When not to Laugh!

Some People have the ability to Turn a Bad day in a Day that turns you into a murdering steam roller!!!!

I came to work with nothing on my mind in particular except the early hour I was in the office. Now this is not a problem. Just meant a little more planning and things went smoothly enough. The animals are taken care of and off to work I go.

I received a phone call from one of our financial people in our head office. The phone call goes like this

I am going to kill you and I am going to $%&$# take the cash sales off your salary.

So I say “Good Morning to you too” … needless to say this went down with this person as well as a fox in a hen house would! I am then attacked with such a splendiferous choice of words that make me go even paler than I actually am today. I sit there in my chair holding on to my cell phone expecting hands to reach through the phone to strangle me. I calmly try to explain the following

1. I need further information
2. I have furnished proof of payment
3. May I have a copy of the cash sales invoice I ask ever so bravely?

The attack continues. This is guerrilla warfare as I try to explain I do not have access to the main server, and therefore would need them to be mailed to me.

I get verbally abused once again and all my request are turned down flat with some very choice words thrown in for colouring, Ahhhh shame maybe this person was trying to help put some colouring into my very bleak face this morning. Poor poor deranged individual.

Does this individual not understand the concept of “You attract more flies with honey than vinegar or is it bees? "

I can never remember. The phone then gets put down on me. Another thing that really makes the receiver all the more willing to jump right to the query and run around shouting hip hip hooray I have been scolded!!! "Ohhhhh please let me do this, please pick me pick me - hand raised up in the air for attention!

Needless to say, I am prone to fits of wanting to say the obvious “Like who do you think you’re talking to” and come up with all the best lines in retort but alas it was not to be, the phone line was dead in my ear.

I sit at my desk and marvel at the word communication. This usually takes place between more than 1 person, unless of course you have a split personality (which I am sure this individual was today) and communication usually means “they talk, you listen, you talk, they listen so on and so forth. Not they talk, they talk they talk, you try to work out the words that are flying at you in such a rate you can barely keep up, and the threats on your life just keep coming…. Then end the CONVERSATION by just slamming the phone down in your ear. Note I did not say communication.

Oh the skills of communicating. I am now quite riled up and do what any sane person would do. I feel the tears coming to my eyes in anger and frustration, pull up all the mails etc as proof of payment and send them off with a note added. This note is in no ways rude or mean, Factual and precise and press send. I doubt very much I will get an apology.
Taken on the weekend of the Wedding

This reminds me very much of my sweet father who has not been with us for a quite a few years now. He was prone to fits of loud outbursts too and looking back on them as an adult, I must say they were hardly as amusing at the time as they now seem. There is one time however when the situation was hysterical.
We were staying in a hotel as we were attending my cousins wedding. We climbed into the elevator, my mother, my father, my sister, my future sister in law, and my two brothers to go up to the room to get ready for the ceremony and festivities thereafter.

I have no idea what possessed my older brother to do what he did next. I mean it was quite out of character and most unexpected when we were in the presence of our parents who believed in the Old way of disciplining children. Now we were young adults so it was not the fear of a spanking, no we just showed respect to our parents in their presence.

I watched the events unfold in horror and that sick delight we get when we just know this is going to be one of those times you wish you had a video camera.

My brother pushes the Emergency Stop button. So the elevator stops. What we do not realize that we have almost reached our floor and the elevator stops, the doors open and my father who is now quite red in the face with annoyance proceeds to walk out the doors.

What he fails to see however is that the lift floor is not level with the floor on the other side. It is lower than the floor on the third floor. My father steps out, does not see the floor as he had a rather largish stomach. He falls forward as if in slow motion. The lift doors close behind him, thankfully not catching his kicking legs.

Ping! The lift doors open and there is my father on the floor like one of those wobbly men toys. Well my mother ever the diplomat is telling us not to laugh, she asks my father in her soft angelic voice "Darl are you all right?”

My brothers, sisters and I are unable to offer any type of assistance at all. We are rolling on the floor laughing at the turn of the events. We cannot help ourselves. It was just one of those moments that are not supposed to happen and as much as we knew it was wrong to laugh and that we would be in serious trouble for our lack of respect the hysteria just would not and could not be controlled.

There is my father on the floor, clearly not hurt, very angry and of course giving us his opinion of the situation. Gruffly scolding us but we were like little school kids trying to hide our giggles and were unable to disguise the donkey like laughter that was escaping past our hands which we had pressed very tightly to our mouths.

My father climbed up with what little dignity he had left and stormed down the passage while we tried to find the ability to breathe again.

The wedding went of extremely well without any incidents, but every time I enter an elevator I am reminded of my father who under different circumstances would have seen the humour and had it been anyone else - he would have laughed in his big jovial full of feeling laugh which we knew and loved to hear.

The memory of his tipple out the elevator as we watched on in horror as the elevator doors closed behind him and we continued up for approximately 30cm to have the doors “ Ping” open ever so politely and slowly still makes my siblings roll with laughter.

I am sure as I stand in the elevator not making eye contact with, I must look quite insane as I giggle to myself. This usually makes the people in the lift uncomfortable. They tend to move away from me in haste and crowd into a corner hoping I won’t talk to them or worse break into song!!!

They rush the elevator doors to get out, but I do not, No I wait to check that the elevator floor meets the floor levelly on the other side! I Then smile to myself and continue on my journey.

This smile is for you dad, who added so much joy and colour to our lives, who had the ability to make us laugh even in the worst of days. We love you and miss you.