I had only been married a few weeks when I was frying eggs for dinner. All of 19 and I thought I was all grown up. My family were over and my friend Debbie and her boyfriend. There I was in control of my own kitchen, basking in the power of the knowledge that I was all grown up.
I put the cooking oil - yes cooking oil; not butter or margerine in the pan and as I was about to break the egg into the pan, the cooking oil spat up at me and in a flurry of fright I somehow managed to crack the egg simultaneously throwing it up and it landed in my top, right in my bra. Splat, it broke in my clevage which I have quite a lot of - damit - and I had egg dribbling down my chest, stomach and into my jeans in a second flat.
If this was not bad enough I had an audience, my whole family, my friend, her boyfriend and my hubby! My life, the life of comical errors! I ran out trying to hold my blouse away and was followed closely by my mother who of no use whatsoever as she was trying to control the fits of laughter and spontaneous out bursts of amuesement!
One day Adie walked into the kitchen he saw me bending in the fridge and as only young people do who are in love and still filled with the thrills of marriage, he walked up to me and grabbed my bottom with that full pinch which is quite suggestive and then pulled me towards him so lovingly and was so proud of the obvious evidence that he was totally in love with me so to speak.
My mom nearly fell into the fridge and screeched and nearly fainted, it was in fact not me bending in the fridge; it was my mother! Adie gave her a very friendly cuddle.
In my younger years I was quite sporty and therefore had quite a firm body. My mother had been blessed with a slim figure even after three children (the fourth one came later) as some mothers and daughters do, we used to wear each other’s dresses. I was standing in the pantry when this happened and was not quick enough to tell him that it was not me bending in the fridge.
My mother was tiny and had the sweetest disposition and everyone loved her - but she had a very sharp toungue and people automatically respected her; clearly a gene I missed as I do not command respect, I tend to make people fall around in fits of helpless laughter! This respect my mom gained only added to Adie's embarrassment as he was quite nervous of her.
He turned to me and said "It is not my fault you wear each other’s clothes!" and slinked off so embarrassed and humiliated. Needless to say he called out my name before there was any more groping in the fridges or corners.
I had been married for less than a year and was invited to my cousins wedding here in South Africa. The night before the wedding there was a bit of a family reunion and the men decided to have that traditional man versus alcohol competition which one would think they have realized if a lost cause.
The ladies went to bed early to be bright a fresh and adorable for the following day. A few hours later, Adie came to bed, stripped off as he always does. Climbed into bed and cuddled up all passionately. He wrapped me in his arms in the spoon position and kissed me on the neck.
I heard my mom say in a rather loud voice "No Adie - Michelle is in the room next door."
He ran out of the room with his clothes in one hand and his shoes covering his not so private areas. I have heard of keeping it in the family but this goes beyond the call of duty! He was horrified and blamed me of course.
And the fun just carries on. We went to visit long time friends of ours in Chegutu, there was a shortage of beds and we were sleeping in separate beds. I went to bed earlier than the men who were battling the demon alcohol, and were determined once again to beat this formidable foe. This of course is a hopeless battle as they always lose.
I was fast asleep and next minute I was being catapulted out my bed by this big burly man who had decide he need to share my bed with me. What I failed to tell you was that it was a camper bed I was sleeping on, One of those old fashioned camper beds that tipple like a see-saw if not used properly.
I flew into the air and must have looked like a deformed circus act - Flying in the fetal position. What exasperated me was Adie just collapsed and went into that deep sleep that only the inebriated are able to.
I switched on the light to find a pillow to suffocate him but decided against it as I watched this stupid man sleep and realized that tomorrow I would have my revenge as he was sure to have a serious hangover and I would sing in my beautiful melodic voice at every opportunity.
Oh revenge of the "wife"
I put the cooking oil - yes cooking oil; not butter or margerine in the pan and as I was about to break the egg into the pan, the cooking oil spat up at me and in a flurry of fright I somehow managed to crack the egg simultaneously throwing it up and it landed in my top, right in my bra. Splat, it broke in my clevage which I have quite a lot of - damit - and I had egg dribbling down my chest, stomach and into my jeans in a second flat.
If this was not bad enough I had an audience, my whole family, my friend, her boyfriend and my hubby! My life, the life of comical errors! I ran out trying to hold my blouse away and was followed closely by my mother who of no use whatsoever as she was trying to control the fits of laughter and spontaneous out bursts of amuesement!
One day Adie walked into the kitchen he saw me bending in the fridge and as only young people do who are in love and still filled with the thrills of marriage, he walked up to me and grabbed my bottom with that full pinch which is quite suggestive and then pulled me towards him so lovingly and was so proud of the obvious evidence that he was totally in love with me so to speak.
My mom nearly fell into the fridge and screeched and nearly fainted, it was in fact not me bending in the fridge; it was my mother! Adie gave her a very friendly cuddle.
In my younger years I was quite sporty and therefore had quite a firm body. My mother had been blessed with a slim figure even after three children (the fourth one came later) as some mothers and daughters do, we used to wear each other’s dresses. I was standing in the pantry when this happened and was not quick enough to tell him that it was not me bending in the fridge.
My mother was tiny and had the sweetest disposition and everyone loved her - but she had a very sharp toungue and people automatically respected her; clearly a gene I missed as I do not command respect, I tend to make people fall around in fits of helpless laughter! This respect my mom gained only added to Adie's embarrassment as he was quite nervous of her.
He turned to me and said "It is not my fault you wear each other’s clothes!" and slinked off so embarrassed and humiliated. Needless to say he called out my name before there was any more groping in the fridges or corners.
I had been married for less than a year and was invited to my cousins wedding here in South Africa. The night before the wedding there was a bit of a family reunion and the men decided to have that traditional man versus alcohol competition which one would think they have realized if a lost cause.
The ladies went to bed early to be bright a fresh and adorable for the following day. A few hours later, Adie came to bed, stripped off as he always does. Climbed into bed and cuddled up all passionately. He wrapped me in his arms in the spoon position and kissed me on the neck.
I heard my mom say in a rather loud voice "No Adie - Michelle is in the room next door."
He ran out of the room with his clothes in one hand and his shoes covering his not so private areas. I have heard of keeping it in the family but this goes beyond the call of duty! He was horrified and blamed me of course.
And the fun just carries on. We went to visit long time friends of ours in Chegutu, there was a shortage of beds and we were sleeping in separate beds. I went to bed earlier than the men who were battling the demon alcohol, and were determined once again to beat this formidable foe. This of course is a hopeless battle as they always lose.
I was fast asleep and next minute I was being catapulted out my bed by this big burly man who had decide he need to share my bed with me. What I failed to tell you was that it was a camper bed I was sleeping on, One of those old fashioned camper beds that tipple like a see-saw if not used properly.
I flew into the air and must have looked like a deformed circus act - Flying in the fetal position. What exasperated me was Adie just collapsed and went into that deep sleep that only the inebriated are able to.
I switched on the light to find a pillow to suffocate him but decided against it as I watched this stupid man sleep and realized that tomorrow I would have my revenge as he was sure to have a serious hangover and I would sing in my beautiful melodic voice at every opportunity.
Oh revenge of the "wife"
No comments:
Post a Comment