I do love animals, in fact I am a real sucker for their cute antics and the way they just melt your heart.
The new additions are amazing and I am truly loving them and the attention they give me…but…….. There are those days.
About two weeks ago, while I was sitting at my desk here Angel decided she needed to climb on the head rest of the chair. This was all fine and Dandy until she decided I must have hidden treasure in my hair. Well she climbed right in and tunneled and burrowed and foraged. This was an experience I am sure not many of you can relate too. She not only burrowed she decided she needed to become my hat. She sat on my head, claws deeply inserted into my head and sat there. Petering on top of my head like lady muck on toast; I sat there, grabbed the camera before my face was covered with the rivers of blood that I was sure was to follow and snapped away. The smile was a forced one I have to tell you and have edited it out. Too horrible for humans viewing. That expression on my face could have been used to force the plagues away when they hit our ancestors all those millenniums ago. I even jumped back in fright at the sight of it.
Now sit back and revel in the fact that your lives are wonderful and full of butterflies and rainbows and soft candy floss and mine is filled with Unfortunate Mishaps which I seem to instigate or am most definitely a magnet for. You know that saying There But for the Grace of God go I…. well you can use this saying today as I am sure you do not want to swap places.
Ok here goes.
This Break, call it Communications Blackout was not just been waiting for Telkom and now Neotel too clearly I need this time to reflect on my sins, it has been filled with work crisis and normal stressful situations that a telephone would have been of assistance or being able to look up a proof of delivery or do a quote would have made me feel a little bit more effectual.
The time has also been filled with giggles and shared embarrassment.
Last year my cell phone broke during my fall at work. (This one is still not fixed and I now have to use ear phones to answer the phone.) Well I was sent a replacement and Bern in one of her moments of madness snuck a quick cleavage shot. Only the cleavage and that was the last I thought of it. All decked out in sleeper shirt with this v neck. Click, shot done, and that was my last thought of it. Until I sent the phone back to the head office for repairs as I think my cleavage must have broken the phone because it just would not switch on and froze and was a damn nightmare.
Bern, our friend Val and I were sitting at Balito after dropping my Friend Shane at the airport and we were talking about phones and I was taking a picture of the view from the restaurant we were sitting at having a cold drink and a light lunch, when Bern suddenly got this expression on her face - One of sheer mischief and horror. I looked at her and asked her what on earth was wrong, and enquired if she needed me to find out where the “ladies” were.
She looked at me and said words you do not want to hear, unless you are Paris Hilton or Britney or That Kendra girl from Play Boy Mansion…… “Shell that phone you sent back? Well it has the photo of your cleavage shot on!”
Now this comment was followed by silence as I could only imagine my boss getting the stupid thing to work and knowing him he would browse and look and see and play with the damn phone!!!! My hope is the phone needs to be trashed because believe me my cleavage is not something worth seeing unless you like old!!!! But I can just see him putting it on our web page or some other embarrassing thing.
I sat there horrified and was unable to carry on with light conversation. In fact when the shock passed I used very un-lady like language and berated Bern for not deleting it. I mean it’s just my V Neck, no face not name tags to show it was me. But it’s the principle, it’s my cleavage!!! And now my boss has seen it.
So I phone my big boss; my female boss and ask her if she can retrieve the phone, take it for upgrade or whatever and delete pictures etc, because once it froze there was no ways we could get into the gallery.
Well she started to laugh and then she laughed some more and asked me if I remember sending my computer in for repairs in June. I said yes, and I asked her if she was referring to my Skype with Bern.
She was silent ; then asked how I knew what she was talking about so I said. Well when my computer came back, I saw that my history was still on Skype and was sure Erich had read it.
She said he somehow managed to get the computer to switch on, and for the life of me, why he thought Skype was in any was responsible for the thing just switching off is beyond me. Well he got an education like one he wished he had never had in his life. Now, now it as not heavy as in should be banned, well maybe a little, but it was suggestive and naughty enough and things were suggested for the weekend and oh well use your own imagination……
Needless to say, I was horrified that my fear of him reading my Skype were in fact true and that now this GM knew more about me than I would have liked. Most definitely not something one sits down and shares with ones boss and not something you would ever want your boss to know.
