Kings the Game for the very Brave

Kings the Game for the very Brave



I explained earlier we went to Johannesburg to visit the girls. Well on the Saturday night we had friends over and it landed up being just a girl’s night. For no reason, just the way it happened.



Present were:

My girls Sarah and Cait;

Shireen and Her lovely Michelle

Shane and her friend Debbie and

Bern and I



Well we started the evening playing 30 seconds but Shireen was not too happy with this decision as she says she hates playing against Bern and I; her reason and her example was:



Me: describing my question: It’s blue

And Bern’s answer: The Great China wall.



She believes we have this mental thread that keeps us connected so we always know what we are talking about. Really we are not that good -We just use situations we both know to refer to something. Mostly from previous games where someone has had us in stitches as they try to explain a word for example:





Sound of Music: I would say the hills are alive.........

Simple.

Or Oh My G.. And Bern would say Beyers Naude because there is an association with my friend Brenda who we corrected when she pronounced Beyers Naude when giving directions to her sister Roz - and Brenda replied Beyers Naude with Oh My G.. added.



Heat Wave...... I mentioned this in one of my earlier blogs. All we need to say is do these Jeans make me look....... and leave it for them to finish -also from another game where Carol could not explain Heat .. all she said

"When it’s hot it’s......; so we responded Very Very hot. So now we ask if these jeans look ……on our butts- and of course we get it.



It’s more to do with association than Being Good at the Game.



Well the game was not going well and we were winning and I decided to call it quits because the vibe was rather stressed between my girls who were not quite as in sync as they normally are. I think the Soccer celebrations form the night before may have had something to do with that. Me thinks too much of the Marry-gold’s were had.



So I suggested we play Kings. No keep in Mind it is a drinking game...and contrary to popular thinking I am not a drinker and even less now as I have on this Toxic cleanse thing.



So when I was made God by choosing the Ace I was thrilled. The power. The fun - the giggles and the situation I am able to come up with.............. Power is GooooooD!



Here is a refresher.



The card you pull means you have to do something and followed by having a sip or gulp of your drink depending on the player and how "Thirsty they are"



Not going to go into it, but I think you get the gist of it.



Well I pulled the 3rd Ace and was God and the 4th Ace I was in my element. Besides making Shane cluck like a chicken I was quite into this Power play…. So the first thing I did was make poor Michelle drink her drinks with her chin on the table and keep her chin on the table. This was really funny – and not mean as its one of the rules that is used often. Poor Cait normally lands up having to do it.



Then Shireen had to do the Waka Waka song movements every time she had to drink.

The evening progressed and with that I decided to liven things up a lot (Bern was responsible for being the one who whispered these suggestions in my ear…I am way too innocent for that”. Poor Cait got picked on again and she had to finish every sentence with

“With my Boobies”

And Michelle was allowed to take her chin of the table and was made to sing the Wimpy breakfast song. Now if you not from South Africa you will not really get the song because it talks about a Lekker Breakfast with eggs over easy.

So I changed it slightly and said that when it was sung, it had to say, and Shane is over Easy.

Then poor Shireen was pulled in and she had to say

“With my vijayjay” No explanation required.

Sarah: Open wide (sorry people this was a girls night and we can all get rather naughty with our words.





So there we play, starting with Shane:

Shane: Cait’s Boobs are over easy

Shireen: with my Vijayjay

Michelle: Shane is so over easy

Sarah: Open Wide

Cait: “WITH MY BOOBIES”



So this had to be said in a row when it was time to drink and every time the person said a sentence they had to end with their designated comment.



Well Shane was supposed to play and she was a little distracted…..

So Shireen says to her



“Shane it’s your turn…pause, blush giggle “with my Vijayjay”

That was us finished. We could not play or even finish a sentence. One of those you had to be there to enjoy it because all hell broke loose and Cait decided to respond



“Shireen you just told Shane it’s her turn with your vijayjay “with my boobies”



Oh well it all went pear shaped from there and I have to tell you, no one was sloshed or totally under the weather but we really laughed and my stomach muscles were given such a work out. When I finally managed to drag myself back on the chair as I laughed so loud I was quite out of breath.



Michelle declared that this was one game where she got a total body work out and was able to remember the evening. In her estimation the best Game EVER!



Now we have Mathew’s 21st coming up and guess what? Everyone wants to play Kings and they hope that I am nominated God again.



I say “Bring it on…. I am sure I can come up with situations that will impress and add to the laughter of the event.



Now I have to say I am nervous about the 21sr as I am not good with planning events or meeting many people but as I did for my Sarah, I will do this with pleasure. I only hope that the Magnet for disaster and Mishaps is tuned out for that weekend as I know I have this Bulls eye tattooed on my head for these situations to happen



Like Tuesday evening.



I am quite happily lying in bed, with my winter pajamas on and they have Disney designs on of the Donkey form Pooh Bear and its cold and spot that the curtain is not hooked to the curtain hooks so I stand on the bed and gingerly reach for the hooky thing and slip it in quickly. I then walk off the bed gracefully and intentionally and whoops, my pajama pants land up at my ankles……

The waist band is not as tight as it was and I quickly pull it up and Bern is literally rolling on the floor at my attempt of a “Strip Show”



So highly disgusted and embarrassed and mortified I climb into bed and lie on my side sulking. Bern then decides to stop laughing and climbs into bed next to me. The next minute I scream and try to jump out the bed…



Because Sweet Angel Kitten has decided she needs to sleep under the covers….. Nothing wrong with that, but in her haste to get under the blankets... she has decided the loose pjs are the best place to crawl into claws first.

Those pjs’ (pajamas) are now history and I need plastic surgery on my neither region as I shot out of bed so quickly, half of my derriere is still stuck on Angel’s claws.



Like a said…. I am a magnet for the ridiculous and the painful.

Unfortunate Mishaps and giggles and the need for therapy!

Kittens Kittens everywhere, not an Elastoplasts in sight but many other embarrassing moments!


I do love animals, in fact I am a real sucker for their cute antics and the way they just melt your heart.

The new additions are amazing and I am truly loving them and the attention they give me…but…….. There are those days.



About two weeks ago, while I was sitting at my desk here Angel decided she needed to climb on the head rest of the chair. This was all fine and Dandy until she decided I must have hidden treasure in my hair. Well she climbed right in and tunneled and burrowed and foraged. This was an experience I am sure not many of you can relate too. She not only burrowed she decided she needed to become my hat. She sat on my head, claws deeply inserted into my head and sat there. Petering on top of my head like lady muck on toast; I sat there, grabbed the camera before my face was covered with the rivers of blood that I was sure was to follow and snapped away. The smile was a forced one I have to tell you and have edited it out. Too horrible for humans viewing. That expression on my face could have been used to force the plagues away when they hit our ancestors all those millenniums ago. I even jumped back in fright at the sight of it.

Speaking of jumping back in fright - I have story to share that will have you cringing with embarrassment for me so before I carry on with my delightful brats let me tell you how IT CAN ONLY HAPPEN TO ME.



Now sit back and revel in the fact that your lives are wonderful and full of butterflies and rainbows and soft candy floss and mine is filled with Unfortunate Mishaps which I seem to instigate or am most definitely a magnet for. You know that saying There But for the Grace of God go I…. well you can use this saying today as I am sure you do not want to swap places.



Ok here goes.

This Break, call it Communications Blackout was not just been waiting for Telkom and now Neotel too clearly I need this time to reflect on my sins, it has been filled with work crisis and normal stressful situations that a telephone would have been of assistance or being able to look up a proof of delivery or do a quote would have made me feel a little bit more effectual.



