old daughter and the plan had been to log on and to connect with our family worldwide who were unable to attend the party. I turned to Bern and said in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear without actually shouting – “I think it is time for me to leave!” I swear I was completely lost in my thoughts of how I could escape and try not to offend the family anymore than I had already. I was already the Black sheep of the family – two divorces, now living with a woman and my social skills were limited. This was not going to be my night!
The evening progressed and to my relief I was not the only one who had not been aware of the tables being joined as this was covered by table cloths – drinks were spilled and wiped up and the dinner continued. I knew there was more questions and cross examinations coming and whenever we stopped for a smoke break in-between courses I was approached by my Cousin who being the oldest was nominated as the one who had to ask me questions. By now I decided that enough was enough - I do not ask them about their personal lives and how things work for them and basically told him that all that mattered was that I was happy and out of danger and for him to leave it at that.
In my opinion which I did not share that night -Simply put, whom I live with and whom I sleep with and what I do in my life is my business and I would never dream of asking them about their personal stuff. What gives anyone the right to ask me about my life simply because I live with a woman? Really is there a manual out there that has a list of questions people ask gay couples, and they feel that this is all right to invade my privacy and simply ask questions. They would never dream of asking their friends or work colleagues the questions I am asked. Moreover, my absolute favourite response “I have nothing against Gays!” Why label people or me – why not simply shut up. I mean really do we go to straight people and say, “I have nothing against straight couples”. These questions about when did you change, and how does it work and who is the “male” in the relationship are insulting and quite bloody pointless.
The evening was not only an inquisition it was very nerve racking. Once I calmed down and decided this was what I had expected, and to keep my wits about me and not let the questions offend me, I started to relax and enjoy the evening. It was lovely, I decided to hell with what people thought, and their perceptions, this was about my Aunt reaching the wonderful age of 80 and how lucky we were to have her in our lives and Bern and I made the best of it. The evening did however end abruptly and I had nothing to do with this. The weather turned very nasty and before we knew it, everyone was packing up and leaving as the rain poured down. Quick goodbyes were said and vague suggestions that we keep in contact as everyone dashed to their cars. I was so relieved the dinner was over. Hugged my aunt goodbye, thanked the Host and Hostess for arranging this event for my aunt, apologized once again for spilling my drink on their daughter’s laptop, and ran to the car.
I sat in the car and hid my face in my hands and repeated over and over “Why me, why me?” I cannot tell you how horrible the beginning of the evening was for me and I then showed Bern my injuries. Two bruised knees, one very tender leg where I am sure the reconstruction plate on my shin had been jolted and shifted and finally my ripped toenail and I felt very sorry for myself.
We returned to Sarah’s place where we were staying. Sarah’s little one bed roomed flat was overflowing with people who loved as for who we were and it felt like a refuge in a storm when we arrived. The house was overflowing, Sarah, her boyfriend, Caitlin and her “New” potential friend, and Shane. Quite a house full and we felt quite at home. Admittedly, Bern and I did not stay up for long and after explaining how our evening progressed, we said good night and went o bed. The journey to Johannesburg and the party had taken its toll on me I have to admit as I struggle with long distances.
We returned to Durban after a wonderful late breakfast with Bern’s sister and her mom and that was the perfect ending to a stressful weekend.
Our animals were so pleased to see us and greeted us with such excitement and love where it does not matter who you live with or what you do for a living - Home sweet home!
Last weekend Bern and I went to Johannesburg for my Aunts 80th Birthday. I should have known by how nervous I was that this was not going to be an evening of celebrations and toasts and good food.
My nerves were in a state because I had not seen most of the guests for many years and some of them I had seen last when I was still married to my first husband 20 years ago. A lot has changed since then obviously, I love my family, and I realize that not all of them were aware of my decisions and choices and my life with Bern. A decision that has changed my life and given me a place I can call home and feel safe. Now my life changing choice has never been a secret and we have connected through face book so I would have thought they had seen the photos of Bern and I and my status, however I was nervous because I expected the inevitable questions.We were late for the surprise party even though we left with plenty of time to get to the venue… but the traffic had other ideas and to add insult to injury there was road works on the high way bringing the traffic to one lane and to further complicate matters there was a super link truck which had overturned on the highway. This added to my nerves and my state of panic increased. My Aunt whose birthday it was is a special soft gentle person who is absolutely adorable. She had met Bern and was aware of Bern being in my life, but I think possibly she did not fully understand our commitment, and simply accepted that Bern was sharing a home with me. Bern and I made the decision not to make a big thing of it and try to explain it to her. We figured if the need to explain arouse we would explain our life together to her. This situation never arouse and we simply left it at that.
We finally arrived at the venue and Bern and I walked into the restaurant and could feel everyone’s eyes on us. I greeted everyone and I have to admit that after 20 years I did not recognize some of my cousins, which was very embarrassing. It seems everyone recognized me which I have no idea is a good thing or a bad thing. Apparently, I look like my mother so my Aunt was quite over whelmed to see me. I introduced Bern, went around the table greeting everyone, and admired the new addition to our family, my cousin is now a Grandmother and I congratulated her and her son and daughter in law and went around the table saying hello to everyone – all the while praying that I would recognize everyone. My oldest cousin asked me who Bern was, which in itself is to be expected but it was not done discreetly – I simply looked at him and told him she is my partner. So he asked the question that most people do not realize you do not ask Gay couples “Who is the husband?” I explained that in our type of relationship there is no husband. I then added for my audience “If I wanted a husband, I would simply choose a man as they had the extra appendage that I have no use for anymore. I know this may seem rude, but his question in a restaurant full of guests was rude.
I knew this was the beginning of more grilling and steadied my nerves and carried on greeting everyone. I did not recognize one of my cousins as I was 23 when I saw him last and we have both changed – so I think I can be forgiven for that lapse in my memory. Well the greetings were over and I made my way around the table until a waiter decided he needed me to make way for him. So I stepped aside – not realizing there was a row of bricks just about two inches higher that the floor and in three seconds flat after my introductions…
I tripped over the bricks, which enclosed a flowerbed. I crumbled onto the floor with such grace and elegance and hoped no one noticed as disappeared behind a pillar. More fool me, of course everyone noticed. I did not yell out in pain, although there was a lot to yell about as I landed on my knees (like in prayer) ripped my toe nail off my second smallest toe and sat there like a sack of potatoes wishing the floor would simply open up and swallow me. My cousin then asked me if I fell, I mean really what a stupid question, I looked at him and replied – no I decided to say grace all on my own – then added of course I fell, and no I have not been drinking.
When the life returned to my legs and the stars stopped flashing in my head, I stood up and looked around for Bern. She was nowhere to be seen. I asked my cousin if he knew where Bern was and this is when the questions continued. I decided this was not the time to get into the questions about my sexuality and my life and smiled and thankfully saw Bern return to the party with drinks in her hands. She deiced to avoid the borrowing eyes, go, and look for a place to buy drinks. Bern and I sat down and I turned to the Host of the party and heaved a sigh of relief – I took a sip of my drink and placed my drink back on the table – only to see my glass tipple over and spill onto his laptop.
It just could not get any worse than that so I thought. The tables were single tables joined together and this created an uneven surface and I was now shattered and beyond embarrassed. I quickly grabbed my glass but the damage had been done. It was then explained to me that the laptop actually belonged to his 12-year-old daughter and the plan had been to log on and to connect with our family worldwide who were unable to attend the party. I turned to Bern and said in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear without actually shouting – “I think it is time for me to leave!” I swear I was completely lost in my thoughts of how I could escape and try not to offend the family anymore than I had already. I was already the Black sheep of the family – two divorces, now living with a woman and my social skills were limited. This was not going to be my night!
The evening progressed and to my relief I was not the only one who had not been aware of the tables being joined as this was covered by table cloths – drinks were spilled and wiped up and the dinner continued. I knew there was more questions and cross examinations coming and whenever we stopped for a smoke break in-between courses I was approached by my Cousin who being the oldest was nominated as the one who had to ask me questions. By now I decided that enough was enough - I do not ask them about their personal lives and how things work for them and basically told him that all that mattered was that I was happy and out of danger and for him to leave it at that.