The way it was described to me by my female boss goes as follows:
“He was sitting at his desk and the next thing he shot out of his chair pushed his chair away and said “OH MY G” and stood up in front of the screen and covered is eyes and said “OH MY G” once again, and started to push buttons to close the programme. He stood there red faced and refused to say what he had read. Only that it was personal stuff on Grav’s computer followed by more “OH MY G’s. “
Well by the time my MD had finished sharing this with me; I was hysterical with laughter, embarrassment and also had a fit of a few “OF MY G” of my own. Now this fits into that category of “F MY LIFE” and this only happens to me - Can only happen to me, I mean really people, I am a disaster waiting to happen. If there is a moment out there waiting for total humiliation, it is waiting for me. If there is a queue that will be moving fast and quick it will stop when I join it. Or medication that only affects one in every 100 thousand people; I will be that 1 person. I mean if it’s guaranteed not to break I will be the one who defies that rule, so it only stands to reason that of course my Skype was read by my boss.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I told Bern she was mortified and also thought it was very funny but she would, this is not her boss its mine. And chances are she can wing it so she never has to see him again, but not me I have to see him eventually and I speak to him on a regular basis. I keep wanting to hint at the Skype or ask him if he has read anything good lately but my courage fails me and I rush through the call just to prevent me making an even bigger idiot of myself. So this really fits in well with “F MY LIFE”
I finally calmed down, however on the phone I gave the impression that “OH well SH-T happens" and he should know better than to read my personal Skype it’s not a work Skype address! But my heart was racing, my face was red, my now earlier photographed cleavage was blood red in shock right up to under my chin - My blood pressure out the window. I mean how I am I to have a serious conversation with this man, about budgets and new vehicles and new business when he has read my inner secret needs!!!!
Somehow I think “In my professional Opinion we should follow this course of Action….” (He may even ask me what my profession is!?) ..Is not going to have any effect or come across as being in control and efficient or even able to do the job! No; all he will remember is my Skype and my cleavage photo. Really my heart cannot take much more of my own stupidity. DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!!! NEW MOTTO.
An hour later I sent my Female boss a sms saying “I feel so much closer to (boss name )……. Now” and sent it.
Can you blame me, I have to try and pretend that I am so not fazed by this. Oh yes during this conversation with my female boss; I did tell her about my earlier embarrassing moment when I mistook a call from my client to be my friend and decided to share my personal plans for the weekend. Thank goodness she laughed with me and told me I was weird and actually very funny. She wanted to know how the client reacted and screamed with laughter when I said verbatim “
“I am very happy to hear you got such sensual plans for the weekend, but please tell me where my parcel is?” This was one of those very funny moments. And I have come to realize I am my own worst enemy.
This client and I are on good terms now; I mean after being so open and forthcoming how can I pretend to be a prude now. I did explain to her that I thought she was my very good friend Tash, and she saw the humour, but she still knows I planned to get Lucky that weekend. Her words not mine!!!
So life is full of surprises and funny moments and I seem to be a magnet for them. Good and bad, I seem to have a bull’s eye on my forehead and I am ready for the next challenge.
Oh may the angels protect me from myself but these angels have left my side and I am living proof of this.
Not only have they left me to my own devices they have decided to add a few giggles of their own.
Angel and Tabby Love the bath and teeter on the rim of the bath and watch the water with great fascination. Now don’t get ahead of yourself and try to anticipate the outcome. They say no Good Deed goes unpunished - very true!
Angel was the first little victim to fall in the bath and I rescued her very quickly and grabbed the towel and she was quite happy to be dried and loved and she purred with the pleasure after the near drowning experience. In fact I think she comes back for more. Shame this tiny baby was drenched, only her head was dry but as I say she was no worse for the wear and lives on.
Tabby on the other hand will be the death of me. Last week she decided to do the ballerina style dance on the rim and was doing quite well and I managed to take a two photos as proof that cats do love water. When without warning the dogs rushed out to see who was at the gate and the cats followed but Tabby in her rush to chase fell into the bath. I managed to pull her out and jumped out the bath and gave her a quick dry before she wriggled out of my hands.
So I ran into my bedroom in my “Birthday suit” and was looking for her. I finally found her under one of the chairs I have in the room and bent over to retrieve her. With that my house cleaner slammed by bedroom door shut. I realized in horror and total embarrassment that the dogs had opened my bedroom door as it was not closed tight and my butt and all that goes with that area was in display as I was crouching to find this drowned rat.
It can only happen to me. So I quickly turned and grabbed a shirt that was handing off the chair and tied it around my butt and retrieved kitty – talk about closing the gate after the horse has bolted. It was just me in the room by then, but still I was horrified.
I phoned Bern and said “I feel so much closer to Fikile Now!” Well she was surprised and pleased to hear this but asked me why;
“Well she now knows a little too much about me and my body parts!” and went on to explain what happened. Bern still chortles about this. Not so funny Bern, I now close the door and make sure its closes shut before I go and bath…. And no I do not keep the kittens out the bathroom as they sit at the door and meow and scream to come in.
My little zoo and the joys that go with it- and this is only two of the stories where these kittens have had their revenge on me; there is more to follow.
So now I ask you with tears streaming down my face…. You want my life or is yours not as bad as you thought?
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