The time has also been filled with giggles and shared embarrassment.



Last year my cell phone broke during my fall at work. (This one is still not fixed and I now have to use ear phones to answer the phone.) Well I was sent a replacement and Bern in one of her moments of madness snuck a quick cleavage shot. Only the cleavage and that was the last I thought of it. All decked out in sleeper shirt with this v neck. Click, shot done, and that was my last thought of it. Until I sent the phone back to the head office for repairs as I think my cleavage must have broken the phone because it just would not switch on and froze and was a damn nightmare.



Bern, our friend Val and I were sitting at Balito after dropping my Friend Shane at the airport and we were talking about phones and I was taking a picture of the view from the restaurant we were sitting at having a cold drink and a light lunch, when Bern suddenly got this expression on her face - One of sheer mischief and horror. I looked at her and asked her what on earth was wrong, and enquired if she needed me to find out where the “ladies” were.



She looked at me and said words you do not want to hear, unless you are Paris Hilton or Britney or That Kendra girl from Play Boy Mansion…… “Shell that phone you sent back? Well it has the photo of your cleavage shot on!”



Now this comment was followed by silence as I could only imagine my boss getting the stupid thing to work and knowing him he would browse and look and see and play with the damn phone!!!! My hope is the phone needs to be trashed because believe me my cleavage is not something worth seeing unless you like old!!!! But I can just see him putting it on our web page or some other embarrassing thing.

I sat there horrified and was unable to carry on with light conversation. In fact when the shock passed I used very un-lady like language and berated Bern for not deleting it. I mean it’s just my V Neck, no face not name tags to show it was me. But it’s the principle, it’s my cleavage!!! And now my boss has seen it.



So I phone my big boss; my female boss and ask her if she can retrieve the phone, take it for upgrade or whatever and delete pictures etc, because once it froze there was no ways we could get into the gallery.



Well she started to laugh and then she laughed some more and asked me if I remember sending my computer in for repairs in June. I said yes, and I asked her if she was referring to my Skype with Bern.



She was silent ; then asked how I knew what she was talking about so I said. Well when my computer came back, I saw that my history was still on Skype and was sure Erich had read it.



She said he somehow managed to get the computer to switch on, and for the life of me, why he thought Skype was in any was responsible for the thing just switching off is beyond me. Well he got an education like one he wished he had never had in his life. Now, now it as not heavy as in should be banned, well maybe a little, but it was suggestive and naughty enough and things were suggested for the weekend and oh well use your own imagination……



Needless to say, I was horrified that my fear of him reading my Skype were in fact true and that now this GM knew more about me than I would have liked. Most definitely not something one sits down and shares with ones boss and not something you would ever want your boss to know.



The way it was described to me by my female boss goes as follows:



“He was sitting at his desk and the next thing he shot out of his chair pushed his chair away and said “OH MY G” and stood up in front of the screen and covered is eyes and said “OH MY G” once again, and started to push buttons to close the programme. He stood there red faced and refused to say what he had read. Only that it was personal stuff on Grav’s computer followed by more “OH MY G’s. “



Well by the time my MD had finished sharing this with me; I was hysterical with laughter, embarrassment and also had a fit of a few “OF MY G” of my own. Now this fits into that category of “F MY LIFE” and this only happens to me - Can only happen to me, I mean really people, I am a disaster waiting to happen. If there is a moment out there waiting for total humiliation, it is waiting for me. If there is a queue that will be moving fast and quick it will stop when I join it. Or medication that only affects one in every 100 thousand people; I will be that 1 person. I mean if it’s guaranteed not to break I will be the one who defies that rule, so it only stands to reason that of course my Skype was read by my boss.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



When I told Bern she was mortified and also thought it was very funny but she would, this is not her boss its mine. And chances are she can wing it so she never has to see him again, but not me I have to see him eventually and I speak to him on a regular basis. I keep wanting to hint at the Skype or ask him if he has read anything good lately but my courage fails me and I rush through the call just to prevent me making an even bigger idiot of myself. So this really fits in well with “F MY LIFE”



I finally calmed down, however on the phone I gave the impression that “OH well SH-T happens" and he should know better than to read my personal Skype it’s not a work Skype address! But my heart was racing, my face was red, my now earlier photographed cleavage was blood red in shock right up to under my chin - My blood pressure out the window. I mean how I am I to have a serious conversation with this man, about budgets and new vehicles and new business when he has read my inner secret needs!!!!



Somehow I think “In my professional Opinion we should follow this course of Action….” (He may even ask me what my profession is!?) ..Is not going to have any effect or come across as being in control and efficient or even able to do the job! No; all he will remember is my Skype and my cleavage photo. Really my heart cannot take much more of my own stupidity. DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!!! NEW MOTTO.

An hour later I sent my Female boss a sms saying “I feel so much closer to (boss name )……. Now” and sent it.



Can you blame me, I have to try and pretend that I am so not fazed by this. Oh yes during this conversation with my female boss; I did tell her about my earlier embarrassing moment when I mistook a call from my client to be my friend and decided to share my personal plans for the weekend. Thank goodness she laughed with me and told me I was weird and actually very funny. She wanted to know how the client reacted and screamed with laughter when I said verbatim “

“I am very happy to hear you got such sensual plans for the weekend, but please tell me where my parcel is?” This was one of those very funny moments. And I have come to realize I am my own worst enemy.



This client and I are on good terms now; I mean after being so open and forthcoming how can I pretend to be a prude now. I did explain to her that I thought she was my very good friend Tash, and she saw the humour, but she still knows I planned to get Lucky that weekend. Her words not mine!!!



So life is full of surprises and funny moments and I seem to be a magnet for them. Good and bad, I seem to have a bull’s eye on my forehead and I am ready for the next challenge.

Oh may the angels protect me from myself but these angels have left my side and I am living proof of this.



Not only have they left me to my own devices they have decided to add a few giggles of their own.

Angel and Tabby Love the bath and teeter on the rim of the bath and watch the water with great fascination. Now don’t get ahead of yourself and try to anticipate the outcome. They say no Good Deed goes unpunished - very true!



Angel was the first little victim to fall in the bath and I rescued her very quickly and grabbed the towel and she was quite happy to be dried and loved and she purred with the pleasure after the near drowning experience. In fact I think she comes back for more. Shame this tiny baby was drenched, only her head was dry but as I say she was no worse for the wear and lives on.



Tabby on the other hand will be the death of me. Last week she decided to do the ballerina style dance on the rim and was doing quite well and I managed to take a two photos as proof that cats do love water. When without warning the dogs rushed out to see who was at the gate and the cats followed but Tabby in her rush to chase fell into the bath. I managed to pull her out and jumped out the bath and gave her a quick dry before she wriggled out of my hands.

So I ran into my bedroom in my “Birthday suit” and was looking for her. I finally found her under one of the chairs I have in the room and bent over to retrieve her. With that my house cleaner slammed by bedroom door shut. I realized in horror and total embarrassment that the dogs had opened my bedroom door as it was not closed tight and my butt and all that goes with that area was in display as I was crouching to find this drowned rat.



It can only happen to me. So I quickly turned and grabbed a shirt that was handing off the chair and tied it around my butt and retrieved kitty – talk about closing the gate after the horse has bolted. It was just me in the room by then, but still I was horrified.