In my opinion which I did not share that night -Simply put, whom I live with and whom I sleep with and what I do in my life is my business and I would never dream of asking them about their personal stuff. What gives anyone the right to ask me about my life simply because I live with a woman? Really is there a manual out there that has a list of questions people ask gay couples, and they feel that this is all right to invade my privacy and simply ask questions. They would never dream of asking their friends or work colleagues the questions I am asked. Moreover, my absolute favourite response “I have nothing against Gays!” Why label people or me – why not simply shut up. I mean really do we go to straight people and say, “I have nothing against straight couples”. These questions about when did you change, and how does it work and who is the “male” in the relationship are insulting and quite bloody pointless.
The evening was not only an inquisition it was very nerve racking. Once I calmed down and decided this was what I had expected, and to keep my wits about me and not let the questions offend me, I started to relax and enjoy the evening. It was lovely, I decided to hell with what people thought, and their perceptions, this was about my Aunt reaching the wonderful age of 80 and how lucky we were to have her in our lives and Bern and I made the best of it. The evening did however end abruptly and I had nothing to do with this. The weather turned very nasty and before we knew it, everyone was packing up and leaving as the rain poured down. Quick goodbyes were said and vague suggestions that we keep in contact as everyone dashed to their cars. I was so relieved the dinner was over. Hugged my aunt goodbye, thanked the Host and Hostess for arranging this event for my aunt, apologized once again for spilling my drink on their daughter’s laptop, and ran to the car.
I sat in the car and hid my face in my hands and repeated over and over “Why me, why me?” I cannot tell you how horrible the beginning of the evening was for me and I then showed Bern my injuries. Two bruised knees, one very tender leg where I am sure the reconstruction plate on my shin had been jolted and shifted and finally my ripped toenail and I felt very sorry for myself.
We returned to Sarah’s place where we were staying. Sarah’s little one bed roomed flat was overflowing with people who loved as for who we were and it felt like a refuge in a storm when we arrived. The house was overflowing, Sarah, her boyfriend, Caitlin and her “New” potential friend, and Shane. Quite a house full and we felt quite at home. Admittedly, Bern and I did not stay up for long and after explaining how our evening progressed, we said good night and went o bed. The journey to Johannesburg and the party had taken its toll on me I have to admit as I struggle with long distances.
We returned to Durban after a wonderful late breakfast with Bern’s sister and her mom and that was the perfect ending to a stressful weekend.
Our animals were so pleased to see us and greeted us with such excitement and love where it does not matter who you live with or what you do for a living - Home sweet home!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Reflecting on the last 10 years - Thank you Bern
The last 10 years and starting the 11th year - what a wonderful kaleidoscope of joy, love, laughter, the gift of love and harmony
My heart was racing and I was shaking, this was a big change for me and I was aware of the impact it would have on my children. Would they bear the burden, teasing, and punishments of having a gay mom in our not so understanding world?
These thoughts were racing through my head. Cait in her 8-year-old innocence said, “That’s cool mom, we like Bern and she makes you laugh. You have stopped crying and that is good” she then rushed out the bathroom and declared in a loud voice to mat and Sarah “Yes mom is a lesbian". I did not even know she knew what that meant but Cait surprised me. When I came out the bathroom, the children bombarded us with questions and were so excited. This really surprised me and of course, we answered as best we could.
The overall acceptance of Bern and I and our decision to build a life together was initially met with disbelief. Moreover, I was cross-questioned and my family and friends were initially not so happy with the decision. "Was this a PHASE I was going through was their biggest question." However once they met Bern and saw the peace she had brought into our lives and the balance and laughter they accepted that this was my choice and even though they could not understand my decisions – they decided to welcome Bern into our family.
We have faced many challenges. The worst being the attack on our family 8 years ago which we still carry the visible scars. These are now our badges of bravery and conviction to not let the joy and love we share be destroyed by a two people who wanted to destroy us. We have overcome this and we are not victims, we are victorious and have protected ourselves since then to the best of our ability with prayer and home security.
There was one time during this episode of horror that I had to step in as a mom to protect my Caity. Obviously this effected her schooling as we had to go away to recover from the attack and her focus was not on work. She had one teacher who was particularly nasty to her and the other children. I hope it was because she was pregnant and this had made her moody but she ruled with terror. Now if there is one thing I hate in life is a bully. I lived with a bully when I married my second husband and I would not tolerate it then and I was not about to let this teacher bully my child.
I knew that the headmaster had told the teacher briefly of the attack on our family, so you would think she would be a little more supportive. This was not the case. She was an absolute mean horrid person. She failed Caity for a test, which Cait was not aware of and instead of marking her absent; she decided to make an example of her by mocking her in the class while the other children watched. We had a teachers -parents conference that week and I was so ready to challenge this teacher.
The parents had to sit in her classroom on the tiny children chairs while she bombarded and disciplined each parent that was sitting at her desk for their one on one presentation. I sat there and bristled as she belittled the parents and when the parents left her desk, you could see they felt like they had been sent to detention.
I looked around at the other parents and I overheard whispers of what a horrid teacher she was and how scared the children were of her. One mother said she had taught one of her other children and her child had experienced the worst year of her life at the hands of this teacher.
I waited for my turn with her, and when she called Mrs. Osterloh, I bristled even more and in a voice loud enough for the other parents to hear, I said, "It is not Mrs. Osterloh, it is Mrs. Gravett – I know it states that on Caitlin’s application. "I would appreciate it if you called me by my correct name. (Yes, I was ready for this bully)
I sat down at her desk facing her and she looked at the results and started to tell me how badly Caity was doing of late and that I needed to be a more involved mother. Her not having a dad was no excuse for poor work. I looked at her and said, “I think you had better shut up and listen to me. I have heard you berate every parent who has had the displeasure of facing your onslaught of meanness and it stops here.
She sat there with her mouth agape and then told me that I was there to listen and not comment. Well this was the wrong thing to say. So I let her have it.
“Do I not pay school fees which actually contribute to your salary?”
Her reply “Well I suppose in a way you do”
“If I achieved the results you do in your chosen profession – I would be fired for non achievement”
Her reply – “I beg your pardon?”
“Yes you should beg my pardon and the other parents of all the children you have ever taught – now you listen to me. Are you aware that we had a home invasion where we were attacked? ‘
“Yes, I was made aware of this” she said
Before she could jump in and try to tell me how I should have handled it I verbally attacked her.
“So you think it is alright to add further trauma to an 8 year old who saw her mother covered in blood, her step mother covered in blood and her older sister totally shattered. You felt it was necessary to add to her nightmares? She now not only dreams of these people coming into our home and attacking us, she now dreams of her hated teacher who is a bully!”
I added, “Does this make you feel powerful, does this give you a thrill?
"Are you one of those people who made it their mission to destroy innocent minds and fill them with fear? How dare you fail Caitlin for a test she was not even aware of as she was away with us on a retreat to recover from our attack?
I continued . "She walks in on the following Monday and you fail her instead of marking her absent for the test. !”
"You know Caitlin is a good worker and you decided in your absolute wisdom and power to destroy her grades with a zero when she was not aware of the test!"
I then lambasted her “I see you are expecting your child, now let me ask you, would you tolerate anyone treating this child like you treat the children in your class. Let me tell you, I am not leaving it at this, I will lodge a complaint and I am sure the parents sitting behind me will gladly sign a petition to have you removed from this position. So next time you want to yell at a child because you have had a bad day, or have a horrid marriage or are just naturally a bully, think of this day and remember there are other parents out there like me who will take you on and defeat you. There is no room in this world for teachers who teaches our children that being a bully is acceptable. It is not.”
I grabbed my handbag, stood up, and told her the meeting was over. The parents still waiting for their meeting applauded me and the teacher was in tears when I was finished. I turned to her and said; "see it is not nice being bullied is it?I resent the fact that you incited this outburst from me and as I teacher I expect more from you and you will be hearing from the Governing Body and the Education Department."
With that, Caity and I left the classroom. The head master disciplined the teacher as after my outburst the parents decided to follow my example and lodge a complaint. She did not return the following year and I have no idea where she went to after that.
