We left for Johannesburg last Friday for a family reunion. Now I am not good with family functions. Call it stage fright or the fear that someone may just tell me how much weight I have out on and I will be devastated.
Listen people when you see someone after a long time and they have packed on few kgs – do not tell them. Believe me they know – they would already have had to buy a bigger clothes size. In addition, I am sure they have mirrors in their homes that shriek with horror when they stand in front of them. This is not something that happens over night. Only in movies, do people go to bed all thin and skinny and wake up when their bed breaks from the extra weight they have been blessed with.
I mean really just imagine. Off to bed as a size 10, waking up, and not being able to roll out of bed as you have turned into a larger version of yourself. So next time you meet a friend you haven’t seen in years or a family member – get over yourself and take in the larger version of who they are now and just be grateful they are still on this earth and tell them you are so glad to see them. I think the reaction is one of… “oh thank goodness, someone fatter than me has arrived – or “thank goodness I am not the only one who went to bed last night thin and woke up a super sized version of who I used to be…. Trust me, the weight gain is not a surprise to the person you are greeting. They most probably behave in a similar action to how I do before any type of family/friend reunion!
1. Shout out to the world that I really do not want to go
2. Fight with Bern and my kids (Sorry - I will try to be more angelic!)
3. Look at your stretch marks and suddenly blame three pregnancies – forgetting that in between the pregnancies I did manage to regain my figure partly
4. Blame the hysterectomy and storm off in a rage as I reach for another block of chocolate to pacify my already over anxious heart
5. If none of this works, I simply throw all my toys out the cot and refuse to attend the family function and explain it away that I have nothing to wear and I am a big fat beached whale!
Oh, the pressure I put myself under when attending a function. Not only family functions – but mostly family functions – which is so stupid…. They are family for goodness sakes. Families are supposed to be our safety net and our refuge. I am told by the most sweet and loving members of my family to “just get over myself!”
Now this I have to tell you does not help. I am already in a state of panic and am over sensitive and my reaction is not one of “Oh thank you for clearing that up for me – or thank you for putting me straight “ no my reaction is “That’s it I am cancelling and you can bloody well go on your own!”
Talk about over reacting, I swear if there was an Oscar award for over reacting, I would win it hands down every year.
Now if you think this is over reacting – you need to see me when the family get together is being arranged by me.
If it is at my house – I am sure I am possessed by an insane woman who has a need to clean and to check in cupboards and under beds and even go as far as wiping down the walls and ceilings. Now I know there is a medical explanation, ADD or something or as my Sarah says Mom YOU are O D D.
I was not always like this (that is what I tell myself) but after the horror of horrors 1st mother-in-law - I am particularly sensitive. She would choose to come and visit when I was busy feeding Sarah and Mathew when Sarah was three and Mat was one. Trying to cope with being mom or two, keep the house clean, and cope with two hours sleep while the ever so helpful hubby was out playing sports, working, or visiting his friends. She would arrive unannounced and catch me in the middle of a food fight with Sarah who loved feeding time. This was her time to make sure she redecorated the room with food. Mathew would join in by blowing bubbles, either spitting out the food or simply throwing his plate across the room or at me. Food time was game time.
I would then greet this witch covered in baby food, yellow mashed baby food and she would take one look at me and remind me that I was not her choice for a wife for her perfect son. She then would tell me that he grew up in a clean tidy home and never had to live like this. Never mind that she had three helpers to assist her run her home and she had a nanny to look after her children. I would then find myself running around trying to clean up to stop her lamenting painful voice and Sarah of course would think this was a new game. As fast as I tried to tidy, she would toddle all over and unpack what I was trying to hide. Mathew would take one look at his grandmother and walk up to her, pull the teat off his bottle, pour it on the floor where she was standing, and then waddle off with a giggle.
I think they could sense my need for escape when their witch Grandmother arrived. Hence, my reasons for panicking when people are arriving at our house or when I am planning a family function. My family reminds me that the visitors are not going to check the cupboards, the walls, under the beds, the are simply going to visit and have fun…….. Oh yeah – I say wait until your grandmother visits. She checks everything and then tell me to relax!
Years of abuse, I tell you – years of abuse!!! Poor Sarah had to put up with my state of panic when I was arranging her 21st. I cancelled her 21st so many times in times of stress but we still went ahead with it. I do get over my nerves and on the night am quite in control of my insanity. So there is light at the end of the tunnel.
This weekend family reunion was wonderful. So great to catch up and not once did I stumble and fall or spill my drink on a laptop. Only fought with Bern once before we went to the dinner -Overall it was a great success.
The highlight for Bern and I was seeing her mom who was not told we were coming so she was thrilled at the surprise. We also were fortunate enough to stay with Sarah and Cait joined us. Mathew was away for the weekend. Staying with Sarah is such fun. Wall to wall people in her little place – and the laughter just flows – I love visiting them and hopefully they love having us.
The trip to Johannesburg was great fun. We were serenaded all the way. Six hours of varying meowing sounds. Some quite loud and pitched – some cute as they played and it was fun and games keeping them happy. We tried the box thing – but they did not like the box and escaped. Once they settled down in the car, it became an adventure for them. They played and scrambled everywhere and Bern was their favourite place to sleep. Shame poor babies - it was a long strip for themMy girls have told me they are settling in nicely in their new homes. They see the girls as part of their jungle gym and kept them up last night playing. Welcome to being a parent to an animal. They come first! We are the experts on animals come first. On our arrival, we unpacked the car and the dogs decided that they would never be left behind again and jumped right into the boot. Awwwww cute man. It took some time to persuade them to get out the boot and join us in the house. Animals are so clever!
I will get it right! I will not stress about stuff I can do nothing about! I will accept I cannot lose 10kgs in a month! I will overcome my need to panic. I will Get Over Myself!!!!!!
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