I phoned Bern and said “I feel so much closer to Fikile Now!” Well she was surprised and pleased to hear this but asked me why;



“Well she now knows a little too much about me and my body parts!” and went on to explain what happened. Bern still chortles about this. Not so funny Bern, I now close the door and make sure its closes shut before I go and bath…. And no I do not keep the kittens out the bathroom as they sit at the door and meow and scream to come in.



My little zoo and the joys that go with it- and this is only two of the stories where these kittens have had their revenge on me; there is more to follow.



So now I ask you with tears streaming down my face…. You want my life or is yours not as bad as you thought?

Start of World Cup Soccer

This was the 11th June, the start of the soccer world cup and I have to say the country needs to be like this all the time. The unity, the joined spirit and yes we actually smiled at each other without fear.



My morning started with me going to clear a parcel at the airport for a delivery to Howick. 135km from here. I received notification of this airport clearance at 11.30 pm on Thursday night. Must say I was surprised to get one so late, but in this industry you are on call 24/7. So I replied yes, I would do it.



So the next morning I was up at 5.30am and left for airport at 6.00am which is a 45 minute driver to collect the parcel. Now I have been to this client before so I knew it was going to be a cooler box the size of a chest. Fills the back of my car but weighs very little. About 6 kgs. So I dutifully drive to the airport after doing the hair and face challenge. I swear this is the bain for my life, why we have morning hair is anyone’s guess. Cruel and unnecessary and I need to complain to whomever the hair God is! And the war paint is so tiresome, but the clients would need serious therapy if I went all natural. Oh my goodness, Friday the thirteen on Friday the 11th!



I arrived at the airport at 7.00am and asked for the consignment to be told it was only arriving at 8.00am and was clearable at 9.00am. Now this information I could have done with when I was sent the sms!! So I said “You gotta be Frikin kidding right!?”



Oh well the airport is based in the middle of nowhere now so I could not just go and drive to a shopping mall and grab a cup of coffee, I had to go to the airport and have a cup of coffee there and the parking is R12.00 for 1 hour. Very expensive. So I sent the boss a message that had sent me the sms and told him coffee and parking and breakfast was on him. He could have told me the times. This needed to be delivered before 11.00am as that is an Overnight Service.



The airport was humming with excitement. I think k my desperate walk from the shaded parking to find the ladies, helped with the extreme mood. The parade parking was all closed off for VIP people for the visiting dignitaries.



As I walked through the airport I was stuck by the atmosphere. Yellow Bafana Bafana T shirts supporting South Africa, the blowing of the Vuvuzella (African trumpet like thing) which I have to tell you is extremely loud and the tourists were arriving and you could feel the tension build.



I sat at spur having a coffee and tried to find a less fattening breakfast to eat. New health plan is what I am on at the moment as my colon has decided I have abused it enough. Not many choices, so I settled for a toast and cheese and tomato sandwich – I did not touch the fries. You would be so proud of me as that is my big weakness. Fries, chips, roast potatoes…… hmmmmm salivating here at the thought.



I people watched and listened to the Vuvuzella being blown in the airport and thought that it was amazing that one they were allowed to blow it as its very loud and blasts your brains out. just ask Bern, on Saturday she was in the bottle store and this very very very drunk man came up to the counter, turned towards her and blew the thing in her ear. She did not think she just reacted and grabbed the Vuvuzella and hit him with it! This man was nearly killed and he didn’t even know it. The manager of the bottle store thanked her for doing it and clapped. The offender just does not get it. That is not what you do…. Well he made a duck for it as the security guards were after him. Bloody idiot, and to choose Bern who has that “Don’t come near me Face” drunks have no fear. Just like that saying, “Drunks tread where angels fear to tread!” I of course though this was very funny, but more about that later.



Back to the airport. Such a variety of colours and outfits and children dressed in the South African colours with their safety helmets which have been changed to signify what our soccer supporters wear. Now I am sure there is a name for the safety helmets that have been decorated but I am afraid I am not educated in the soccer gear. Sorry guys if you are, you can tell me what they are called.



I sat and reveled at the feeling of unity and the buzz gave me Goosebumps. If you know anything about fear as I do, this is a feeling I wish we would bottle and sell to our country. Unity and one goal; pity it’s not an ongoing thing. Well not to dwell on the negative. It was so good to see the people arriving to meet the tourist and be so proud of their country.



I left the airport, walked that long walk to my car, paid the car parking fee and went to collect the parcel. The police presence was so obvious and they all looked so smart and organized. The amount of bikes on patrol was impressive on the high way. At one place there were 14 bikes on the side of the road waiting for dignitaries to be escorted in. Where were they when I needed the loo!!! I am important too. I could have done with an escort so I could get to the loo quickly. It’s all this water I am drinking to assist with them very abused colon! Where can I apply for escort help? And no not the Bad Escorts….. Not for me I am afraid. I don’t need that. Giggle!



The trip to Howick was a breeze and the only thing that was a bit upsetting was that I would be on the same road later that afternoon as we were going to see our girls….. Our biological daughters and the ones we have adopted on the way….. So in total I would be in the car for the trip to Howick and back. 3 hours and 6 hours to Johannesburg. My poor body! And add to that the lack of sleep from the night before, I was not really feeling that great.



The client was most impressed she received her parcel at 10h22, and I kept to the speed limit and she oohhed and ahhhed about the excellent service. I smiled and nodded and said the “That is what we are here for” and failed to add that the image in front of her did not just happen miraculously, it took time effort, war paint, caffeine and a great amount of strength…. But I was graceful and smiled and said see you next week I am sure. And walked out with my head held high and was so pleased that it was over.



The drive back to Pinetown was also without event. I arrived in Pinetown and at first glance I thought we were having a strike or one hell of a big battle with the noise and activity. The supporters were everywhere and the colour yellow was so bold and apparent. The shops were filled with people blowing the Vuvuzella, waling in the streets, showing their support and cheer. The taxis were filled to capacity with their occupants blowing their Vuvuzella and singing the Waka Waka song. I swear I was so close to joining them, but alas I am still not that brave and once again I had consumed too much water on the journey so Nature took first precedent.



My office/house is based on a busy road in Pinetown so the noise continued all day and the radio stations kept us informed of activities all over Durban and the people were so positive. The number of cars with South African flags on is very impressive. GO South Africa and Bafana Bafana.



When I arrived at home I must say my good mood was quickly doused, because Mathew had bought a flat screen TV and part of the deal was delivery and assembly of stand and TV. Clearly the delivery guys decided that they wanted to leave early and just dumped it and told my House keeper to just sign that it was not installed. Well I am not normally quick to get angry but as I am in the service industry… failure to deliver what you have been paid to do really makes my blood boil. For goodness sakes how hard is it to keep your word and to be service orientated and do your damn job!

So I telephone the shop, the manager is out and I ask for the next man/woman in charge and blast them. They charged for this service and who do they think they are ripping off. “I will get back to you” was my response. This did not help my blood pressure so I notified Mathew and he got all riled up and he got hold of the manager as he has his cell phone number and he blasted him from here to kingdom come with a few choice words thrown in.

Bern was about to blast them too but I told her I already had. Gosh my stress levels!!! I really need to learn to calm down. Is this something that happens with old age? I thought people were supposed to mellow with old age. Not me, not this broad, no I have become less tolerant of bullies, service failures, people who refuse to stand up for themselves and I am quite the grump of late. I am sure its coz this colon is not functioning properly and when you tell me I am full of it, you may be right!