Sarah had her share of being bullied by a teacher in high school. I did not become involved until she came home from school sporting a huge bruise on her leg where the teacher kicked her. Yes, he kicked her! I filed a complaint with the education department and set up a meeting with the headmaster and this 6ft 4inch teacher. The educational department had replied to my complaint and they had assured me that it would be dealt with.
In the head master’s office, I faced this giant of a bully head on. I explained to him that he was being charged with assault if I was not satisfied with the outcome. I had taken pictures of his assault on my child. I asked him if he was donkey, and how dare he kick a child. I asked him if he achieved some type of a thrill by abusing children. He sat there trembling, yes no exaggeration, trembling and tears were streaming down his face. He tried to explain his reason for bullying my child and I told him I was fully aware of what transpired and why he thought he had to kick my child. I then explained to him that if he bothered to ask my child why she lashed out at another boy in class- he would have found out that this boy has pushed my child down the stairs. Tripped her and bullied her from the first day at school. Her lashing out at this boy was after months of her being tormented and he added to this by kicking her as if she was a dog – which by the way is also unacceptable.
I told him he would apologize to my child in front of the class, and he would not teach her anymore. I told the head master that he would give Sarah the lessons she required or hire a teacher at their expense to teach her this subject and he would not even speak to her again. Before I left I did advise him that the investigation would not stop, as I would make it my mission to see him removed from the school. This teacher did leave the school, as his contract was not renewed.
He went to teach at an elite boy’s school in Johannesburg and he made the mistake of hitting a child at this school. The boys took their own revenge and he landed up in a wheel chair as they broke both his legs with a cricket bat and his arms. I have no idea if the education department was called in on this case by the parents, I do know the teacher did not press charges against the children and last I heard he does not teach anymore.
So in the last 11 years we have faced our challenges and had our battles. There has also been a lot of joy. Sarah was a prefect at her school. Caitlin excelled in her school and was awarded many certificates of achievement. Mathew was the first one to join the children’s circus and when I first saw him “eat fire” and perform for audience at a flower arrangement show, I cried in pride. Cait joined not long after that and she was the youngest trapeze artist in Africa. Sarah joined for a while and she loved the entertainment part of the circus.
We had many a weekend filled watching our children perform and they excelled in their craft. Cait hates to be reminded of her time with eh circus (sorry my angel) but she was also a winner in the Television series 30 Seconds for her performance on the trapeze. We learnt a lot and our family faced everything with our normal gusto and love of life.
That is not to say we did not have our differences in our home. We most certainly did, but 11 years later we are a family united and the bonds we have built will help us get through the next episode of our lives.
The children are now all in their own homes, Bern and I are working together in Durban and we are enjoying the experience once again. Our lives in Durban have been decorated with the antics of our animals and we are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel regarding our business venture with our company. Baby steps but we after making headway into the Durban market finally.
However, the highlight of our lives is our children and our animals. One day we will be blessed with enough money to have a place big enough to rescues animals and give them a place to find peace and love. This is a project all my children want to be pa part of and who knows – after a few lessons from the real Dog whisperer – we may just have our own whispering farm for animals. But until that day, we will settle for our little zoo, which expanded in the last week.
Ally Monster Kitty produced three ginger kittens. One girl and two boys. These little bundles will be moving to Johannesburg when they are old enough to live with our children. Ally is a wonderful mother and she demands we bring her and her children to sit with us during the day for company. She resides in our spare room at night, as she is still very vigilant about her babies and very protective.
Animals – the colour and spice of our lives.
Mofo also had Bern in hysterics this week: I sent a mail to Sarah, Cait and Shane about Mofo and how she entertained Bern.
Last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bern was in a fit of giggles last night with Mofo. I should get Bern to type this, coz she thought it was so funny – she was collapsed in laughter but I will give I it a try.
Picture this………Rustle, rustle, frantic rustle, even more frantic rustle.
Next thing- this shopping packet shoots off out of the lounge.
This moving packet darts into the main bedroom -Then does a u-turn.
Packet wrapped around Mofo shoulder by handle – head sticking out
Packet darts down the passage to Kitty’s private room; does a U-turn – back down passage; Slide to a stop in our room.
Mofo is now on fast forward mode. She darts off down the passage once again!
Bern and Jinx watching this action like a live tennis match… heads moving from side to side. Mofo turns around and reaches the main room again - Mofo finally releases herself. Packet now split down the side!
Mofo was impressed – hiding behind curtain in room with Angel peeping out to see if the packet will return
Bern is totally useless, no energy – laughed herself into a peeing puddle
Jinx enthralled – memorized – hypnotized……
Me! ... Not impressed with Bern for laughing, I of course am just as much to blame as I was not quick enough to rescue Mofo from her Plastic Cape and I was watching Bern and laughing at Mofo and the dogs reactions. She tried to explain to me what she was seeing. The sentences were not structured and every time she tried to tell me, Mofo would dart down the passage wearing the plastic bag.
She kept telling me it was funny as the tears stream down her face and she is totally exhausted after laughing so hard - and I told her it is so NOT FUNNY
Bern says my kids would see the humour in it. I said NOT FUNNY
This happened in about a minute flat at the most.
Zing up and down, rustles; rustle; rustle………. And of course, my kids think this is funny and Shane commented to me “Sorry Shell, it is funny!”
Last week this little incident happened and I had to share it with my children. Sarah had just sent me a mail about a domestic worker and her unique way of keeping the family pets entertained.
We loved this mail. RE: dedicated employee- would do anything to keep employer happy at all times
Bern responded to the mail:
I’m gonna strap Ally cat and her babies to my back. Might land up in hospital, but at least I’ll look cute for all of 3 seconds!
Sarah responded to Bern’s Mail:
Hahahahahaha Rooting for you Bern. Let me know what hospital you end up in!
My response to Bern, Sarah and Cait:
Bern is insane… her suggestion that she tries this domestic miracle is funny as hell
Strap Kitty with her babies to her back… oh my god she is not well. We can’t even pick the monsters up for long and Ally Monster Kitty jumps out the box to give us a good talking to.
You are right Sarah it most probably started when they were small and the house cleaner needed to keep track of them and they are always sleeping and are all cuddly so they accepted it.
I bet they sit on the towel waiting for her to come and work and she dutifully picks them up and carries them.
Bern just encouraged Mofo to get into another packet just now and I warned Mofo – STEP AWAY FROM THE PACKET
And two nights ago… our alarm went off. I had a dream earlier that I opened the bedroom door and was attacked by a black shadow man thing.
So when the alarm went off I freaked out. Bern was going to open the door to see where the movement happened. Or maybe she was running away from me as I had a movement in my pants I got such a fright. So I yelled no, we wait.
The security company phoned and I told them they will have to jump the gate as we stupidly leave the bloody gate key in the Kitchen….l. note to self don’t do this,
So Bern opens the security door off our room and peaks into the lounge from outside the house. Now we are kind of Head in the room Head out the room dodging motion as if this will stop the intruders seeing us.
I then hear a thump- thump against the bedroom door.
Brave me says to Bern “Ok you run if I am attacked – I am opening the door and you scream for help!
She looks at me with eyebrow in over drive and A are you Frikin insane look on her face, but before she can stop me, I open the door quickly. Only to see poor ginger boy goes flying down the passage. he was trying to get into the room as he had set the alarm off!
I am still trying to calm him down. Any sudden noises and he freaks out. I think the alarm pierced his ear drums and even filling the food bowl now makes him uncomfortable… but not to worry – he has already has his revenge on me…. He let my legs know that he hates me and my feet are in shreds….. His latest trick… stalking me in the bath…. I try not to make sudden movements (lol) even those on the loo are carefully done as he is in attack mode. He takes the loo paper and runs and then kills it!
Mail response from Sarah: Mom you are fffff funny!!!!!! Every one thinks I’m nuts laughing at my computer
Thank goodness, we have our children and animals as they definitely make our life interesting and add to the laughter we experience.
Bern and I celebrated our 11th anniversary this week. This is the day that changed all our lives. Bern previously was in relationships without children. She came into a ready made family, 3 children; I was recovering from surgery and two ex husbands. One a stalker and the other a dad who did as little as he had to, to support his children. So to say we were faced with challenges is putting it mildly.
