It was our intention to make her stay as wonderful as possible so she might decide never to return to Johannesburg. Well as fate may have it she had a death in her family and she had to leave for East London and my heart broke for her loss.
During this time, mom would watch Television and I would be working with the Television in the back ground and she would doze off and miss the climax of the story and wake up a few minutes later totally lost. I would then fill her in with what I had managed to listen to and work out. I now get phone calls asking me if I watched House as she missed the plot and needs me to explain it. I have to tell you, my love for this wonderful person is great. Her gentle nature and keen observation of life is a wealth is knowledge I only hope to obtain one day.
Sweet, serene and faces her fears head on. Even though she is scared to be alone she flew off to East London with a prayer and a belief that she is not in the driving seat of her life and has resigned herself to the knowledge that all will be well in the end. I envy this faith and wonder if I will ever reach that type of strength where I eventually let go of my fears and stress and just hand it over to the higher powers. I would love to achieve this because right now, I ask for help and hand it over, only to take it back and say, “listen let me do this, you are taking too long;” and then not understand why things are not going as well as planned.
I am sure we have all done this. Reached a point when we are so desperate for divine intervention and sound like whining children begging for help, money, illness, jobless, or just plain depressed beyond wanting get up out of bed. So we pray and wail and carry on like spoilt children and hand it over, only to take the problem back and try to fix it ourselves and make a real mess of things. When things just seem that they are hopeless, a window opens and without us even realizing it, there is that light at the end of the tunnel. In my case, sometimes it’s a train coming towards me in the tunnel as I am so desperate for controlling my life; I more often than not do not see the trees for the forest. Something I am working on and need to overcome this soon or I will work myself into a hospital bed.
Now mom was such good company and was telling me about her life after her husband passed away with Bernadette as her responsibility. Now we going back a few years when woman were not treated fairly in the work place and sexual harassment was par for the course. Things have improved now days but we still have a long way to go. Well she worked for this lawyer man, would not describe him as a gentleman as he perused her and harassed her and this poor innocent not worldly person just had to hope he would back off. Her solution was to pray about it and ignore it. Shew my blood boils and I would love to get hold of him and smack him one. Money and power, they think it gives them the right to do whatever they want. ….okay I am getting a bit het up. Well it seems her faith paid off as he did finally get the message and left her alone. This is the strength I am talking about. She had no one she could turn too, needed the job but never once lost her dignity or sight of her faith. Such strength and such power.
We became very close during this time and I shared a few things with her and she did however throw a real curve ball at me.
Now Bern and I are partners, and mom for years had always introduced me as Bern’s friend. I accepted this and have never let it interfere with our relationship as everyone is entitled to their life beliefs. Well we were watching Oprah ….. Not a favourite of mine as I cry too much. Any way it was about Rosie O Donnel and her life partner. They both have children and they were discussing how they coped with it.
Mom turned around to me and said. “That is like you and Bernadette, isn’t it. Life partners but only you brought the children into it.” I sat at my key board stunned and overwhelmed. Quite a big declaration from mom, and I just turned around and said, “Yes mom, we are life partners and Bern is my children’s mom too.” And then I started to shake. In relief and fear. Relief for the acceptance which had finally happened and fear of more questions. I have this blunt need to be honest when I am asked questions and this was definitely not one of the best times to be blunt.
In my mind I was so hoping she would not ask me questions I would not be able to answer as I have been asked quite a few difficult ones in my time since Bern and I became partners - as I am sure you can imagine from just about everyone. But thank the stars she just smiled. Accepted my answer and later said that she was so glad that Bern and I are together and that we are there for each other.
That was a good day for me! We shared many a giggle. Now mom has Parkinson’s and is on medication that causes flatulence. And when she has a coughing fit, all hell breaks loose. She gets so embarrassed and she has also lost her sense of smell so she really worries about these sudden escapes.
She turned to me one day and asked if when I have a coughing fit do I also cough from both ends?. Well that was me flat on the floor, it was not a coughing fit I was having it was a laughing fit where your stomach muscles scream for release. She saw the humour and we sat there crying tears or laughter and desperate for air as we launched into giggle fits. I haven’t laughed like that in months. Such innocent laughter and mom has no problem laughing at herself or even sharing her latest self giggle. My kind of person. I love laughter and positivity and she oozes both.
We both became quite addicted to SPCA rescue stories and would sit and cry as we watched them and could not wait to see how well the animals were doing once rescued. But our favourite is the dog whisperer. I must say I have learnt a lot from him and now Jinx no longer bites my BUTT. Such simple truths he tells us, if only I had known this before she and Beast broke my side table. However one thing this series has done to me is instill a sense of guilt for not walking my dogs. Now the fear of being mugged (quite a reasonable fear in South Africa) has stopped me from doing this; but I am facing my fears one day at a time and am now walking the two dogs in the evening. Fiona, my white German shepherd and Little Boy. I walk him and Bern walks Fiona. Little boy gets tired and I land up dragging him! Then give him a few minutes breather and off he trots again all excited. We only walk to the corner Spar which is four or five blocks. I thought Jack Russell’s were bundles of energy. Not this boy, he is a newspaper and feet up on the coffee table kind of dog. But he is enjoying it, tail up and very proud. He walks in front of me next to Fiona and I am trying to get him to heel, but other than that a pleasure and I am finally getting some exercise. Jinx is scared of the road, I think because she was a street rescue dog, Christine my friend rescued her. So I will take the time to get her comfortable with a leash. But it will be confident like the Dog Whisperer taught me. Lol.
This time out of communication has been a learning experience and I have had the opportunity to get to know Bern’s mom on another level. Not just a visit or a night over while visiting the children, and I miss her every day and we now send sms, which I love as she struggles with smsing but is determined to communicate. She says technology will not defeat her. When I grow up (if that is at all possible for a 5 ft 2 inch person at the good old age of 46) I want her inner peace and strength.
Mom is the head of the family not because of her seniority or because she is the mom and gran, but because she automatically calms everyone down and we are drawn to her for her wisdom and love. Something we should aspire to be, a calming and healing inspiration for our families. I certainly need to take a page from her book, and Let Go and Let God!
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