After that I decide to phone my Johannesburg office to follow up on a deal I am working on and ask for the branch manager. Well this person answers the phone and I ask what place I have phoned. When she says the name of the company I sit there stunned as it is my company but I would need a translator of stupid to tell me that I had phoned the right company. Now some people are born to work on the phone others NOT SO MUCH. Now I am not knocking the ability to answer the phone but for goodness sakes use the right tenses and pronunciation. We are a professional company and people invest their freight to us and they spend very large amounts with us and all they want is to speak to someone who is able to direct the calls and take messages, they do not need to be treated as if the phone call is an inconvenience and still not be able to understand a word the staff member is saying. So I stumble through the conversation, finally work out that the manager is not in and ask to speak to the Customer Services manager to be told, “Im fraid heshe not on her desk, heshe is in the toilet! Cun I git hir to foned you?”



I sit at my desk, look at my phone and wonder what is going on, so I ask her again what her name is as I do not know her; decide she clearly will not understand human, but decide to leave a message for both of them to phone me back. I can just imagine my Friend Gadija not being impressed with the clients being told she is IN the toilet and that she sits ON her desk. Gadija is the poster girl for being efficient and professional. Well I put the phone down and am frustrated because I have visions of my big deal going south the first time my prospective client phones to speak to the Branch Manager or the Operations manager to clarify anything as the impression he will be given is one of ”NOT RELIABLE”



My mind boggles. So I decided to send a mail as a backup for feedback from the Branch manager. I am still waiting for the call from Gadija as I very much doubt it was passed on. Hmmmmmm not my way doing business. Any way I sound like a moaning Myrtle now so I will stop.



The Manager of the Furniture shops phones me back. Mistake number one, he calls me Mrs. Osterloh! Well I have not been that for nearly 18 years…. And I do not correct him as Mathew bought the TV, but my heckles rise. I listen to him apologizing and then I blast him and ask him if this is acceptable in his eyes. Of course he does the “NO Mrs. Osterloh It Is Not, I will resolve it and please can you just give me directions to your place as I am sending my assistant to come and assemble the unit and TV. “

I "humph" and say well he had better do something about this and I want the delivery guys to be given a written warning as they did not do what they were contracted to do. My good spirits and unity had flown out the window.



So I am told they will be with us within an hour, well that is not impossible as they shop is only 23kms away, three hours later I hear them at the gate. But you will be proud to know I was most cordial and just let them in without hitting them.

I showed respect and they did the job very quickly and even programmed it for me, then politely tuned into the soccer as the game had just started. I just burst out laughing and we watched a bit, very multinational in my lounge and then they left regretfully and I packed for the weekend with our girls.



This may sound like an easy task to you, but since Bern and I joined our lives, I do not do the packing. Bern has this ability to turn two suitcases of stuff into one and I find it quite intimidating as I have tried and tried and eventually throw a tantrum and tell her to JUST DO IT!



She looks at me as if any fool can pack, and yes any fool can pack, but not so that NASA would want to employ them to pack the astronauts requirements for a trip to Mars!



Well Bern arrived not long after the assistant manager left from the furniture store and she had the elegance not to unpack my suitcase but went to get another one for her requirements. I quickly pointed out that there were towels in and the toiletries and she had plenty of room for her stuff. She smiled that almost painful smile of indulging me and took the toiletries out and the game of 30 seconds and put her stuff in the case using a quarter of what I had used closed the case before it burst at the seams! Very diplomatic Bern; didn’t know you had it in you. Giggle



We left at 4.30pm and were hardly on the road when I received a “call me” from Mathew, I had seen he had sent me a call me but every time I tried to phone him back, the message was, “the person you are trying to get hold of is not available!” Panic rose in my throat, I was convinced he had been broken into. I finally got through only to be met with a flow of words with no breathing space between and I tried to decipher what he was saying. By now I was really in a panic state and we were looking for an off ramp on the high way to get back home as I was beyond thinking normal thoughts, I was in overdrive and wanted to get back to protect my sons…….he was in such a state and was quite loud, and finally I worked it out between the F words and the sheer panic and frustration from his side….

“THE TV JUST F BLEW UP! SPARKS, FUNNY NOISE AND IT BLEW UP! AND ITS ALL YOUR FAUTL!” (how it was my fault is anyone's guess - but this is how Mathew handles stress,; he shouts AT YOU)



My response was “You F kidding me!” well he had already phoned the Manager of the furniture shop and shouted at him for the rubbish he had sold him and threatened all sorts of legal action, and guess what, well Mathew was told to bring it back and they would replace it, so we paid for the delivery of the TV only to have to go and fetch another one. We will be doing a little letter insisting that the delivery charges be reversed! Mathew will be handling that because I do not think I can be called Mrs. Osterloh again and I think I may land up being thrown in jail for my verbal abuse. As I said I need to control my temper.



So there was Mathew watching the soccer on the flat screen TV very proud of his purchase and HEY PRESTO ….. Nothing. Shame man he had to go and watch in my bedroom.



So while we were driving an already upset and annoyed Mathew contacted me on Mixit, a chat function on cell phones and asked me where the hardace tiblits were. I read the message and read it again, and before I could reply he added, “And thank you for the MILK!” hmmmmm not a happy chappy, Headache Tablets; that I worked out, realizing that he now had a headache and could not make himself coffee, I felt really bad. I told him where to find the pills but he could not find them anywhere. Our house keeper is wonderful but she has this wonderful habit of hiding stuff and we search for hours looking for the item only to give up and ask her when she next comes in. I arrange for one of Bern’s work colleague to have some pills waiting for Mathew as I know he never takes pills unless he is really not well. By now this mother is in a panic and feels so bad, I even ask Bern's work colleague to give him some money so he can buy milk. I am a bad mother; I need to work on this. I have to admit because my milk intake is less because of new eating plan, I completely forgot to check the amount of milk we had; and my poor little boy was at home with no pills for his throbbing head and I had not got milk so I was really sad at my mothering skills!



I finally calm down, have a giggle at the TV blowing up experience, am relieved that matt is sorted and look forward to another 5 and ½ hour’s drive at night to my girls. It took some time for my breathing to return to normal. We listened to the scores of the Bafana Bafana game against Mexico and were pleased that we drew but would have been happier if we won.



About 45 minutes from Sarah and Cait’s place I receive a message from Sarah, “How close are you” so I tell her to which she responds.

“I am going to sleep”



Well I looked at the message twice. We are 45 minutes away and you are going to sleep. Bern and I could not believe this. I respond “Janey we gonna be there in 45 minutes surely you can stay awake that long?”



No response. Oh well she must have run out of air time I think to myself. We arrive at her place and phone her…………….no reply………… try again…………. Still no reply. Now we have driven 6 hours to see them and have no way to get in or place to stay.



“Hello, Anne, I know it’s nearly midnight and we did not ask you to stay with you, but ummmm, please can we stay with you?” Somehow that phone call was one I was not prepared to make at that time of the night.

Ring, ring, finally the guards let us in and Sarah stumbles onto her balcony of her steps, asleep on her feet. She asks if we phoned her. “Did we phone you? Did we phone You? “I reply.



She mumbles, “Oh I heard it ring and turned it to silent!” How to make your moms feel real welcome.



We stumbled up three flights of stairs into her flat, and there was Cait passed out on the couch. No chance of waking her, she did not even budge. They had gone to News Café to watch the soccer and a party pursued and they had great fun and my Sarah……………… well I will leave that to tell whomever she wants to tell. Giggle, ask her what drinks she had, there is a new one called merrygold drink!



Bern and I  witnessed the most heartwarming sight on the way back to Durban. We stopped for fuel and when we left in the petrol drive way, these Argentinean tourists were playing soccer with the petrol attendants. I was actually proud of our country at the moment. Such togetherness.



