Last September; I must admit we were all looking very HEAT (read my earlier blog if you don’t understand this entitled - Never start a conversation….
I believe my grasp of the English language would not normally allow this abuse of grammar or is it diction?) in our outfits at a Gay Night club last year September and this man comes up to Shell our very close friend and tries his charms on her.
Now realize this is a ladies evening at a gay night club. My girls and their boyfriends are with us but it’s a ladies evening and we just want to enjoy ourselves and have some much needed fun.
This man comes up to Shell and turns on his charm.
Firstly he says” Hello” not a bad way to start the conversation I guess.
He is not a very impressive looking person; you know the type that makes your skin crawl. He must have lost his direction when deciding where to go out for the night and pick up a girl; as this is a Gay night club remember! I realize that it’s not exclusive but when you go into an establishment like that you have to assume that a girl is with a girl right? Even if you have decided to go there to either peer at the freaks or go listen to the amazing music they play. Be that as it may….
Shell carries on dancing with us and tries to ignore him. He continues and ignores the stares he is getting from Bern who is our body guard.
I mean her stance with her arms across her chest and legs planted firmly on the floor should have been a dead giveaway; NOT TO MENTION THE LOOK ON HER FACE THAT WILL TURN EVEN THE BRAVEST OF US INTO WOBBLING JELLY.
With her one eye brow raised as no one else I have ever met is able to raise it that high. The expression says " Hey boet (a slang word we South Africans use for a male we don't like or use for our brothers as this is the Afrikaans term for brother) Hey Boet; if you know what’s good for you; you will stop right where you are and go no further!
No this man does not read body language at all well. All he sees is this beautiful stunning apparition in his view and cannot believe his luck.
He asks Shell if he can go out on a real date with her- As if there is such a thing as pretend dates!
As she looks up at him, he puts his finger in his mouth to dig for something and she says “Oh My Goodness he is going back for seconds!”
Now realize this is a ladies evening at a gay night club. My girls and their boyfriends are with us but it’s a ladies evening and we just want to enjoy ourselves and have some much needed fun.
This man comes up to Shell and turns on his charm.
Firstly he says” Hello” not a bad way to start the conversation I guess.
He is not a very impressive looking person; you know the type that makes your skin crawl. He must have lost his direction when deciding where to go out for the night and pick up a girl; as this is a Gay night club remember! I realize that it’s not exclusive but when you go into an establishment like that you have to assume that a girl is with a girl right? Even if you have decided to go there to either peer at the freaks or go listen to the amazing music they play. Be that as it may….
Shell carries on dancing with us and tries to ignore him. He continues and ignores the stares he is getting from Bern who is our body guard.
I mean her stance with her arms across her chest and legs planted firmly on the floor should have been a dead giveaway; NOT TO MENTION THE LOOK ON HER FACE THAT WILL TURN EVEN THE BRAVEST OF US INTO WOBBLING JELLY.
With her one eye brow raised as no one else I have ever met is able to raise it that high. The expression says " Hey boet (a slang word we South Africans use for a male we don't like or use for our brothers as this is the Afrikaans term for brother) Hey Boet; if you know what’s good for you; you will stop right where you are and go no further!
No this man does not read body language at all well. All he sees is this beautiful stunning apparition in his view and cannot believe his luck.
He asks Shell if he can go out on a real date with her- As if there is such a thing as pretend dates!
As she looks up at him, he puts his finger in his mouth to dig for something and she says “Oh My Goodness he is going back for seconds!”
We all burst out laughing but this goes right over his head!
So he tries again;
“You smell really really nice” to which she responds.
"China, my perfume costs more than your annual salary!" (Good one Shell - wish I was that quick on my feet!) But sadly he doesn’t get this either and continues to be a pest until one of the bouncers notices we are not happy with the situation and asks him to leave.
So any time someone annoying says to me “You smell nice” I am tempted to use Shell’s line, “my perfume costs more than your annual salary” but alas it’s wasted on me as I don’t have the ability to attract attention.
However with saying that I have to share an incident that happened a couple of months ago.
I was at the chemist getting head ache pills. As I was standing there waiting for my order to be filled, this young gentleman walks in. He asks the pharmacist about what he can give his dog for a rash.
The pharmacist explains that he is out of the ointment and shrugs his shoulders when the gentleman asks what other options are there.
So me being who I am, terribly helpful and oh so knowledgeable, (well I think so) advise him to wash his dog in bi-carbonate of soda about 1 table spoon in a bucket of water and then get aqueous cream to rub on his body just to stop the irritation until he can get the correct medication or go to the vet and ask them for an ointment.
I think nothing more of it; he thanks me and leaves the chemist. I walk out a few minutes later, and I don’t really pay much attention to him as he smiles at me, he then approaches me.
"China, my perfume costs more than your annual salary!" (Good one Shell - wish I was that quick on my feet!) But sadly he doesn’t get this either and continues to be a pest until one of the bouncers notices we are not happy with the situation and asks him to leave.
So any time someone annoying says to me “You smell nice” I am tempted to use Shell’s line, “my perfume costs more than your annual salary” but alas it’s wasted on me as I don’t have the ability to attract attention.
However with saying that I have to share an incident that happened a couple of months ago.
I was at the chemist getting head ache pills. As I was standing there waiting for my order to be filled, this young gentleman walks in. He asks the pharmacist about what he can give his dog for a rash.
The pharmacist explains that he is out of the ointment and shrugs his shoulders when the gentleman asks what other options are there.
So me being who I am, terribly helpful and oh so knowledgeable, (well I think so) advise him to wash his dog in bi-carbonate of soda about 1 table spoon in a bucket of water and then get aqueous cream to rub on his body just to stop the irritation until he can get the correct medication or go to the vet and ask them for an ointment.
I think nothing more of it; he thanks me and leaves the chemist. I walk out a few minutes later, and I don’t really pay much attention to him as he smiles at me, he then approaches me.
“Please can I have your phone number, I would like to take you out on a date?” he asks me.
I stand there, smile and politely decline and he asks why and I tell him "I am very happy in my relationship but thank you for the offer; and I am flattered you asked me." and smile what I thought was a sweet smile thinking to myself, that took courage and rejection is not easy and blah blah....
I walk off to my car head held high and kind of impressed that I still have it, and do that victory dance like the American football players do when the score a touchdown. I marvel at the fact that this gentleman was much younger than me at least 15 years younger!
When I realize the bright yellow jacket he is wearing is not that of a say Police Officer or Traffic Officer; no it’s the jacket the car guards wear, and wonder to myself, whose car would we have gone in for the DATE?
It suddenly dawns on me that he saw me going into the chemist for his dog - NO he made up an excuse to come in there to chat to me to make sure I paid him for guarding my car.
We have the pleasure of having car guards where we stop and shop in South Africa.
There went my ego, and realized that not even my perfume can do the trick.
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