As a family, we all had adjustments starting with the first week of my realization that I was in love with Bern. Of course the burning question was –“how do I tell my kids” then later “how do I tell my family and friends” I did not have to worry about telling my kids, Cait took care of that. It was about the 3rd day after I had asked Bern to stay with us when Cait came into my bathroom, she was 8 years old and she asked me right out. “Mom are you a lesbian?” So I replied, “well I love Bern so yes I suppose that makes me a lesbian, how you do feel about that?”
My heart was racing and I was shaking, this was a big change for me and I was aware of the impact it would have on my children. Would they bear the burden, teasing, and punishments of having a gay mom in our not so understanding world?
These thoughts were racing through my head. Cait in her 8-year-old innocence said, “That’s cool mom, we like Bern and she makes you laugh. You have stopped crying and that is good” she then rushed out the bathroom and declared in a loud voice to mat and Sarah “Yes mom is a lesbian". I did not even know she knew what that meant but Cait surprised me. When I came out the bathroom, the children bombarded us with questions and were so excited. This really surprised me and of course, we answered as best we could.
The overall acceptance of Bern and I and our decision to build a life together was initially met with disbelief. Moreover, I was cross-questioned and my family and friends were initially not so happy with the decision. "Was this a PHASE I was going through was their biggest question." However once they met Bern and saw the peace she had brought into our lives and the balance and laughter they accepted that this was my choice and even though they could not understand my decisions – they decided to welcome Bern into our family.
We have faced many challenges. The worst being the attack on our family 8 years ago which we still carry the visible scars. These are now our badges of bravery and conviction to not let the joy and love we share be destroyed by a two people who wanted to destroy us. We have overcome this and we are not victims, we are victorious and have protected ourselves since then to the best of our ability with prayer and home security.
I knew that the headmaster had told the teacher briefly of the attack on our family, so you would think she would be a little more supportive. This was not the case. She was an absolute mean horrid person. She failed Caity for a test, which Cait was not aware of and instead of marking her absent; she decided to make an example of her by mocking her in the class while the other children watched. We had a teachers -parents conference that week and I was so ready to challenge this teacher.
The parents had to sit in her classroom on the tiny children chairs while she bombarded and disciplined each parent that was sitting at her desk for their one on one presentation. I sat there and bristled as she belittled the parents and when the parents left her desk, you could see they felt like they had been sent to detention.
I looked around at the other parents and I overheard whispers of what a horrid teacher she was and how scared the children were of her. One mother said she had taught one of her other children and her child had experienced the worst year of her life at the hands of this teacher.
I waited for my turn with her, and when she called Mrs. Osterloh, I bristled even more and in a voice loud enough for the other parents to hear, I said, "It is not Mrs. Osterloh, it is Mrs. Gravett – I know it states that on Caitlin’s application. "I would appreciate it if you called me by my correct name. (Yes, I was ready for this bully)
I sat down at her desk facing her and she looked at the results and started to tell me how badly Caity was doing of late and that I needed to be a more involved mother. Her not having a dad was no excuse for poor work. I looked at her and said, “I think you had better shut up and listen to me. I have heard you berate every parent who has had the displeasure of facing your onslaught of meanness and it stops here.
She sat there with her mouth agape and then told me that I was there to listen and not comment. Well this was the wrong thing to say. So I let her have it.
“Do I not pay school fees which actually contribute to your salary?”
Her reply “Well I suppose in a way you do”
“If I achieved the results you do in your chosen profession – I would be fired for non achievement”
Her reply – “I beg your pardon?”
“Yes you should beg my pardon and the other parents of all the children you have ever taught – now you listen to me. Are you aware that we had a home invasion where we were attacked? ‘
“Yes, I was made aware of this” she said
Before she could jump in and try to tell me how I should have handled it I verbally attacked her.
“So you think it is alright to add further trauma to an 8 year old who saw her mother covered in blood, her step mother covered in blood and her older sister totally shattered. You felt it was necessary to add to her nightmares? She now not only dreams of these people coming into our home and attacking us, she now dreams of her hated teacher who is a bully!”
I added, “Does this make you feel powerful, does this give you a thrill?
"Are you one of those people who made it their mission to destroy innocent minds and fill them with fear? How dare you fail Caitlin for a test she was not even aware of as she was away with us on a retreat to recover from our attack?
I continued . "She walks in on the following Monday and you fail her instead of marking her absent for the test. !”
"You know Caitlin is a good worker and you decided in your absolute wisdom and power to destroy her grades with a zero when she was not aware of the test!"
I then lambasted her “I see you are expecting your child, now let me ask you, would you tolerate anyone treating this child like you treat the children in your class. Let me tell you, I am not leaving it at this, I will lodge a complaint and I am sure the parents sitting behind me will gladly sign a petition to have you removed from this position. So next time you want to yell at a child because you have had a bad day, or have a horrid marriage or are just naturally a bully, think of this day and remember there are other parents out there like me who will take you on and defeat you. There is no room in this world for teachers who teaches our children that being a bully is acceptable. It is not.”
I grabbed my handbag, stood up, and told her the meeting was over. The parents still waiting for their meeting applauded me and the teacher was in tears when I was finished. I turned to her and said; "see it is not nice being bullied is it?I resent the fact that you incited this outburst from me and as I teacher I expect more from you and you will be hearing from the Governing Body and the Education Department."
With that, Caity and I left the classroom. The head master disciplined the teacher as after my outburst the parents decided to follow my example and lodge a complaint. She did not return the following year and I have no idea where she went to after that.
In the head master’s office, I faced this giant of a bully head on. I explained to him that he was being charged with assault if I was not satisfied with the outcome. I had taken pictures of his assault on my child. I asked him if he was donkey, and how dare he kick a child. I asked him if he achieved some type of a thrill by abusing children. He sat there trembling, yes no exaggeration, trembling and tears were streaming down his face. He tried to explain his reason for bullying my child and I told him I was fully aware of what transpired and why he thought he had to kick my child. I then explained to him that if he bothered to ask my child why she lashed out at another boy in class- he would have found out that this boy has pushed my child down the stairs. Tripped her and bullied her from the first day at school. Her lashing out at this boy was after months of her being tormented and he added to this by kicking her as if she was a dog – which by the way is also unacceptable.
I told him he would apologize to my child in front of the class, and he would not teach her anymore. I told the head master that he would give Sarah the lessons she required or hire a teacher at their expense to teach her this subject and he would not even speak to her again. Before I left I did advise him that the investigation would not stop, as I would make it my mission to see him removed from the school. This teacher did leave the school, as his contract was not renewed.
He went to teach at an elite boy’s school in Johannesburg and he made the mistake of hitting a child at this school. The boys took their own revenge and he landed up in a wheel chair as they broke both his legs with a cricket bat and his arms. I have no idea if the education department was called in on this case by the parents, I do know the teacher did not press charges against the children and last I heard he does not teach anymore.
We had many a weekend filled watching our children perform and they excelled in their craft. Cait hates to be reminded of her time with eh circus (sorry my angel) but she was also a winner in the Television series 30 Seconds for her performance on the trapeze. We learnt a lot and our family faced everything with our normal gusto and love of life.
That is not to say we did not have our differences in our home. We most certainly did, but 11 years later we are a family united and the bonds we have built will help us get through the next episode of our lives.
The children are now all in their own homes, Bern and I are working together in Durban and we are enjoying the experience once again. Our lives in Durban have been decorated with the antics of our animals and we are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel regarding our business venture with our company. Baby steps but we after making headway into the Durban market finally.
However, the highlight of our lives is our children and our animals. One day we will be blessed with enough money to have a place big enough to rescues animals and give them a place to find peace and love. This is a project all my children want to be pa part of and who knows – after a few lessons from the real Dog whisperer – we may just have our own whispering farm for animals. But until that day, we will settle for our little zoo, which expanded in the last week.
Ally Monster Kitty produced three ginger kittens. One girl and two boys. These little bundles will be moving to Johannesburg when they are old enough to live with our children. Ally is a wonderful mother and she demands we bring her and her children to sit with us during the day for company. She resides in our spare room at night, as she is still very vigilant about her babies and very protective.