I had to giggle though in the Wimpy where we were getting coffee for the road these American visitors went up to the counter and asked for “5 burgers and fries please?” The lady behind the counter went

“HUH? Esssscusie?” Bern witnessed this and smiled and told the lady behind the counter that the gentlemen want 5 Cheese Burgers and Chips. Accents and different names for products will be an education or our service providers.



I started chatting to them and they were on their way to the Soccer in Durban and felt sure they would get to the game on time. They had to be at the designated parking 4 hours before kickoff and they still had two hours driving to do and we estimated they would arrive in Durban by 18h30. There was no ways they would make the game. The American tourist smiled and said “Don’t worry, I am in a friend’s car and when he receives the fines I will be back in America!” So much for brotherly love?



I do not believe it’s my imagination, I can feel the difference in the people, and we are all filled with this bond and togetherness. I hope it does not fade like it did after the Rugby World Cup. I mean when I am given the finger by a driver he now does it with a big Grin; not a scowl so I suppose that’s progress. The Taxi drivers are still terrible but they have the flags on their vehicles and are blowing their Vuvuzella and they seem quite happy driving on the pavements to get the people to the games. I call DANGER TIME but even I Grin when I hoot at them and try to dodge them as they slide back into the traffic.



This is a time of growth and a time to learn from each other and my wish is that the people of South Africa take heed of their good feelings and carry on with this feeling of joy and anticipation of better things to come. Let’s be like the Argentinean Tourists and take the advantage to play and have fun.

The Joy of Moms

During my time waiting for my telephone line and Internet connection we had the pleasure of Bern’s mom staying with us for 20 days. June Brooks is the BEST!

I cannot express the joy it was to have her with us. What a lady of deep conviction and faith. I would make sure when she was dressed and ready to face the day that her breakfast was ready and her coffee waiting and her day’s viewing was all ready planned.



It was our intention to make her stay as wonderful as possible so she might decide never to return to Johannesburg. Well as fate may have it she had a death in her family and she had to leave for East London and my heart broke for her loss.



During this time, mom would watch Television and I would be working with the Television in the back ground and she would doze off and miss the climax of the story and wake up a few minutes later totally lost. I would then fill her in with what I had managed to listen to and work out. I now get phone calls asking me if I watched House as she missed the plot and needs me to explain it. I have to tell you, my love for this wonderful person is great. Her gentle nature and keen observation of life is a wealth is knowledge I only hope to obtain one day.



Sweet, serene and faces her fears head on. Even though she is scared to be alone she flew off to East London with a prayer and a belief that she is not in the driving seat of her life and has resigned herself to the knowledge that all will be well in the end. I envy this faith and wonder if I will ever reach that type of strength where I eventually let go of my fears and stress and just hand it over to the higher powers. I would love to achieve this because right now, I ask for help and hand it over, only to take it back and say, “listen let me do this, you are taking too long;” and then not understand why things are not going as well as planned.



I am sure we have all done this. Reached a point when we are so desperate for divine intervention and sound like whining children begging for help, money, illness, jobless, or just plain depressed beyond wanting get up out of bed. So we pray and wail and carry on like spoilt children and hand it over, only to take the problem back and try to fix it ourselves and make a real mess of things. When things just seem that they are hopeless, a window opens and without us even realizing it, there is that light at the end of the tunnel. In my case, sometimes it’s a train coming towards me in the tunnel as I am so desperate for controlling my life; I more often than not do not see the trees for the forest. Something I am working on and need to overcome this soon or I will work myself into a hospital bed.



Now mom was such good company and was telling me about her life after her husband passed away with Bernadette as her responsibility. Now we going back a few years when woman were not treated fairly in the work place and sexual harassment was par for the course. Things have improved now days but we still have a long way to go. Well she worked for this lawyer man, would not describe him as a gentleman as he perused her and harassed her and this poor innocent not worldly person just had to hope he would back off. Her solution was to pray about it and ignore it. Shew my blood boils and I would love to get hold of him and smack him one. Money and power, they think it gives them the right to do whatever they want. ….okay I am getting a bit het up. Well it seems her faith paid off as he did finally get the message and left her alone. This is the strength I am talking about. She had no one she could turn too, needed the job but never once lost her dignity or sight of her faith. Such strength and such power.



We became very close during this time and I shared a few things with her and she did however throw a real curve ball at me.



Now Bern and I are partners, and mom for years had always introduced me as Bern’s friend. I accepted this and have never let it interfere with our relationship as everyone is entitled to their life beliefs. Well we were watching Oprah ….. Not a favourite of mine as I cry too much. Any way it was about Rosie O Donnel and her life partner. They both have children and they were discussing how they coped with it.



Mom turned around to me and said. “That is like you and Bernadette, isn’t it. Life partners but only you brought the children into it.” I sat at my key board stunned and overwhelmed. Quite a big declaration from mom, and I just turned around and said, “Yes mom, we are life partners and Bern is my children’s mom too.” And then I started to shake. In relief and fear. Relief for the acceptance which had finally happened and fear of more questions. I have this blunt need to be honest when I am asked questions and this was definitely not one of the best times to be blunt.



In my mind I was so hoping she would not ask me questions I would not be able to answer as I have been asked quite a few difficult ones in my time since Bern and I became partners - as I am sure you can imagine from just about everyone. But thank the stars she just smiled. Accepted my answer and later said that she was so glad that Bern and I are together and that we are there for each other.



That was a good day for me! We shared many a giggle. Now mom has Parkinson’s and is on medication that causes flatulence. And when she has a coughing fit, all hell breaks loose. She gets so embarrassed and she has also lost her sense of smell so she really worries about these sudden escapes.



She turned to me one day and asked if when I have a coughing fit do I also cough from both ends?. Well that was me flat on the floor, it was not a coughing fit I was having it was a laughing fit where your stomach muscles scream for release. She saw the humour and we sat there crying tears or laughter and desperate for air as we launched into giggle fits. I haven’t laughed like that in months. Such innocent laughter and mom has no problem laughing at herself or even sharing her latest self giggle. My kind of person. I love laughter and positivity and she oozes both.



We both became quite addicted to SPCA rescue stories and would sit and cry as we watched them and could not wait to see how well the animals were doing once rescued. But our favourite is the dog whisperer. I must say I have learnt a lot from him and now Jinx no longer bites my BUTT. Such simple truths he tells us, if only I had known this before she and Beast broke my side table. However one thing this series has done to me is instill a sense of guilt for not walking my dogs. Now the fear of being mugged (quite a reasonable fear in South Africa) has stopped me from doing this; but I am facing my fears one day at a time and am now walking the two dogs in the evening. Fiona, my white German shepherd and Little Boy. I walk him and Bern walks Fiona. Little boy gets tired and I land up dragging him! Then give him a few minutes breather and off he trots again all excited. We only walk to the corner Spar which is four or five blocks. I thought Jack Russell’s were bundles of energy. Not this boy, he is a newspaper and feet up on the coffee table kind of dog. But he is enjoying it, tail up and very proud. He walks in front of me next to Fiona and I am trying to get him to heel, but other than that a pleasure and I am finally getting some exercise. Jinx is scared of the road, I think because she was a street rescue dog, Christine my friend rescued her. So I will take the time to get her comfortable with a leash. But it will be confident like the Dog Whisperer taught me. Lol.



This time out of communication has been a learning experience and I have had the opportunity to get to know Bern’s mom on another level. Not just a visit or a night over while visiting the children, and I miss her every day and we now send sms, which I love as she struggles with smsing but is determined to communicate. She says technology will not defeat her. When I grow up (if that is at all possible for a 5 ft 2 inch person at the good old age of 46) I want her inner peace and strength.



