Today started off pretty well even though the weather was horrid. Overcast and drizzling. My kitchen is now covered with paw prints of all sizes which would be considered Art I am sure in many cultures but not so nice in my once clean kitchen.
The plan for today is to wait for a gentleman to come and collect our gym equipment as we have sold it to him. Seems pretty easy and stress free one would think.
What actually happened has to be from one of those Monty Python movies as it’s so ridiculous and if I had not actually been participating in the events I would not believe that something as simple as selling gym equipment could turn into such a disaster.
This is my Skype message to Sarah this morning when she asked how I was - with the profanities removed for obvious reasons. However if you can close your eyes, and imagine a Mad woman running around I think you will work out what I have so eloquently deleted…..
MESSAGE TYPED IN A SPEED WITH MUCH EMOTION ……………………………………………
1. Just when you think it’s safe to come out the bedroom!!!
2. Matt annoyed me so much today (He …… me offfffffso badly). Stupid (#$%^) irresponsible child
3. Well you know we sold the gym equipment etc
4. Well I searched my butt off for the hand pull thing - the long curved one that is used on the gym
5. Shouted at Bern for always leaving stuff *(&%#) like this to me slammed the phone down on her as only a slide phone can be slammed. I KNOW I AM BEING UNFAIR AND TOTALLY LOST MY MIND BUT I AM IN A PANIC.
6. Not as satisfying as actually slamming a phone down. Searched some more. Cursed and ranted and raved. All the time smelling like a mine worker
7. My temper flaring getting angrier at having to always handle nonsense (%$#) like this by myself – totally unreasonable (sorry My Bern)
8. Then get angry that I go into my tantrum state like only I can when I feel totally useless…. and I have just had it and rant to myself ….”She didn’t take the rubbish out” and I traipse down the driveway with rubbish bags and dogs in tow and am so sorry for myself
9. I get all stupid and remember that she didn’t even tell me she loves me this morning and she didn’t cuddle me last night and didn’t even say my dinner was wonderful and she left me alone last night coz she had to work.. Boo hooo so sorry for myself and so damn childish
10. So I am in a state and wearing my stupid sleep clothes. Skimpy shorts and T- shirt with boobs flapping and now Jinx decides to help me look under beds by putting her nose in my eye
11. So imagine me, all panicky, frustrated, angry and about to cry. Phone Bern and ask her in a very strained voice to ask the MATT ($%#&) if he has seen the pole.
12. He says no!!!
13. In desperation I phone Cait. Her damn phone is off. I phone you (remember this is my Skype to Sarah)
14. Your damn phone rings and goes to message
15. I phone your company and Cait answers and tells me it’s on a hose pipe by Matt’s tree house!!
16. I go outside. In my skimpy shorts and boobs flapping in stupid T shirt that has no warmth. It’s raining!
17. Jinx thinks this is a game
18. And.....
19. She trips me up. It’s raining I am furious. I look up up UP and see the damn pole tied to the Hose pipe which is tied to the damn tree missing a handle cover.
20. I grab the rickety ladder. Knowing full well I am too short but imagine my temper will make me taller.
21. Nearly damn kill myself on that stupid wooden ladder.
22. Phone Bern tells her where the pole is. She shouts at Matt and he just walks off mumbling choice words under his breath
23. Bern tells me the steel ladder in his room.
24. So still wearing next to nothing I grab the ladder. Dodge the cute cuddly monster called jinx. So well named. Climb the ladder. Boobs now on view to everyone I am sure
25. White legs all bumpy from old age and I am standing on the step ladder
26. I can just reach the pole. But that it is all - Scissors in hand phone in my elastic from my shorts and try as I might I cannot reach the knot in the pole.
27. Phone Bern and tell her this is (#$%@) ridiculous. Tell her to get in the car and come damn help me
28. She has no vehicle available at that time of the morning
29. She phones the guy and tells him she will bring the pole at lunch time.
30. Run inside. Jump in shower, only to have the guy arrive while I am naked in the dressing room. I throw on clothes and look a terrible sight
31. Then that is not the end of it.
32. I try to get the dogs in the house. They have picked up on my mood and are running scared from me so I call them in and they get even more terrified. I am still half (*&@#) naked.
33. After 10 minutes they finally come in and I rush to throw something on and I let the guy in. I was in such a rush I have floral shirt with black white and red patterns with brown pants on. Open shoes in this rainy weather and hair looks like I belong in a freak show!!!
34. All because Matt decided to use what does not belong to him and destroy it at the same time.
You think that would be the end of it as this is already way too much for any human heart to handle.
No I get a phone call which totally distracts me, a client has an urgent collection and I have an appointment at 10h30 and I am already in work mode.
I jump in the car barely remembering to put the alarm on in the house. The traffic is not so bad at that time of the day. I arrive at work with trusty my MakeUp Bag and dryer as I decided to dry my wonderful freak hair at work while arranging the collection.
I walk in and Bern asks me… “What are you wearing?”
I totally forgot to change my clothes, and was so worried that in all the mad rush I had forgotten to brush my teeth and then checked to make sure I had the necessary underwear on.
Too late to go home and change clothes for my appointment. A New client who has not has the privilege of meeting me as yet. And my heart falls to my feet and hope to goodness there is not truth in that saying “First impression Lasts!”
Well this has a happy ending, I got the business and the client either felt sorry for me or is colour blind or likes the OUT THERE FRAZZLED look.
What finally makes me laugh is Bern's version of handling the Matt dilemma. She was so angry at his response and the mumblingof profanities as he walked off' she said she nearly flew off the loading bay and nearly gripped him.
My imagination took over and there I could see her dressed up as Super Woman wearing her underwear on top of her clothes in the perfect Super Woman pose as she flew off the loading bay!
Well that was me finished and I finally could see the humour in this morning’s events.
No comments:
Post a Comment