Why not to look in the mirror

This morning started with its usual animal banter. After a night of catches with Kitty and Jinx who decided that they need to play and use me as a trampoline and a chew toy while they destroy the room; I was really ready to face the world. My face feels like it should be in one of those carnivals for the biggest spot (ZIT) ever. Or maybe in the Guinness Book of records. I swear my lip would make Mick Jagger jealous. I gently touch it, flinch and think about how nice it would be to stay in bed.

So I send a pity sms to my partner wanting her to somehow magically make the day brighter and happier. Oh I am feeling sorry for myself today. I lie there thinking of my request to stay home ill today. I am sure my boss has never been asked for a sick day because of a SPOT!!!! I contemplate how to ask and then decide, oh well I have looked worse I am sure. So I send off my pity sms to my partner.

Get up to make coffee and do the DOG feeding thing. This seems to play a big part in my life doesn't it? Jinx is still very playful and I dodge her as she nips at my toes and dodge the walls as she herds me to the kitchen. I swear this dog has Sheep Dog in her makeup and I do a waltz type of dance down the passage while my beautiful graceful Fi decides to stop right in front of me to scratch her ear. Nearly kill myself as I land on top of her, but she is a soft landing. There I am sprawled on top of her and thinking to myself...... The joys of animals and oh how wonderful life is and the sun is shining and the damn birds are singing. Life is GREAT!


I get a reply sms from my partner as she was already at work. Yes some people get up before the birds even knows it’s time to get up and they stumble around the room not very quietly I might add getting ready for work. This is after my alarm has gone off several times to wake her. And I don't even have to get up for another two hours!!!!!! You know the feeling; you lie there with this feeling of OH MY GOODNESS can you brush your teeth any quieter and do you have to rock the bed as if we were on the damn titanic while you put your shoes on. All the time telling yourself, "Go back to sleep' Go back to sleep" The joys of the morning just keep on getting better and OH yes...don't forget to take out the trash before you go now that you have woken the whole world with your noise!

Message reads "Hey my Babe." Was ready to kill kitty and jinx last night! The devil incarnate (kitty) kept terrorizing Madam "I'm so clumsy" (Jinx) All at 2am this morning. Not impressed!! I am ok angel, Sorry to hear Mount Helen has found a new home on your lip!


Well I suppose there is some sympathy there in her voice I tell myself, even if I can hear her laughing at her desk while she presses send.

I return to my room coffee in hand. This time the dogs are outside happily enjoying their breakfast. I decide right there and then that an early morning dog feeding business will be a good idea. Like Fast food for dogs!!!!

I feel absolutely terrible. This weekend has caught up on me. No not drinking! The amount of food we consumed. Yesterday my status on Skype was.
Ever eaten so much you feel like a beached whale. Well we sure made a good effort this weekend to be exactly that. A beached Whale!

Well in truth as I look at my expanding waist and know - I not only feel like a beached whale, I must have eaten the whole whale ...poor thing.

I drink my coffee pondering the number of ways a morning should start and decide that is really not going to get any better.... and I muster up the courage to go and look in the mirror to greet Mount Helen face to face so to speak.

Imagine my surprise when I see it’s no bigger than a pin prick. Surely Not.... Something that is that sore has to look like Mount Helen, it sure as hell feels like one.

I drag my weary body into the shower and think I am going to cry at the injustice of the world and how much I really just want to stay in bed and hide from the world. Oh this is a real pity party. Drag myself out of the shower. Avoid the mirror completely... no need to ruin further an already cloudy day.

Sit in front of the mirror. Put the war paint on. Try to hide Mount Helen with a ton of base only to land up with a very obvious mountain that is darker than the rest of my face. Check my phone for the time. Hope that there is a message telling me that today has suddenly been declared a public holiday! No such luck.

Oh well, Africa is not for sissies I tell myself and proceed to get ready for work.

Moral of this story is....... don't look in the mirror in the morning. You never know how is going to stare back at you in horror and confusion.