We have a new addition to our dog family. Bustarhymes a staffi mix male was rescued by Bern off the busy street, which runs past our home. He had strayed from his home and he is waiting for his owners to contact the SPCA or the local vet to find him. He is very sweet and I hope his family is looking for him. Our pack has accepted him, although Little Boy is not impressed. We have agreed to foster him for a while to give his owners time to find him. If they do not come forward, we are still not sure what we are going to do with him. However, the vet has assured us he will not have a hard time finding a new home as he is a lovely young male and has a lovely demeanour and such a lovely brindle colouring. We are of course already in love with him and he is so gentle and kind. I hope he finds his owners as he is well trained and has been neutered and they obviously care for him as he has a collar and they way he reacts to people he must have been loved by them.
Animals – the colour and spice of our lives.
Last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bern was in a fit of giggles last night with Mofo. I should get Bern to type this, coz she thought it was so funny – she was collapsed in laughter but I will give I it a try.
Picture this………Rustle, rustle, frantic rustle, even more frantic rustle.
Next thing- this shopping packet shoots off out of the lounge.
This moving packet darts into the main bedroom -Then does a u-turn.
Packet wrapped around Mofo shoulder by handle – head sticking out
Packet darts down the passage to Kitty’s private room; does a U-turn – back down passage; Slide to a stop in our room.
Mofo is now on fast forward mode. She darts off down the passage once again!
Bern and Jinx watching this action like a live tennis match… heads moving from side to side. Mofo turns around and reaches the main room again - Mofo finally releases herself. Packet now split down the side!
Mofo was impressed – hiding behind curtain in room with Angel peeping out to see if the packet will return
Bern is totally useless, no energy – laughed herself into a peeing puddle
Jinx enthralled – memorized – hypnotized……
Me! ... Not impressed with Bern for laughing, I of course am just as much to blame as I was not quick enough to rescue Mofo from her Plastic Cape and I was watching Bern and laughing at Mofo and the dogs reactions. She tried to explain to me what she was seeing. The sentences were not structured and every time she tried to tell me, Mofo would dart down the passage wearing the plastic bag.
She kept telling me it was funny as the tears stream down her face and she is totally exhausted after laughing so hard - and I told her it is so NOT FUNNY
Bern says my kids would see the humour in it. I said NOT FUNNY
This happened in about a minute flat at the most.
Zing up and down, rustles; rustle; rustle………. And of course, my kids think this is funny and Shane commented to me “Sorry Shell, it is funny!”
Last week this little incident happened and I had to share it with my children. Sarah had just sent me a mail about a domestic worker and her unique way of keeping the family pets entertained.
Bern responded to the mail:
I’m gonna strap Ally cat and her babies to my back. Might land up in hospital, but at least I’ll look cute for all of 3 seconds!
Sarah responded to Bern’s Mail:
Hahahahahaha Rooting for you Bern. Let me know what hospital you end up in!
My response to Bern, Sarah and Cait:
Bern is insane… her suggestion that she tries this domestic miracle is funny as hell
Strap Kitty with her babies to her back… oh my god she is not well. We can’t even pick the monsters up for long and Ally Monster Kitty jumps out the box to give us a good talking to.
You are right Sarah it most probably started when they were small and the house cleaner needed to keep track of them and they are always sleeping and are all cuddly so they accepted it.
I bet they sit on the towel waiting for her to come and work and she dutifully picks them up and carries them.
Bern just encouraged Mofo to get into another packet just now and I warned Mofo – STEP AWAY FROM THE PACKET
And two nights ago… our alarm went off. I had a dream earlier that I opened the bedroom door and was attacked by a black shadow man thing.
So when the alarm went off I freaked out. Bern was going to open the door to see where the movement happened. Or maybe she was running away from me as I had a movement in my pants I got such a fright. So I yelled no, we wait.
The security company phoned and I told them they will have to jump the gate as we stupidly leave the bloody gate key in the Kitchen….l. note to self don’t do this,
So Bern opens the security door off our room and peaks into the lounge from outside the house. Now we are kind of Head in the room Head out the room dodging motion as if this will stop the intruders seeing us.
I then hear a thump- thump against the bedroom door.
Brave me says to Bern “Ok you run if I am attacked – I am opening the door and you scream for help!
I am still trying to calm him down. Any sudden noises and he freaks out. I think the alarm pierced his ear drums and even filling the food bowl now makes him uncomfortable… but not to worry – he has already has his revenge on me…. He let my legs know that he hates me and my feet are in shreds….. His latest trick… stalking me in the bath…. I try not to make sudden movements (lol) even those on the loo are carefully done as he is in attack mode. He takes the loo paper and runs and then kills it!
Mail response from Sarah: Mom you are fffff funny!!!!!! Every one thinks I’m nuts laughing at my computer
Thursday, September 30, 2010
We have a new member of Staff - Bern's Operations Assistant
Bern came into the bedroom to tell me that Tabby nearly landed up going to Tongaat with one of our drivers – second time this week.
My mail I sent to Cheryl my boss today after Tabby decided she was going on a round trip
Miss Tabby O’Really has joined ACT World Wide Couriers Durban
Position: Operations assistant
Date of appointment: 1st September
Job Description
1. Check the off loading of the freight
2. Count the freight to make sure the manifest is correct
3. Sniffer Cat – very important as we may be moving contraband
4. Check the parcels onto the vehicles
5. Count the parcels as they are loaded onto the vehicles
6. Vehicle Inspector – tyres are important but the interior even more so. The bakkies need to be spotless and untidiness will not be accepted
7. Assistant to driver – especially likes going to Tongaat and Umhlanga – we have had to explain to her that it is not necessary for her to accompany the freight. All we see are her little ears peeping over the freight
8. Guard Cat – keeps watch at gate on her red chair – every now and then she patrols the area
9. Lap Top technician – on standby for the next visit from Cheryl
10. Keyboard technician – loves practicing her version of the River Dance on the key boards
11. Filing Clerk – not satisfied with how the files are stored and insists on doing an inventory by snaking through them
12. Bath water temperature inspector – insists on drinking the bath water daily while perched on her slaves leg.
13. Hygiene Inspector – the desks and chairs need inspecting on a regular basis
14. Telephone technician – the phone is ringing she runs to the phone
15. Town Caller – the phone is ringing – or – Ginger Boy has stolen my salary (her toy)
16. Beautician and Physio therapist on site – you need to be cleaned and occasionally massaged with the new acupuncture technique on the market
17. Psychic – she knows when you are not at your desk and find you in the ladies or kitchen and demands to know why you are not at your desk working
Basic Salary:
2 bags of Cat pebbles
12 tins of caviar
Entertainment Allowance:
Furry mouse toys; feathers, twinkly soft balls, ACT Staff Members
Transport Allowance: Two bakkies at her disposal
Clothing allowance:
Mink Coat to rest her weary body on after the morning duties
Special Allowance:
A visit from her Favourite Boss more than once every 3 months
Slaves:
Two resident slaves and two drivers
Address: Paradise House in Pine town
Next of Kin: Monster Cat, Ginger boy, Angel, Mofo
Care providers: Bern and Michelle
Guard Dogs: Fiona, Jinx and Little Boy
Secret Admirer: Cheryl
Identity Document: Attached
Please make her feel welcome and her special request is can you handle her Orientation Personally and explain the operational Procedures
Cheryl’s reply to my rather silly email….
Oh my goodness, what a FANTASTIC lovely way to start the day.
You have to print that out and put it up in a frame with her picture on the wall.
It’s totally classic
THANK YOU
Thank goodness we have our animals to colour our lives and add giggles.
.
She seems to favour the one driver Eugene as earlier this week she climbed into the back of the bakkie when he was on his way to Umhlanga. She climbs into the back of the bakkie with all the boxes and explores and the driver is not aware of this. As he was pulling out the driveway – Lunga our other driver spotted these ears and eyes peeping over the boxes and quickly told the driver to stop.
I can just imagine his face when he either looked in his review mirror to see this frantic cat tap dancing on the boxes; or when he arrived at the client to deliver their freight and this cat jumped out at him – admonishing him for his driving skills.
