STATIONERY REQUEST - WHO KNEW IT WOULD BE SUCH A DISASTER

Who would have thought that placing a simple order for paper for the printer would land up being so difficult



Step 1. Phone Head office and request paper to be sent

Step 2. Wait for paper…………

Ummmm not so simple actually



Step 1. Ask head office for paper

Step 2. Be told I need to put request in writing for authorization

Step 3. Send the Mail….

Well there you have it

NOT……………………………

1. I place “RODER FOR PAPER”

2. Bern sees my Mistake and replies to my mail (REPLY TO ALL) “ And while Michelle wants to RODER paper, I would like to place an ORDER for paper.” (she has this beady eye and picks up my mistakes after I have pressed send!!!) need to get her to proof read my mails

3. I see Bern collapsed at her computer pissing herself laughing – and of course I want to know what is so funny

4. I read Bern’s response and I decide ever so cleverly to fix my mail and re send it

5. PLEASE CAN WE ODER PAPER FROM FORMAX

6. Stupidly just presses send. I think I am real smart and tactfully says nothing more – all chuffed with myself for correcting the mail

7. Elize in Cape Town responds “Formax don’t smell too bad but I am sure they will accept an ORDER!!

8. Bern reads my mail responds REPLY TO ALL AGAIN – now hanging onto her desk for strength “OMG! What am I going to do with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

9. I get all embarrassed but decide what the hell… let me show how funny I am very careful to spell correctly : New version of paper…. Get with the programme you two. So you think you are both so *&*^ing clever

10. adding: “Elize…. You did accuse us of using it as toilet paper. Bern just told me I am a real ass

Elize replies” Go Bern……. Now can you please stick to the regular 1-ply crappy stuff for your bums!!! Sell her to the Carny folk!!!

So we think this all over and done with and I decide that I am not going to send the mail to Nadia as instructed to do by Elize so Bern sends the mail:

“Hi Natalie

Please can you arrange for an order for a box of paper for ACT Durban”

11. Mail from Elize: You okes are hilarious!!!! Whose Natalie??? LMAO

12. Bern sees what she has done and mails “OOOOOOO MMMMMMMMM GGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s contagious!

13. Elize is now unable to type work, answer the phone and is barely able to respond – but somehow she find the super human strength to respond “My thoughts exactly!! I hope I can’t catch it thru email!!

14. Bern realizes what she has done. She pushes her chair away from the desk. Looks at me with tears streaming down her face now – I can see she is just about to pee her pants with the sheer ridiculous nature of what started out at a simple task of order paper – she plonks herself down in the chair – out of breathe unable to tell me why she is laughing. Its turned into hiccups laughs now – and she bashes this out on her keys…”Sorry Nadia!!!!!! I am not having a very clear minded day here!”

15. Bern then decided it was best to leave the office as I could not stop laughing.

We hope Natalie / Nadia processes our Order! We really do need paper and I am most definitely not going to ask Head Office again.

My computer bleeps at me and it’s a Skype from Elize…………………………..so I respond

Skype

• Michelle : HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

• Michelle: my stomach is sore from laughing. Hi Natalie....... oh dear! it’s funny

• Elize: I am giggling myself stupid here.......

• Elize: I can't figure out who is more blonde today

• Elize Natalie???

• Elize : WTF????

• Michelle: exactly. and I said "Bern you better place the ORDER because I just seem to screw it up...."

• Michelle: I collapsed on the floor. wouldn’t think we are professional and efficient and all that. boy we do have some damn good laughs though.

• Elize: I'm starting to wonder if I should ask you two peanuts to do simple things like oder/roder OR order paper from Nadia / Natalie (for short)

• Elize: My I should ORDER paper from NADIA in future

My obvious response to this comment is.. well that is what I tried to do earlier!!

Durban Freight Procedures -& working with Cats

Bern has been handling freight for quite a few years now. She has worked under extreme pressure and difficult work environments. But her experience in Durban has been different t to say the least.



Bern’s evening operational procedure.

1. Remove cat from out bound box where the waybills are kept for capturing

2. Make sure all documents still intact without shredded/ chewed/ paper

3. Remove cat from box again

4. Go to medicine cabinet to get plaster for ripped hand

5. Re-print all complaint sheets, which we attach to deliveries destined for the customer care company we handle collection on behalf of

6. Remove cat again.

7. Shriek uncontrollably as cat is now ripping Bern’s arm apart

8. Quick trip to after hour’s medical centre – R350 later and pain pills from chemist extra R120.00

9. Walk in and gingerly look at cat – make sure to keep her distance. Reach out and gently tip cat out of out bound freight box…….

10. Say .... F... it you can have the bloody out bound box...., - grab the waybills from the cat’s claws – waybills are now in tatters.

11. Try to work on Michelle’s computer, and reprint everything

12. Remove another cat from Michelle's chair

12. Get attacked for her efforts

13. Return trip to medical centre – stitches and strange looks from the medical staff.

14. Find an open off hours bottle store – buy as much southern comfort as your now empty wallet will allow- realize that a thimble full is all you have enough money for and settle for a free calendar they hand out. After all, you deserve something for the trip

15. Return home; almost forget to open the gate as she drives in to the driveway.

16. Only just remember to open the gate, cursing because she is sure she left the gate open for her speedy return

17. Walk into the house and comment that the gate was closed. Michelle reminds her that closing the gate is not an option for Safety in South Africa

18. Glare at the cat, and very quietly under breath swears obscenities…

19. Stand and capture with bandaged fingers with blood dripping on key board

20. Take a tranquilizer and just give up – shouting that the waybills can be sent to Cape Town without being captured and G help anyone who asks why there are no pre-alerts on the system.

21. Get ready for bed – all the cats follow……. Humph at the unfairness of it all. Reach for more pain pills and then have to give up the bed for 5 cats who rule!