Bern and I celebrated our 11th anniversary this week. This is the day that changed all our lives. Bern previously was in relationships without children. She came into a ready made family, 3 children; I was recovering from surgery and two ex husbands. One a stalker and the other a dad who did as little as he had to, to support his children. So to say we were faced with challenges is putting it mildly.
As a family, we all had adjustments starting with the first week of my realization that I was in love with Bern. Of course the burning question was –“how do I tell my kids” then later “how do I tell my family and friends” I did not have to worry about telling my kids, Cait took care of that. It was about the 3rd day after I had asked Bern to stay with us when Cait came into my bathroom, she was 8 years old and she asked me right out. “Mom are you a lesbian?” So I replied, “well I love Bern so yes I suppose that makes me a lesbian, how you do feel about that?”
My heart was racing and I was shaking, this was a big change for me and I was aware of the impact it would have on my children. Would they bear the burden, teasing, and punishments of having a gay mom in our not so understanding world?
These thoughts were racing through my head. Cait in her 8-year-old innocence said, “That’s cool mom, we like Bern and she makes you laugh. You have stopped crying and that is good” she then rushed out the bathroom and declared in a loud voice to mat and Sarah “Yes mom is a lesbian". I did not even know she knew what that meant but Cait surprised me. When I came out the bathroom, the children bombarded us with questions and were so excited. This really surprised me and of course, we answered as best we could.
The overall acceptance of Bern and I and our decision to build a life together was initially met with disbelief. Moreover, I was cross-questioned and my family and friends were initially not so happy with the decision. "Was this a PHASE I was going through was their biggest question." However once they met Bern and saw the peace she had brought into our lives and the balance and laughter they accepted that this was my choice and even though they could not understand my decisions – they decided to welcome Bern into our family.
We have faced many challenges. The worst being the attack on our family 8 years ago which we still carry the visible scars. These are now our badges of bravery and conviction to not let the joy and love we share be destroyed by a two people who wanted to destroy us. We have overcome this and we are not victims, we are victorious and have protected ourselves since then to the best of our ability with prayer and home security.
I knew that the headmaster had told the teacher briefly of the attack on our family, so you would think she would be a little more supportive. This was not the case. She was an absolute mean horrid person. She failed Caity for a test, which Cait was not aware of and instead of marking her absent; she decided to make an example of her by mocking her in the class while the other children watched. We had a teachers -parents conference that week and I was so ready to challenge this teacher.
The parents had to sit in her classroom on the tiny children chairs while she bombarded and disciplined each parent that was sitting at her desk for their one on one presentation. I sat there and bristled as she belittled the parents and when the parents left her desk, you could see they felt like they had been sent to detention.
I looked around at the other parents and I overheard whispers of what a horrid teacher she was and how scared the children were of her. One mother said she had taught one of her other children and her child had experienced the worst year of her life at the hands of this teacher.
I waited for my turn with her, and when she called Mrs. Osterloh, I bristled even more and in a voice loud enough for the other parents to hear, I said, "It is not Mrs. Osterloh, it is Mrs. Gravett – I know it states that on Caitlin’s application. "I would appreciate it if you called me by my correct name. (Yes, I was ready for this bully)
I sat down at her desk facing her and she looked at the results and started to tell me how badly Caity was doing of late and that I needed to be a more involved mother. Her not having a dad was no excuse for poor work. I looked at her and said, “I think you had better shut up and listen to me. I have heard you berate every parent who has had the displeasure of facing your onslaught of meanness and it stops here.
She sat there with her mouth agape and then told me that I was there to listen and not comment. Well this was the wrong thing to say. So I let her have it.
“Do I not pay school fees which actually contribute to your salary?”
Her reply “Well I suppose in a way you do”
“If I achieved the results you do in your chosen profession – I would be fired for non achievement”
Her reply – “I beg your pardon?”
“Yes you should beg my pardon and the other parents of all the children you have ever taught – now you listen to me. Are you aware that we had a home invasion where we were attacked? ‘
“Yes, I was made aware of this” she said
Before she could jump in and try to tell me how I should have handled it I verbally attacked her.
“So you think it is alright to add further trauma to an 8 year old who saw her mother covered in blood, her step mother covered in blood and her older sister totally shattered. You felt it was necessary to add to her nightmares? She now not only dreams of these people coming into our home and attacking us, she now dreams of her hated teacher who is a bully!”
I added, “Does this make you feel powerful, does this give you a thrill?