My mail I sent to Cheryl my boss today after Tabby decided she was going on a round trip
Miss Tabby O’Really has joined ACT World Wide Couriers Durban
Position: Operations assistant
Date of appointment: 1st September
Job Description
1. Check the off loading of the freight
2. Count the freight to make sure the manifest is correct
3. Sniffer Cat – very important as we may be moving contraband
4. Check the parcels onto the vehicles
5. Count the parcels as they are loaded onto the vehicles
6. Vehicle Inspector – tyres are important but the interior even more so. The bakkies need to be spotless and untidiness will not be accepted
7. Assistant to driver – especially likes going to Tongaat and Umhlanga – we have had to explain to her that it is not necessary for her to accompany the freight. All we see are her little ears peeping over the freight
8. Guard Cat – keeps watch at gate on her red chair – every now and then she patrols the area
9. Lap Top technician – on standby for the next visit from Cheryl
10. Keyboard technician – loves practicing her version of the River Dance on the key boards
11. Filing Clerk – not satisfied with how the files are stored and insists on doing an inventory by snaking through them
12. Bath water temperature inspector – insists on drinking the bath water daily while perched on her slaves leg.
13. Hygiene Inspector – the desks and chairs need inspecting on a regular basis
14. Telephone technician – the phone is ringing she runs to the phone
15. Town Caller – the phone is ringing – or – Ginger Boy has stolen my salary (her toy)
16. Beautician and Physio therapist on site – you need to be cleaned and occasionally massaged with the new acupuncture technique on the market
17. Psychic – she knows when you are not at your desk and find you in the ladies or kitchen and demands to know why you are not at your desk working
Basic Salary:
2 bags of Cat pebbles
12 tins of caviar
Entertainment Allowance:
Furry mouse toys; feathers, twinkly soft balls, ACT Staff Members
Transport Allowance: Two bakkies at her disposal
Clothing allowance:
Mink Coat to rest her weary body on after the morning duties
Special Allowance:
A visit from her Favourite Boss more than once every 3 months
Slaves:
Two resident slaves and two drivers
Address: Paradise House in Pine town
Next of Kin: Monster Cat, Ginger boy, Angel, Mofo
Care providers: Bern and Michelle
Guard Dogs: Fiona, Jinx and Little Boy
Secret Admirer: Cheryl
Identity Document: Attached
Please make her feel welcome and her special request is can you handle her Orientation Personally and explain the operational Procedures
Cheryl’s reply to my rather silly email….
Oh my goodness, what a FANTASTIC lovely way to start the day.
You have to print that out and put it up in a frame with her picture on the wall.
It’s totally classic
THANK YOU
Thank goodness we have our animals to colour our lives and add giggles.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Client visits and different people
Client visits and different people
This week has been a week of finding out about Bugs and Reptiles. Very interesting to say the least -I was face to face with a snake and about 8 bearded Dragons. One of the bearded dragons is the granny of the group and I can relate to her totally. She is also suffering from the mid life bulges and I find her rather cute in fact, she was quite adorable. The snake however – NOT SO MUCH – thanks Terry – I did mention I am not comfortable with snakes and I am sure you did it on purpose.
I saw silk worms in the various stages of growth and I was also introduced to meal worms! The only way I can describe them is ---- ikkkkkky shriek, horrid, prickly feelings under the arms as you watch them wriggle and Terry handles them as if they are great. Oh no, it may be the direction our industry is going, I only hope I never have to package them or retrieve them from the vehicles if they somehow escape from their containers. It has also been a week with meeting different personalities and how we as people and consultants react to each new client. It has been my experience that some clients actually become friends. However, I am not sure Terry’s lovely wife will allow me back, because I fell in love with her Great Dane and would easily have slipped her into my car if she were not so tall. The Great Dane met me at my car and looked me directly in my eyes through my car window. What an extremely gorgeous Lady, big beautiful eyes, one of them blue and such a soft nature. She will lick an intruder to death before she bites them. Terry’s lovely wife warned me not to take her “baby” and said I could have her hubby instead. Giggle! I cannot wait for them to meet my little zoo and possibly Monster would have had her kittens by then.
Speaking of which, she is the grumpiest pregnant cat I have ever met. She eats all day and growls at her children all day and if we try to move her to her secure bedroom, she also growls at us. I have to say I tread very carefully around her. I rely on my natural ability to read moods when I am near her- as this is the safest option- I pet her lots and offer her food whenever she looks at me.
During my years of selling, I have had to learnt how to use this natural ability to read moods and how to read a client. I look for the buying signals as well as those clients who just wanted rates to force their current carrier to drop their rates.
If I had to categorize clients, I have met this is how they would be categorized:
The Professional Client:
They do not have time to chat and want to get down to the basics. Give them the rates and the basics. Ask what their needs are requirements are and then GET OUT AND leave them to do their work. Now Bern Falls into this category - professional but has no time for a chit chat. I remember in Johannesburg there was a consultant who would “pop” in for a service call to make sure that the company was happy with the service they were receiving. Now she dealt with Bern as Bern handled this function and dealt with suppliers.
So this pretty woman walks into Bern’s office in her high heels and short skirt and booby top (unfortunately, you will always have these types in the freight industry). She toddles over to Bern’s desk, sits down and smiles this big empty smile and speaks
Now this was her third mistake in four seconds, her first being -not asking for an appointment -second was just walking into Bern's office and sitting down. A grizzly bear would not even dare to walk in uninvited when Bern is busy with her drivers, staff and reports.
In her squeaky girly voice she says “Hello Bern, I was in the area and thought I would pop in to say hi and chat” This is hysterical because Bern does not like princesses or divas at the best of times, and she has zero tolerance for “dumb” and do not interrupt her day with drivel.
Bern used her famous eyebrow stare and responded. “When you next get that urge – ignore it and it will pass - if I have a problem or need more vehicles I will phone you!”
Now this dolly bird sat there, smiled, and waited for more. Clearly, the information had not reached her two dead brain cells yet and there was that uncomfortable pause and Bern looked up at her expectantly; she finally comprehended what Bern had said, giggled like a little child, and thought it was a joke and picked up her bag and left the office. Bern the diplomat – however the consultant never visited again.
Now I make a point of never popping in to see a client, I make sure they are expecting me, because through years of training I have realized that this is unprofessional and I would not like to be faced with a customer who is annoyed at my visit.
The Potential Client
These clients are fun to visit as they are quite happy to chat and tell you all about their business and before you know it, you know everything about them and their kids and their gall bladders. I actually get on quite well with these clients and the meeting is quite a long meeting with a relationship being built. You sit and listen and try to find out common interest, their hobby’s and goals. Sometimes the decorations in their office helps you with discovering who the client is and what his or her passions are. Photos of family, children, pictures on the walls of achieving ones goals, or fancy cars – or my dreaded naked ladies on calendars.
Usually you can strike up a conversation as to what is on display in their office, but I refuse to mention the naked ladies -that to me is just disrespectful. However, this does not always work, you have heard about making assumptions – don’t assume it is the persons office you are sitting in for the meeting. –A comment about how lovely the children are could turn into – well they are the ex and her new hubbies kids and I hate the little brats……. – after that trust me the meeting has lost its spark unless of course you want to swap stores on ex’s . Now this can also be very dangerous as this person may still be in love with their ex or hate them so much you are witness to an emotional break down and this is not good for business either. I can see myself having to hand over tissues and listen to how the person has been destroyed by the divorce (which I can relate to) and eventually I am holding this sobbing giant of a man telling him everything will be all right. What are the chances of me securing the business after the client has drooled on my shoulder and gulped down big heart wrenching wails? -None after that. The secret is to try to keep it simple and less personal, this also saves my heart as I am a real softy and am easily moved by a sad story and tend to become so involved in the unfairness of their plight that I want to fight the battle for them.
My plan of action, I ask them about their company, and how they market their products and they invariably tell you a little about themselves. Unless this only something that happens to me – as I have mentioned before – complete strangers have this need to share their life with me. However some potential clients lie on the phone and give you the impression that they are interested in doing business and need to make use of your specialized services – all this is a con to get you to come to their place of business. These are predatory players.