Mom is the head of the family not because of her seniority or because she is the mom and gran, but because she automatically calms everyone down and we are drawn to her for her wisdom and love. Something we should aspire to be, a calming and healing inspiration for our families. I certainly need to take a page from her book, and Let Go and Let God!

New additions to my Animal Zoo

This was written while I was off oline so its an update!

25th March, Happy Mother’s Day Kitty

Kitty produced 6 kittens and 5 survived. It is now the 27th of May and they are ready to leave the nest but….

Well we found a home for one of them. Moley and my heart is breaking at taking the two we did not want to keep to a pet shop or advertise them, but I am working on Bern to keep them.



Kitty went through the birth thing with no problems and we only knew she was in labour because she went to jinx for a back nibble. She lay there for an hour while jinx did the de-fleeing action. No they do not have fleas!!! Then she lay on the bed and kept on stretching with each contraction. But was quite calm.

3.00am we heard these tiny squeaks and there were two babies. So tiny and cute. Why is it that my animals choose 3.00am for this miracle of nature? I mean not during waking hours no that would be too easy. So we did the check if she was okay and she was happy not to be disturbed so we dozed on and off during the night. I did have to revive one, but was not so lucky with the second ginger boy. Tabby pulled through and I have to admit she has stolen my heart and she is not one of the ones we agreed to keep.



Bern lost her kitten when we arrived in Durban, the monkeys in Water Fall area got hold of her and we were shattered. Now Kitty produced an almost identical one and yes she is also called Angel. Mathew asked if he could have his own kitten and of course I said yes so he fell in love with MOFO. A really pretty girl, with half black face and ginger on the other side...

I have been with these demons in disguise since their birth except for the Easter break. I look like a puzzle with a difference with all the scratches and they are so cute and full of energy.

I have taken so many pictures you would think they are my grandchildren. The situations they get themselves into. Entertainment has never been this cheap and Jinx loves them all and plays with them. Little Boy not so keen to start off but even he is warming up to them. Madam Fiona is the Alpha female and she has no idea what to do with these babies.



When they were big enough to be given the run of the room she moved outside for a few nights. This shattered me as I do not like animals outside during the night because of the crime wave of poisoning dogs. So I did not sleep well those nights. Fiona has finally resigned herself to these live wires who are up the curtain, in the drawers, under the bed, running over her. Using her has a step when they leap off the bed. Yes its fun and games.

I have been looking for a TV series called Cat Whisperer as Dog Whispers has helped me clam Jinx down, but there is no such thing yet. Right know I am known as the Cat Screecher as they really LOVE me. Claws and all.



I think it’s quite clear that I am in awe of these bundles of joy and their games and antics and they are so demon cute and love attention and oh my heart melts, until I climb into the bath and feel the next scratches, then no so much.



Let me tell you about these wonderful additions.

Angel- the leader of the pack. Otherwise known as Angelina Jolie (does not take a genius to work out why that name was chosen – no she not adopting other cats yet)

She is tortoise shell and really is the terror of the group. The instigator and leader of the little terrors.



Imagine her with her Treasure hunter outfit on and knives at the ready and this acrobatic way of doing back flips and flying through the air onto your legs as you walk past and you may be getting the picture. She dive bombs me, Jinx, Little Boy, and Bern at every opportunity. She is the one on top of the curtain and she is the one under the chest of drawers where you cannot see her and you are by this stage convinced she has escaped out the house and been CatNapped.

Last week I could not find her. I called and called and looked everywhere, realized the bedroom windows were closed but she had disappeared into thin air. My headache sprung up for the depths of my soul and my heart dropped as I was going to have to tell Bern that her kitten had gone. Which I duly did and of course Bern was in a state as she was in Richards bay on Business!!!!. I looked in the lounge, all the rooms and the little madam waltzed out the bedroom. I had searched it!!!.

Well two days later I could not find any of them at all. I swore this room had a Narnai Cupboard where they vanished into thin air. Then Moley appeared behind my back and I realized she must have been hiding under the chest of drawers in the space the drawer leaves between the floor and the brackets. Sure enough, I pulled the drawer out and there was four bodies curled up like noodles all intertwined with each other.

I was not impressed I can tell you. My heart cannot take these sudden vanishing acts. Angel then totally throws you a curve ball after destroying your book you reading, shredding the toilet paper, she curls up on your lap and purrs. Talk about melting my heart. I am such a sucker for cute!!

Next we have Tabby – initially Queen Latifa because she was a little High and Mighty, but now she is Cameron Diaz. She is cute with her stripped pajamas and the clown of the group. Very loving, always in the wrestling match and ready to dance the attack dance any time. She is truly pretty and as I said she has stolen my heart because she needed to be revived and well need I say more. She is Angel’s shadow and they have very similar facial features but a full stripped pajama suit. She has this cute smile plastered on her face with the curve of her smile and you can almost see her giggle with excitement as she attacks you as you walk past. She loves doing the stand up and shadow box dance. So Tabby is one of the Charlie Angles. But in this Case Angle’s angel. They are always in the thick of the mischief. Tabby loves to sleep after the rough and tumble right next to me curdled up in the crook of my arm and if I move, I get zapped for my efforts.

Moley is the second one of Angle’s Angels otherwise known as Drew Barrymore. Clumsy and cute and adorable and up for a cuddle anytime.

Well when Moley was born she was not pretty. She has this surprised look on her face with an arch colour on her nose. Which gives her a look of “OH MY” and her nose seemed longer so she reminded me of a Mole with the long nose and such tiny eyes She also has this perfect spot on her lip which makes her look like she has a beauty spot. Fortunately she had grown into her nose and is actually an extremely beautiful kitten and is the People Cat of the Year. She wants to be with people above all else. Even if it’s just to bite them, shred them, lick them or just love them. Where you are, she is and she loves to bite my wool while knitting which drives Bern crazy with the chewing the of the wool noise. Such a loving kitten and yes she loves to taunt little boy as he does not like being cuddled up to when he is sleeping so if I am not available she curls up right next to him. Growls emit from both of them. Quite cute.

Moley has found a home with three delightful children and a wonderful Mommy and Daddy and she will be treasured. I just hope they are ready for her onslaught as baby Ivy will be a little more battle weary after a day of catches with Moley.

MOFO – now you need to work out her name. Mofo is the third Charlie’s Angel, Lucy Lui and she is sleek and nimble on her feet and cheeky as hell. She loves water and can be seen swatting the water bowl.

She has a two tone face pitch black on side and ginger the other side. Mofo is an acrobat supreme. Her favourite gym is …me. I have the scars to prove it. She is the only one who meows, well its more like a pitiful squeak. And oh she is so cute. She belongs to Mat but we belong to her. She is a tortoise shell cat and so naughty and into everything. Unlike Tabby and angel she is not much of a lover but an explorer.



The other day she decided to climb up one of my paintings which I have not put up yet for lack of nails or screws and lack of motivation to actually do any manual labour. She sat there all perched on the very top and it’s about my height as its standing with its width being the highest point. Now I need to tell you this is one of my favorite works of art. Very abstract and painted in a time of conflict so it does tell a personal story and there she climbed up it and sat on top of it like lady muck on toast. Oh so regal and proud of her achievement and the others saw her dangerous climb to being the first to climb mount chaos and they followed very quickly. I now have art work with little claw marks in. Oh my poor aching heart.