"Are you one of those people who made it their mission to destroy innocent minds and fill them with fear? How dare you fail Caitlin for a test she was not even aware of as she was away with us on a retreat to recover from our attack?
I continued . "She walks in on the following Monday and you fail her instead of marking her absent for the test. !”
"You know Caitlin is a good worker and you decided in your absolute wisdom and power to destroy her grades with a zero when she was not aware of the test!"
I then lambasted her “I see you are expecting your child, now let me ask you, would you tolerate anyone treating this child like you treat the children in your class. Let me tell you, I am not leaving it at this, I will lodge a complaint and I am sure the parents sitting behind me will gladly sign a petition to have you removed from this position. So next time you want to yell at a child because you have had a bad day, or have a horrid marriage or are just naturally a bully, think of this day and remember there are other parents out there like me who will take you on and defeat you. There is no room in this world for teachers who teaches our children that being a bully is acceptable. It is not.”
I grabbed my handbag, stood up, and told her the meeting was over. The parents still waiting for their meeting applauded me and the teacher was in tears when I was finished. I turned to her and said; "see it is not nice being bullied is it?I resent the fact that you incited this outburst from me and as I teacher I expect more from you and you will be hearing from the Governing Body and the Education Department."
With that, Caity and I left the classroom. The head master disciplined the teacher as after my outburst the parents decided to follow my example and lodge a complaint. She did not return the following year and I have no idea where she went to after that.
In the head master’s office, I faced this giant of a bully head on. I explained to him that he was being charged with assault if I was not satisfied with the outcome. I had taken pictures of his assault on my child. I asked him if he was donkey, and how dare he kick a child. I asked him if he achieved some type of a thrill by abusing children. He sat there trembling, yes no exaggeration, trembling and tears were streaming down his face. He tried to explain his reason for bullying my child and I told him I was fully aware of what transpired and why he thought he had to kick my child. I then explained to him that if he bothered to ask my child why she lashed out at another boy in class- he would have found out that this boy has pushed my child down the stairs. Tripped her and bullied her from the first day at school. Her lashing out at this boy was after months of her being tormented and he added to this by kicking her as if she was a dog – which by the way is also unacceptable.
I told him he would apologize to my child in front of the class, and he would not teach her anymore. I told the head master that he would give Sarah the lessons she required or hire a teacher at their expense to teach her this subject and he would not even speak to her again. Before I left I did advise him that the investigation would not stop, as I would make it my mission to see him removed from the school. This teacher did leave the school, as his contract was not renewed.
He went to teach at an elite boy’s school in Johannesburg and he made the mistake of hitting a child at this school. The boys took their own revenge and he landed up in a wheel chair as they broke both his legs with a cricket bat and his arms. I have no idea if the education department was called in on this case by the parents, I do know the teacher did not press charges against the children and last I heard he does not teach anymore.
We had many a weekend filled watching our children perform and they excelled in their craft. Cait hates to be reminded of her time with eh circus (sorry my angel) but she was also a winner in the Television series 30 Seconds for her performance on the trapeze. We learnt a lot and our family faced everything with our normal gusto and love of life.
That is not to say we did not have our differences in our home. We most certainly did, but 11 years later we are a family united and the bonds we have built will help us get through the next episode of our lives.
The children are now all in their own homes, Bern and I are working together in Durban and we are enjoying the experience once again. Our lives in Durban have been decorated with the antics of our animals and we are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel regarding our business venture with our company. Baby steps but we after making headway into the Durban market finally.
However, the highlight of our lives is our children and our animals. One day we will be blessed with enough money to have a place big enough to rescues animals and give them a place to find peace and love. This is a project all my children want to be pa part of and who knows – after a few lessons from the real Dog whisperer – we may just have our own whispering farm for animals. But until that day, we will settle for our little zoo, which expanded in the last week.
Ally Monster Kitty produced three ginger kittens. One girl and two boys. These little bundles will be moving to Johannesburg when they are old enough to live with our children. Ally is a wonderful mother and she demands we bring her and her children to sit with us during the day for company. She resides in our spare room at night, as she is still very vigilant about her babies and very protective.