The Player Client
This client agreed to the appointment with one goal in mind…. To see what the consultant looks like and to see if they could score some extra benefits of the forbidden type. This happens a lot in our industry and I have learnt to overcome this type of client by handing them my rates schedule and explain that if it is not listed as a service IT IS NOT AVAILABLE. One client became quite over friendly and insisted we must go for dinner. I realized he fell into the “pig player category” and I faced the challenge with a combination of feeling like a trapped animal looking for an escape route and some of my normal gusto. These clients see every phone call from a female consultant as a possible trophy for their wall of conquests. Through the years, I have learnt to ask them directly if they agreed to the appointment just to see what I looked at, and some even have the decency to be honest and admit it. Well the joke is on them, gone are the days of me being a Hottie and now I fall into the category or almost matronly!
These clients believe that in order to close the deal they need to have the added extras. I had such a client - After handling him my rates schedule and trying to be diplomatic by joking that if it is not on the rates sheet and on the services offered then I am afraid it is not available. He was just not taking the hint and insisted we need to go out for dinner. With this becoming a little uncomfortable, I picked up my cell and started to dial my then husband – he asked me what I was doing, so I said, “I am inviting my husband to join us, why aren’t you going to invite your wife?” That was the time he tried to get added benefits and I left with my dignity intact and then reported him to his MD for asking for “favours”. Sorry but that type of harassment I just will not tolerate. I also have a low tolerance for Power Clients.
The Power Clients
We have all met these clients. … the clients who believe they earn more than Bill Gate and walk around with an attitude of “Do you know who I am?” They spout off names of people they know and associate with – try to intimidate you with tactics of overbearing bullying and insist on low rates. Now this does not work with me at all. It is like a red flag to a bull -I take them head on and will not back down. I don’t care who they are, I do not care how much money they have, and more importantly I do not care if they can make my yearly sales target. I have learnt this type of client may be an extremely bad payer and more often than not this is the reason he is wealthy because he knows that court cases take forever and as he has more money than I will ever see in a life time I will not have the funds to take him to court. They treat you with such disrespect however, when you stand up to them and bully back an amazing transformation takes place. This bolstering bully becomes a puppy dog -All wags and wriggles and suddenly you are given all the information about their particular needs and as you exit, they tell you that no one else was prepared to handle their business. Gosh is this any surprise to them. I advise them I will get back to them and will advise them what we have decided is best for their business. Sometimes I do quote and leave it at that after telling them that our rates are not negotiable. One time I was with this client and he was insisting on a discount, so I turned the tables and asked him how much his product was and he smiled and glowed and told me all about how wonderful his product was and the technical jargon and how lucky I would be to have his product. I smiled and said
“wow that sounds amazing – so it is a top product and you are proud of it?”
He of course nodded, smiled, and said it is the best in the market. So I smiled again and then the claws came out
“That sounds very good, however please can you give me a 25% discount as I do not believe your product is worth the price you are asking”
He was totally offended and quickly jumped in to tell me about the benefits and features and why it was worth the amount he was selling it at and that it was worth every penny. To which I added
“Well Mr. Client, what I have requested is no different to what you have asked of me. You have asked me to discount my rates and thereby cheapen my product and service. Like you I pride myself in my company and the little bit extra ensures your goods are delivered as promised.” He was speechless and could not fault my reasoning and finally said “extremely well put, I have never had anyone take me on like that before.” Okay so I did not get the business straight away; but I also did not let the company down by selling our service at a Cheap and Nasty rate, which affects our service levels at the end of the day. He did contact me again after he lost a whole consignment to one of his cheaper providers and agreed that rates are not Always as important as the actual delivery of the consignment is. Some Power clients are so full of their own importance however and they believe throwing your printed rates at you while in a discussion will encourage me to give them better rates… Not likely buddy, even if I had been inclined before to re-look the rates – that type of action will only ensure a mail advising them that we have evaluated their type of freight and feel that our company would be better off not handling it. I have done this before in principal and have accepted that you win some you lose some. Selling can be quite a painful experience and rejection is a normal event in the sales cycle – however there are clients that are a pain in the derrière.
The Painful Client
This client whines, moans, and is so difficult to please. They request credits all the times and even when the service they have requested has been fulfilled. They whine about the weather when you visit. They whine about their job, their wife, and their children and are an extreme irritation. However, they are not a bad client to have; I have found if you let them moan and get it off their chest, they feel better. Then it is easier to discuss business and offer solutions to their work problems where distribution is concerned and overall they can become a loyal client and in time a “friend” as long as you keep the boundaries in place and they respect your boundaries it can work. Sometimes these clients just need to be noticed as they may have a terrible home life or have been dealt a bad hand in the cards of life. In addition, a painful client can be encouraged to be more positive and fun to be around and their business can benefit from the positive change. This leads me to the Prosperous Client
The Prosperous Client
These are the best clients because chances are you helped them grow in their endeavors and you have been there for them when they were considered a tiny client that no one else would have anything to do with their little enterprise. We had such a client who sold waffles and muffins and he now distributes to all the Spars countrywide. We helped him get to that point because the quicker we delivered the quicker the orders came in and it became known that his turnaround time for orders placed with his company was quick and the goods were fresh when they arrived. I love dealing with the prosperous client who does not have a chip on his shoulder and still values advice and remembers the people who helped him get to where he is today. We helped him build his little empire. These clients stay loyal and you grow with them professionally to.
Being a sales consultant has most certainly been interesting and entertaining, and I have learnt a lot about myself, and at times I know I have been a few of the above mentioned clients .
However I have never been the Power Client as I still count my pennies to make it to the end of the month – and in hind sight and all that, I am quite happy with what life has dealt me and I play the cards it has given me to the best of my ability.
I saw silk worms in the various stages of growth and I was also introduced to meal worms! The only way I can describe them is ---- ikkkkkky shriek, horrid, prickly feelings under the arms as you watch them wriggle and Terry handles them as if they are great. Oh no, it may be the direction our industry is going, I only hope I never have to package them or retrieve them from the vehicles if they somehow escape from their containers. It has also been a week with meeting different personalities and how we as people and consultants react to each new client. It has been my experience that some clients actually become friends. However, I am not sure Terry’s lovely wife will allow me back, because I fell in love with her Great Dane and would easily have slipped her into my car if she were not so tall. The Great Dane met me at my car and looked me directly in my eyes through my car window. What an extremely gorgeous Lady, big beautiful eyes, one of them blue and such a soft nature. She will lick an intruder to death before she bites them. Terry’s lovely wife warned me not to take her “baby” and said I could have her hubby instead. Giggle! I cannot wait for them to meet my little zoo and possibly Monster would have had her kittens by then.
Speaking of which, she is the grumpiest pregnant cat I have ever met. She eats all day and growls at her children all day and if we try to move her to her secure bedroom, she also growls at us. I have to say I tread very carefully around her. I rely on my natural ability to read moods when I am near her- as this is the safest option- I pet her lots and offer her food whenever she looks at me.
During my years of selling, I have had to learnt how to use this natural ability to read moods and how to read a client. I look for the buying signals as well as those clients who just wanted rates to force their current carrier to drop their rates.
If I had to categorize clients, I have met this is how they would be categorized:
The Professional Client:
They do not have time to chat and want to get down to the basics. Give them the rates and the basics. Ask what their needs are requirements are and then GET OUT AND leave them to do their work. Now Bern Falls into this category - professional but has no time for a chit chat. I remember in Johannesburg there was a consultant who would “pop” in for a service call to make sure that the company was happy with the service they were receiving. Now she dealt with Bern as Bern handled this function and dealt with suppliers.
So this pretty woman walks into Bern’s office in her high heels and short skirt and booby top (unfortunately, you will always have these types in the freight industry). She toddles over to Bern’s desk, sits down and smiles this big empty smile and speaks
In her squeaky girly voice she says “Hello Bern, I was in the area and thought I would pop in to say hi and chat” This is hysterical because Bern does not like princesses or divas at the best of times, and she has zero tolerance for “dumb” and do not interrupt her day with drivel.