When I painted it; it was done with such energy and feeling and it even has the imprint on my hair on as I had to carry this large painting outside to dry and the wind tipped it (blew it onto my head….great fun removing the paint) onto my head…splat. Well I do have these moments - don’t I?



Nothing is normal in my life. Not even my animals or seems like my hobbies. Well it is a roller coaster that I am sure will bring more challenges along the way.

The last one is Ginger boy Boswell of the Charlie Angel series..And he is a soft (most of the time) adorable ginger bundle with a white shield on his chest. One long whit sock on his back leg and short bobby socks on the other three. The stripes on his legs are so pronounced and what a beauty. Being the only boy you would think he would rule the roost. Not a chance. Mofo is his best friend but Angel is the leader of the group…..no doubt of that what so ever.



Ginger loves to play and cuddle and he is Kitty’s favourite child. She gets really upset if she cannot find him. When the kittens were two weeks old, Kitty went on a walk about and I was in a panic had visions of me having to find tiny bottles to feed these babies and of course she went missing at night.



We had Val and Bern’s mom over at the time and I worked myself into such a panic. It seems like a permanent state of affairs for me right now. Panic, followed by hysteria followed by more panic and then total collapse because it seems my colon has decided when I panic it needs to go into a Dance called “Lets cripple Michelle”…not a song I enjoy I can tell you.



So there I was doubled over (Drama queen of note- that’s me) calling this mother to come to her babies who are still very young and need her and they only opened their eyes a week and a half ago and this was just not good.



Eventually Bern and Val were looking too. I checked the street, checked the garden and then went for a walk down the street calling Kitty, not so nice in this country to be on the road with all the possible crime!



Well we heard cats waling and Miss Muffet was next door challenging a black cat, I assume a male as she decided his garden was too close to her territory and she just ignored our attempts to get her home.



Kitty chose her favourite kitten and this is Ginger boy. The others she loves but Ginger boy is her absolute love as he is the runt of the litter. Typical mom, she loved them right off the teats. Squeals of panic from the babies. But she is such a good mom.



Now when the kittens were born, Kitty was not so well two days later and we rushed her to the vet and she had a fever and a slight infection from the process of giving birth. So R1000 later for that visit we are told to come back the next day and bring her babies as she may need to be in the hospital for the day. This happened just before Easter and we were planning to leave to visit the girls. So the timing was rotten. She had been given a drip and was pumped full of antibiotics and vitamins.



I took her home and fed her; her R39.00 small tin of cat food for her recovery in small tea spoons. Let’s face it two full table spoons and the baby tin would have been empty; and I figured if I gave her little amounts it would stay down.



Well Kitty had recovered enough to eat and she was fed like a queen off the teaspoon until she felt she wanted more. Expensive tastes this CAT has. I have never spent R39.00 on a 100g tin of anything. So she progressed through the evening, I fed her chicken and did gave her; her pills. Thank goodness these were crushed into the food. Have you ever tried to give a cat a pill? They become octopus’ and grow extra legs which claw and rip and shred you as you try to hold them by the back of their neck to place the pill ever so gently in their mouth.

Common I dare you to try it. I received an email years ago about giving a cat a pill. Now I do not remember it all but I sure can relate. I have added my own bits from my memory and taken the liberty to change it

1. Step on find the Cat and Gently hold the cat and place the pill on its mouth.

2. Look for bandage for your now severed finger and pick up the spat out pill of the bed where you were sitting with your little angel.

3. Take another pill and make a mental note that you will need to go an buy another pill to replace the now contaminated one

4. Grab a towel to wrap the cat in – gently but with patience, ply the jaws open with the undamaged had and push pill down to the back of the throat.

5. Get into the car rush to the emergency room to have you arm and face stitched as the cat managed against all odds to claw its way out the towel you had wrapped so tightly; and take its frustrations out on you.

6. Pay the emergency centre - now you need to get an over draft to pay for the vet bill and your emergency visit

7. Go home, throw away discarded contaminated pill. Decide that you will have to ask for two months supply of pills just to get one down the “Sweet” cat’s throat.

8. Retrieve the cat off the Curtain rail and try to calm it down. Its tail is the size of one of those fancy duster rolls, her eyes are mad with annoyance and you know she is not going to come down easy.

9. Call for back up – ask you partner to help you get the cat off the curtain rail.

10. Make note to get the handy man in to repair the now off the wall curtain rail, and go and look for new curtains which you paid R1000 for as they were especially designed for your décor in your room.

11. Your partner manages to bring kitty off the curtain rail which is now hanging sideways. Not the new décor you wanted for your room.

12. Take kitty into bathroom, you are now bleeding on your arms and the bandages have been ripped off.

13. You look at the bath with an evil gleam in your eyes, tempted to drown her but you remember that you love kitty and she is sick. You grab the oven gloves and the heavy duty towel and hold her while your partner tries to ply the cat’s mouth open.

14. Finally tablet in the cats mouth, you hold her mouth closed, hoping she will swallow – wait a few seconds, let her go and plop out comes the pill.

15. You take cat to vet, tell her to do it and give you a discount for your efforts in sympathy.

16. Vet laughs, grabs a syringe, and cuts the top off. Feeds the pill into the syringe – puts the plunger back in, pushes pill to the now cut “needle section”, opens kitty’s mouth, inserts the syringe and hey presto pill in the throat too deep to spit out.

17. You kill vet and land up in jail as she could have shown you that trick earlier. Kitty now looking for new home while you are in prison for a crime of passion!

Ok back to Kitty going on a walk about and me having visions of finding eye droppers to feed 5 babies in the middle of the night. We finally found her next door and she totally ignored our calls for her to come home. In fact the torch being shone on her only made her glare at us. Well Bern thought this had gone on for long enough because her babes were alone and she needed to be responsible so she went inside and grabbed Ginger Boy. Now every time I pick up Ginger boy she reacts and meows at me and at the vet she even tried to burrow into the cats carrier because the vet checked Ginger boy out because he was so small and put him back for safe keeping in the carrier. Kitty who was ill and had a fever and was not the happiest cat tried to burrow right through the cat carrier to get to him as he was squealing.

So Bern took Ginger boy out to call his mommy. Now he is a really screamer but this time he decided to be quiet. So Bern called kitty and told her; her baby needed her. The reaction she got was ... nothing; she did not even bat an eye lid. So Bern…… poked the kitten “gently” and Ginger boy opened his lungs and screamed. That did the trick, Kitty jolted into action she gave the offender one last glance and then jumped over the wall in two strides and then she opened up her lungs and gave Bern a real piece of her mind.

That was the last time she left them so young for more than a quick garden break and a quick stretch!

The fun and games continue and I will keep you updated as I know I am their target for fun and games.

MOLEY

TABBY

 MOFO AND GINGER BOY

ANGEL

We really live in the Technical Age - try surviving without the Internet Since April!

Well I have been without Internet since the 26th March - Great fun - the joys of having Telkom as your service provider – NOT - it is now the 27th May 2010- oh the joys and wait until the soccer fan arrivals I am sure the telephone lines and cell lines will be flooded and over run.

In between trying to be effective in my job without a telephone and internet - I re-wrote my children’s book from 1997 now that was a trip down memory lane for me. The mother side of me took over while I was writing it and that is a story all on its own.


Me in 1997!!!!

The idea was born of my need to keep communications open with them while they were staying with their father in Cape Town. The reasons for this is a long and rather tragic story and as I am not into tragedy and woe is me, suffice to say it was a tough time and I was determined to bring them back to me. Took time to get the funds and home set up, but obviously succeeded as they were returned to me.











