Family and Adversity

As I write my silly little stories I am convinced that without these wonderful Jolts of laughter that seem to inflict my family has more than once in helped me to face yet one more day.

The horrors we all face daily in our lives especially in our country can be overwhelming and if one allows themselves to fall into the negative pattern then there will be no joy to appreciate. Thank Goodness my family has always had the ability to face life with the same gusto and joy we have seen our parents do in their very hard lives. If there is one thing I hope my children have inherited from them - is to make the best of a bad situation and to never give up.

After a rather horrific attack on my family, more specifically Bern, myself and Sarah; while Matt and Cait slept blissfully unaware of the events unfolding in the house.

We were recovering at my partner’s brother’s home. Even in times of great adversity humour still finds a way to lighten even the darkest or dark situations.

We had been planning a 30th birthday celebration for Bern before the attack. The celebration still took place and all our family and friends arrived and were very supportive. We were unable to participate in the festivities and consume any alcohol due to the medication and tranquilizers Bern myself and Sarah I were on. However, for the birthday cake cutting, we were persuaded to sip a small amount of Kahlua and this small sip, no more than a thimble turned a rather somber evening into an evening of ridiculous laughter and giggles. I was in a wheel chair and Bern had just been released from hospital after surgery on her hand.

The joy of being alive and escaping the attempts on our life rubbed off on everyone present at the celebration. We were not only celebrating my partner’s birthday, we were celebrating life, love family and friends.

Once the guests had left we retreated to the rooms we had been given. Bern, Sarah myself and Cait, were all sharing a room. Cait was still very wound up and excitable and still in shock, so Bern’s brother suggested she sleep in their room to try and calm her down.

I was not really able to be of much help there as I needed assistance getting up and walking, and quite sedated with the medication and the sip of kahlua. So I agreed and thanked them for their kindness. Shock does manifest itself in the strangest way.

The fits of giggles that we were experiencing I believe must have been part of the healing power. Sarah was sharing the room with us and as hard as Bern and I tried we just could not stop giggling. Sarah was trying to sleep and was also very much in shock. "Mom!" "Bern!" Will you behave yourselves and GO TO SLEEP NOW!" said my exasperated Sarah, "you are behaving like children!" Which of course did not have the desired effect, Bern and I just thought this was the funniest thing and continued to laugh and tease Sarah. In Hind sight this is definitely the result of the shock and the body's way of trying to block out the horrors until you are actually ready to face them and deal with them.

We got it into our heads to keep Sarah awake. We laughed at the silliest things and our laughter could be heard throughout the house and we were clearly keeping the family awake, however as quickly as the giggles hit us the sleeping pills worked even faster. In the middle of our crazy giggle fit we fell into a very deep sleep.

The following morning we were told about Cait’s evening with Bern’s brother and his wife in their room.

Everyone was exhausted after the attack on our family the day before and we all needed sleep, but my sweet Cait aged 10 was over excited and this is how the evening went in the room next to ours

Brother/uncle: “Ok little Cait its time to go to sleep“
Cait: “Ok but I am scared and worried about my mommy”
Sister-in-law/aunt: “Don’t be scared, we are quite safe, the alarms are on and your mommy is fine. You can hear them giggling so everything is fine”
Cait: “Can I sleep with you?”
Aunt: “Of course Cait. (Now Bern's sister in-law and brother had been up since the attack and had been by our side for all this time and were clearly just as exhausted”
Cait: “I love your bed, it’s so comfortable and I love the colour in your room, and I love you and I love uncle, and the house is so quiet and I am thirsty”
Uncle: “Cait, I will get you a glass of water then you must get some sleep”
Cait: “Ok, thank you Uncle”
Aunt: “Ok Cait let’s try to sleep, close your eyes and think nice thoughts”
Cait: “Ok I will, yawn, stretch, I am tired”
Uncle: “Here is your water Cait;”
Cait: “Thank you. I love you both so much;”
Aunt: “We love you too Pookie Sweet Angel Girl” (her voice now becoming a bit strained but still very patient);
Silence for about two minutes. The house seems to settle into that quiet calm;
Then:
Cait: “Do you think I could use the toilet”
Uncle: Of course Sugar Plum Dumpling Pokier”
Aunt: “You want me to come with you”
Cait: “Yes please”

Lights back on, trip to the bathroom then back into bed. Hugs and kisses and snuggle back into bed.