Bern used her famous eyebrow stare and responded. “When you next get that urge – ignore it and it will pass - if I have a problem or need more vehicles I will phone you!”
Now this dolly bird sat there, smiled, and waited for more. Clearly, the information had not reached her two dead brain cells yet and there was that uncomfortable pause and Bern looked up at her expectantly; she finally comprehended what Bern had said, giggled like a little child, and thought it was a joke and picked up her bag and left the office. Bern the diplomat – however the consultant never visited again.
Now I make a point of never popping in to see a client, I make sure they are expecting me, because through years of training I have realized that this is unprofessional and I would not like to be faced with a customer who is annoyed at my visit.
The Potential Client
These clients are fun to visit as they are quite happy to chat and tell you all about their business and before you know it, you know everything about them and their kids and their gall bladders. I actually get on quite well with these clients and the meeting is quite a long meeting with a relationship being built. You sit and listen and try to find out common interest, their hobby’s and goals. Sometimes the decorations in their office helps you with discovering who the client is and what his or her passions are. Photos of family, children, pictures on the walls of achieving ones goals, or fancy cars – or my dreaded naked ladies on calendars.
Usually you can strike up a conversation as to what is on display in their office, but I refuse to mention the naked ladies -that to me is just disrespectful. However, this does not always work, you have heard about making assumptions – don’t assume it is the persons office you are sitting in for the meeting. –A comment about how lovely the children are could turn into – well they are the ex and her new hubbies kids and I hate the little brats……. – after that trust me the meeting has lost its spark unless of course you want to swap stores on ex’s . Now this can also be very dangerous as this person may still be in love with their ex or hate them so much you are witness to an emotional break down and this is not good for business either. I can see myself having to hand over tissues and listen to how the person has been destroyed by the divorce (which I can relate to) and eventually I am holding this sobbing giant of a man telling him everything will be all right. What are the chances of me securing the business after the client has drooled on my shoulder and gulped down big heart wrenching wails? -None after that. The secret is to try to keep it simple and less personal, this also saves my heart as I am a real softy and am easily moved by a sad story and tend to become so involved in the unfairness of their plight that I want to fight the battle for them.
My plan of action, I ask them about their company, and how they market their products and they invariably tell you a little about themselves. Unless this only something that happens to me – as I have mentioned before – complete strangers have this need to share their life with me. However some potential clients lie on the phone and give you the impression that they are interested in doing business and need to make use of your specialized services – all this is a con to get you to come to their place of business. These are predatory players.
The Player Client
This client agreed to the appointment with one goal in mind…. To see what the consultant looks like and to see if they could score some extra benefits of the forbidden type. This happens a lot in our industry and I have learnt to overcome this type of client by handing them my rates schedule and explain that if it is not listed as a service IT IS NOT AVAILABLE. One client became quite over friendly and insisted we must go for dinner. I realized he fell into the “pig player category” and I faced the challenge with a combination of feeling like a trapped animal looking for an escape route and some of my normal gusto. These clients see every phone call from a female consultant as a possible trophy for their wall of conquests. Through the years, I have learnt to ask them directly if they agreed to the appointment just to see what I looked at, and some even have the decency to be honest and admit it. Well the joke is on them, gone are the days of me being a Hottie and now I fall into the category or almost matronly!
These clients believe that in order to close the deal they need to have the added extras. I had such a client - After handling him my rates schedule and trying to be diplomatic by joking that if it is not on the rates sheet and on the services offered then I am afraid it is not available. He was just not taking the hint and insisted we need to go out for dinner. With this becoming a little uncomfortable, I picked up my cell and started to dial my then husband – he asked me what I was doing, so I said, “I am inviting my husband to join us, why aren’t you going to invite your wife?” That was the time he tried to get added benefits and I left with my dignity intact and then reported him to his MD for asking for “favours”. Sorry but that type of harassment I just will not tolerate. I also have a low tolerance for Power Clients.
The Power Clients
We have all met these clients. … the clients who believe they earn more than Bill Gate and walk around with an attitude of “Do you know who I am?” They spout off names of people they know and associate with – try to intimidate you with tactics of overbearing bullying and insist on low rates. Now this does not work with me at all. It is like a red flag to a bull -I take them head on and will not back down. I don’t care who they are, I do not care how much money they have, and more importantly I do not care if they can make my yearly sales target. I have learnt this type of client may be an extremely bad payer and more often than not this is the reason he is wealthy because he knows that court cases take forever and as he has more money than I will ever see in a life time I will not have the funds to take him to court. They treat you with such disrespect however, when you stand up to them and bully back an amazing transformation takes place. This bolstering bully becomes a puppy dog -All wags and wriggles and suddenly you are given all the information about their particular needs and as you exit, they tell you that no one else was prepared to handle their business. Gosh is this any surprise to them. I advise them I will get back to them and will advise them what we have decided is best for their business. Sometimes I do quote and leave it at that after telling them that our rates are not negotiable. One time I was with this client and he was insisting on a discount, so I turned the tables and asked him how much his product was and he smiled and glowed and told me all about how wonderful his product was and the technical jargon and how lucky I would be to have his product. I smiled and said
“wow that sounds amazing – so it is a top product and you are proud of it?”
He of course nodded, smiled, and said it is the best in the market. So I smiled again and then the claws came out
“That sounds very good, however please can you give me a 25% discount as I do not believe your product is worth the price you are asking”
He was totally offended and quickly jumped in to tell me about the benefits and features and why it was worth the amount he was selling it at and that it was worth every penny. To which I added
“Well Mr. Client, what I have requested is no different to what you have asked of me. You have asked me to discount my rates and thereby cheapen my product and service. Like you I pride myself in my company and the little bit extra ensures your goods are delivered as promised.” He was speechless and could not fault my reasoning and finally said “extremely well put, I have never had anyone take me on like that before.” Okay so I did not get the business straight away; but I also did not let the company down by selling our service at a Cheap and Nasty rate, which affects our service levels at the end of the day. He did contact me again after he lost a whole consignment to one of his cheaper providers and agreed that rates are not Always as important as the actual delivery of the consignment is. Some Power clients are so full of their own importance however and they believe throwing your printed rates at you while in a discussion will encourage me to give them better rates… Not likely buddy, even if I had been inclined before to re-look the rates – that type of action will only ensure a mail advising them that we have evaluated their type of freight and feel that our company would be better off not handling it. I have done this before in principal and have accepted that you win some you lose some. Selling can be quite a painful experience and rejection is a normal event in the sales cycle – however there are clients that are a pain in the derrière.
The Painful Client
This client whines, moans, and is so difficult to please. They request credits all the times and even when the service they have requested has been fulfilled. They whine about the weather when you visit. They whine about their job, their wife, and their children and are an extreme irritation. However, they are not a bad client to have; I have found if you let them moan and get it off their chest, they feel better. Then it is easier to discuss business and offer solutions to their work problems where distribution is concerned and overall they can become a loyal client and in time a “friend” as long as you keep the boundaries in place and they respect your boundaries it can work. Sometimes these clients just need to be noticed as they may have a terrible home life or have been dealt a bad hand in the cards of life. In addition, a painful client can be encouraged to be more positive and fun to be around and their business can benefit from the positive change. This leads me to the Prosperous Client
The Prosperous Client
These are the best clients because chances are you helped them grow in their endeavors and you have been there for them when they were considered a tiny client that no one else would have anything to do with their little enterprise. We had such a client who sold waffles and muffins and he now distributes to all the Spars countrywide. We helped him get to that point because the quicker we delivered the quicker the orders came in and it became known that his turnaround time for orders placed with his company was quick and the goods were fresh when they arrived. I love dealing with the prosperous client who does not have a chip on his shoulder and still values advice and remembers the people who helped him get to where he is today. We helped him build his little empire. These clients stay loyal and you grow with them professionally to.
Being a sales consultant has most certainly been interesting and entertaining, and I have learnt a lot about myself, and at times I know I have been a few of the above mentioned clients .
However I have never been the Power Client as I still count my pennies to make it to the end of the month – and in hind sight and all that, I am quite happy with what life has dealt me and I play the cards it has given me to the best of my ability.
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