We have a new addition to our dog family. Bustarhymes a staffi mix male was rescued by Bern off the busy street, which runs past our home. He had strayed from his home and he is waiting for his owners to contact the SPCA or the local vet to find him. He is very sweet and I hope his family is looking for him. Our pack has accepted him, although Little Boy is not impressed. We have agreed to foster him for a while to give his owners time to find him. If they do not come forward, we are still not sure what we are going to do with him. However, the vet has assured us he will not have a hard time finding a new home as he is a lovely young male and has a lovely demeanour and such a lovely brindle colouring. We are of course already in love with him and he is so gentle and kind. I hope he finds his owners as he is well trained and has been neutered and they obviously care for him as he has a collar and they way he reacts to people he must have been loved by them.
Animals – the colour and spice of our lives.
Last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bern was in a fit of giggles last night with Mofo. I should get Bern to type this, coz she thought it was so funny – she was collapsed in laughter but I will give I it a try.
Picture this………Rustle, rustle, frantic rustle, even more frantic rustle.
Next thing- this shopping packet shoots off out of the lounge.
This moving packet darts into the main bedroom -Then does a u-turn.
Packet wrapped around Mofo shoulder by handle – head sticking out
Packet darts down the passage to Kitty’s private room; does a U-turn – back down passage; Slide to a stop in our room.
Mofo is now on fast forward mode. She darts off down the passage once again!
Bern and Jinx watching this action like a live tennis match… heads moving from side to side. Mofo turns around and reaches the main room again - Mofo finally releases herself. Packet now split down the side!
Mofo was impressed – hiding behind curtain in room with Angel peeping out to see if the packet will return
Bern is totally useless, no energy – laughed herself into a peeing puddle
Jinx enthralled – memorized – hypnotized……
Me! ... Not impressed with Bern for laughing, I of course am just as much to blame as I was not quick enough to rescue Mofo from her Plastic Cape and I was watching Bern and laughing at Mofo and the dogs reactions. She tried to explain to me what she was seeing. The sentences were not structured and every time she tried to tell me, Mofo would dart down the passage wearing the plastic bag.
She kept telling me it was funny as the tears stream down her face and she is totally exhausted after laughing so hard - and I told her it is so NOT FUNNY
Bern says my kids would see the humour in it. I said NOT FUNNY
This happened in about a minute flat at the most.
Zing up and down, rustles; rustle; rustle………. And of course, my kids think this is funny and Shane commented to me “Sorry Shell, it is funny!”
Last week this little incident happened and I had to share it with my children. Sarah had just sent me a mail about a domestic worker and her unique way of keeping the family pets entertained.
Bern responded to the mail:
I’m gonna strap Ally cat and her babies to my back. Might land up in hospital, but at least I’ll look cute for all of 3 seconds!
Sarah responded to Bern’s Mail:
Hahahahahaha Rooting for you Bern. Let me know what hospital you end up in!
My response to Bern, Sarah and Cait:
Bern is insane… her suggestion that she tries this domestic miracle is funny as hell
Strap Kitty with her babies to her back… oh my god she is not well. We can’t even pick the monsters up for long and Ally Monster Kitty jumps out the box to give us a good talking to.
You are right Sarah it most probably started when they were small and the house cleaner needed to keep track of them and they are always sleeping and are all cuddly so they accepted it.
I bet they sit on the towel waiting for her to come and work and she dutifully picks them up and carries them.
Bern just encouraged Mofo to get into another packet just now and I warned Mofo – STEP AWAY FROM THE PACKET
And two nights ago… our alarm went off. I had a dream earlier that I opened the bedroom door and was attacked by a black shadow man thing.
So when the alarm went off I freaked out. Bern was going to open the door to see where the movement happened. Or maybe she was running away from me as I had a movement in my pants I got such a fright. So I yelled no, we wait.
The security company phoned and I told them they will have to jump the gate as we stupidly leave the bloody gate key in the Kitchen….l. note to self don’t do this,
So Bern opens the security door off our room and peaks into the lounge from outside the house. Now we are kind of Head in the room Head out the room dodging motion as if this will stop the intruders seeing us.
I then hear a thump- thump against the bedroom door.
Brave me says to Bern “Ok you run if I am attacked – I am opening the door and you scream for help!
I am still trying to calm him down. Any sudden noises and he freaks out. I think the alarm pierced his ear drums and even filling the food bowl now makes him uncomfortable… but not to worry – he has already has his revenge on me…. He let my legs know that he hates me and my feet are in shreds….. His latest trick… stalking me in the bath…. I try not to make sudden movements (lol) even those on the loo are carefully done as he is in attack mode. He takes the loo paper and runs and then kills it!
Mail response from Sarah: Mom you are fffff funny!!!!!! Every one thinks I’m nuts laughing at my computer
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