I may even put the book on the blog or set up a new blog! Who knows where my life is destined to end up.

Now back to the book. Sarah was 10; Mat 8 and Cait was 6. Not a great age for communication. The phone calls went something like this
“So how are you my Mat; Sarah; Cait?”
“Fine, how are you?”
“How was school?”
“Fine”
“What you doing?”
“Nothing” and so on and so forth. Yes there were bits of information shared but it was like pulling teeth and very frustrating and heart sore for me. Being away from them was like no pain I can ever describe or would want anyone to experience. Ever!

Now before they left we had the bed time stories which I have mentioned in previous blogs and had many outing to the parks and roller bladed, and now this non communication - not nice and heart shattering - Cape Town as you know is far from Johannesburg and their dad was working there. One day one day I will go into how this happened but suffice to say he realized that a mother will protect her children at all costs.

I realized I need to break through the communication gap and started a story with them as the stars in the book. I would send them short chapters with a cliff hanger and wait for them to send me a “Call Me” this worked wonders. I would get a call and their first question would be.

“What happened to Jasmine the Egyptian Princess?” or “Wow mom I turned into a Ninja and saved Sarah from being eaten by the cannibals.” We finally had lift off in our communications. This was our project and I pulled in their friends and cousins into the story and kept our life in Johannesburg alive with these memories and sent them in the story all over the world on all sorts of adventures and they had big challenges to overcome - Because ultimately the fate of the world rested on their shoulders.

Now to make them aware of how much I missed them and believed in them I would have guest appearances either as a “Vision” (blush. Giggle and smile, I would never describe myself as a vision) or there would be times when I would appear in life for them when a really tough challenge was faced. Keep in mind that children live in fantasy worlds most of the time at this age and I so wanted to instill a sense that I had not abandoned them even though I was not present in their lives in Cape Town.

This book was one of treasure, adventure, cannibals, tornadoes, fires, earthquakes and monsoons to mention a few. It took six months to write and then I had my children back. Miracles of miracles.

Well my girls have been asking me to re-write it and try and get it published (once again blush – smile – sigh – hmmmm I am no literary expert but who knows) the problem with this was when I wrote it we used these discs for saving and it took 10 discs and through many moves and discs being corrupted, the task became a really big one.

I had to re-type the whole thing! Well 14 chapters morphed into 18 as I re-typed it, splitting long chapters or having to add where pages were missing. Or just give better descriptions. I must say as I typed I was impressed with how my thoughts worked and the research I did. Gosh I had no idea I had it in me. So I typed and remembered. I needed a tissue box on the desk I have to admit as the memories were powerful. But my tears were more for the challenges they faced without me there in the story – pretty much as I knew their lives were in Cape Town. I tried to instill a belief in themselves, family bond, confidence and most of all how much I believed in them and loved them.

So now 13 years later, kids grown up, working and have lives of their own - I re-type the book - a trip down memory lane that stirred so many buried hurts and resentments. I was slightly over whelmed. Wow I was mesmerized and so into the story. Not to give too much of the story away. They do get hurt and have very close encounters. And horrors or horrors I am busy writing the volcanoes story and what happens, planes are grounded coz of the volcano ash herein Iceland - current time. I phoned Bern and commented that I somehow had influenced nature and became quite panicked. When I was writing the book 13 years ago I wrote about bush fires and low and behold bad bush fires happened in Australia.

Well Bern was not so convinced and told me “Shell you are not so powerful!” and laughed at me. But I was not taking chances after that. Whenever they children were in a situation I would sms them and tell them to beware of certain things. For example. I told Caity to make sure she was bundled up warm and had a winter jacket and stayed away from Black Ice and holes in the ice and to be prepared! (I sat and typed the episode, crying like a baby, you know those gut wrenching tears. Wailing like a woman gone mad because my baby was in danger and was sick and in ICU….. I am clearly not well.)

Caity thought I had gone mad. Winter had not hit Johannesburg yet and she was wearing short sleeved shirts and Black Ice in Johannesburg was never going to happen. Her response to me was

“Mom, you are weird!” Well so much for compassion and all that. That weekend I get a phone call and Cait tells me she is dressed warmly, not going near any snow, ice, frozen areas other than maybe a frozen food section or an ice-cream. Such respect!!!! Oh dear, poor me


Sarah got a few sms’s where I told her to be careful and stay away from fire or volcanoes. She just laughed at me and told me to be real. Mathew, who lives with me, just shook his head at my tears and told me to grow up. When he left in the mornings I would tell him to be careful and that I loved him and believed in him. A bit tiresome for a 20 year old to hear - I am sure from his emotionally unstable mom.

One section was quite bad. They had just been a helicopter crash into water from the dam that had broken its banks. And the water was infected with everything and it was terrible!!!!!
Excerpts from book

“Caitlin was rushed to the trauma ward to stitch her arm and give her tetanus injections and pump her body full of antibiotics to fight off infection.
Sarah was being taken to another x-ray room to see if she had broken any ribs and to make sure none of these had punctured her lungs as this is what they were most scared of.
Mathew was having his knee stitched and a brace was put on it has he had torn his knee ligaments and they were fragile. “

I tell you Doctor House would have been proud of my knowledge of bacteria 13 years ago. I could teach him a thing or two. The infection ravaging their tiny bodies. Oh I cried as I wrote this and poor Bern had me smsing her asking her to make sure the girls were all right and to tell them to stay away from Helicopters and water. Needless to say, everyone thought I had lost my mind. And they refused to stay away from water – that would have been interesting - no bathing for a week until I had finished the chapter LOL. Yes I agree I am a little insane and am a little obsessive about my children. Yes only a little and no comments from my girls. Every time we watched Brothers and Sisters they would tell me I was like Sally Field “Nora”. I am so not obsessive…… I just worry and care and love them and stress about them.. Show me a mother who does not. My revenge will be when they are parents, and then they will know the absolute anguish of worrying about your children and loving them so much and having to let them go and make their life choices. Karma is good!!!!
So while I was typing the story with broken bones, comas and being hunted by man and beast, I admit I was a little bit unstable and neurotic. My girls never received so many sms’s about being careful in their lives. I am still not convinced that my thoughts cannot influence the world. I have just finished the new Dan Brown book and the theory is that thoughts do become “Matter” and can change the course of history so I was not taking chances and prayed for my children and protected them with good thoughts all the time! …Don’t underestimate the power of thought.

I sat here at my desk and became this blithering idiot crying into the key board and was overwhelmed with guilt that I had put them in such danger! I mean really Michelle this is a story, get a grip on reality.

Well I have a problem with getting involved with books and movies. No horrors for me as I dream them live them and cannot shake them. Then add to it that I unintentionally ruin it for everyone else by predicting the outcome or bad guy in a movie or a book. This is always a guess. So I have to stop that now, because I ruined the Mentalist last night and Shutter Island. Next time I will write it down and give it to Bern and she can check when it’s over. In my opinion this can be frustrating for the viewer when people talk or comment during a movie or series. I must learn to shut up.

So whether my book gets published or not, the reason I did it was so I can get four leather bound copies and my children can read it to their children and remember their quirks and sayings and child hood. I have a bit of stage fright right now and the thing is sitting in my cupboard waiting for inspiration.

So let’s hope I finally find the courage. I have not even sent it to my girls for a quick read because I lack the courage. Is that not silly, me who has faced death is scared of their opinion of a story I wrote for them.

There is no explaining me. I am who I am and as my friend says too often actually. IT IS WHAT IT IS.