Welcomed silence –
Then this little voice decides to break the silence:
Sigh, sigh, and expel air, sigh, wriggle, hugs given once again;
Sigh, sigh;
Aunt: “Pookie wookie sweetie pie angel darling, try to sleep”
Cait: “I am trying but I love you so much I will try harder”

A few minutes later Cait decides to climb out of bed and go to the bathroom
By now Bern’s brother and sister-in-law have fallen asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
Little Cait returns to the bed room and whispers in that loud whisper “I didn’t flush the loo, didn’t want to wake you up!”

Which of course woke them up! As silly as this statement was made, both adults burst out laughing and settled my daughter back down to sleep and waited for the next onslaught of questions and requests. That memory is still very strong in my Cait’s memory and still makes her smile and she remembers the kindness and love she received that horrible night.

I am so grateful for the support and love we received from Bern’s family and their patience they showed in a very bad time of our lives. The next morning Cait slept beautifully while her very exhausted Aunt and Uncle had to go to work.

The shared special memories of that horrid event is still remembered with a smile when we discuss the events that took place at the birthday celebration and how a little 10 year old tried to cope in the only way she knew how to.

During this recovery time, we moved back into our home. We barracked ourselves in the two rooms which had inter-leading doors. The night lock up was quite complicated.

Beds made up on the floor, water for the family, animals brought inside the room, ablutions taken care of. Once everyone was ready for bed, the doors were barricaded with the steel poles to prevent anyone getting into the room.

Next we take our sleeping pills and settle in for the night, I suddenly decide I want Easter eggs which we keep in the freezer.

Bern who only has the use of one hand, takes the barricade off the door a little unsteady of her feet from the sleeping pills and other medication she is on. She goes to the freezer and returns with the Easter eggs - Goes back to the kitchen – switches off the lights, Puts the steel pole back on the door to barricade us into the room again. Climbs into bed and looks for an Easter egg to eat.

All she finds is empty wrappers. She turns to me and my cheeks look like they belong to a chipmunk. I have no idea what possessed me to stuff all these Easter eggs into my mouth, at least 5 if not more. Bern swears I had put 12 in my mouth. Impossible I still say but “Hey” I don’t know anything is possible in that state. All I remember is telling that Bern it felt like I had clouds in my mouth. I just know what I was enjoying the feeling and devouring the eggs as if I would never eat again.

Shame my poor Bern had to go back to the freezer to get more Easter eggs! All worries about security were forgotten as she shrieked with laughter at my face! Chocolate smeared across my face and cheeks so full I could hardly form any words.

Bern’s niece was staying with us just after the attack and we had this beautiful black dog who we named Angel; who was still in her pre-adult puppy stage. Shez was sleeping on the makeshift bed next to my side of the bed and Angel was standing next to Shez as she lay their chatting to us. Bern saw a perfect opportunity for a giggle and said “Sit Angel Sit!” Which our sweet well-behaved Angel promptly did…. Right on Shez’s head. The sight of this dog sitting on her head was even funnier as we had taken the prescribed medication to help us sleep. The room erupted into giggles and the night felt lighter after that.

A few weeks later we were still sharing the inter-leading rooms with the family - it was Sarah’s birthday and Bern and I waited up until midnight to wish her happy birthday. We had not taken our sleeping pills until much later in the evening so we were not quite in control of our mental capacities, Sarah had taken hers earlier. We watched the clock tick down and as it hit midnight we dutifully sang happy birthday to her, she did not budge, but murmured a thank you and carried on sleeping. This was just not good enough, well that is what Bern and I thought. So Bern got it into her head to pour water on her from our glass of water next to the bed and in a flash we did just that.

My poor darling Sarah sat up drenched and we proceeded to sing happy birthday to her sixteen times. Sarah who has a wonderful sense of fun and deep understanding of people and how they handle situations, joined in and we had the biggest midnight party without the cake and food.

After an incident like we shared, we have learnt to treasure each and every moment of joy we are blessed with and to take time to say THANK YOU for the opportunity to continue to face life and all its challenges.

These are the memories we have tried to take with us and put the bad ones into those compartments of our mind that deal with the horrors of that night.