When the phone rings which sits on my desk, I really do not know why I bother to answer it. It is never for me anymore. It is always for Bern. Gadija who is our Johannesburg Customer Services Manager phones and when I answer she says
“I don’t want you! I want Bern!”
She has tried to soften the blow of late with “Hello my friend …silence…… until I say
“You don’t want me you want Bern right?” and she respond with a giggle and says yes!”
Well this is getting to be the norm here and I simply smile and say hold after answering the phone and Bern rolls her chair to my desk and takes the call. So imagine my surprise when I receive a phone call on my cell phone from Erich our GM.
Sigh……. No one phones for me anymore. K? Everyone phoning this land line asks for Bern and I am not important any more so when Erich phones my cell I think oh great he wants to speak to me. I do the victory dance and the air punch for victory……..
He says hello… “Is my Bern there?”
My response… totally unchecked …. And instant …
“M F---er!” and I handed the phone to Bern. Bern is chortling so much she cannot hear what he is trying to say in between huge belly laughs. She asks Erich if he heard what I called him, he is roaring with laughter and they then giggle at my expense. Nice one! I quickly realize this is my boss I just called that word. I promptly send the Big Boss a mail giving my side of the story before I receive a warning letter. Haha. Erich thinks it is hysterical; I am still waiting for Cheryl’s response.
If you have been following my sad stories you may remember that a while ago my boss Erich repaired my computer where he came across a Skype between Bern and I and it was a bit Risqué and later I sent my cell phone to him for repair. Bern had taken a shot of my cleavage and we could not delete the picture before sending it as the phone had frozen. Now Erich knows
1. About my personal life
2. How great or not so great my cleavage is
3. That is have a vocabulary of a sailor.
Good One! How to impress your boss- I feel so much closer to him now!! Do not come to me for lessons.
Clearly, I need to work on my self-confidence levels again. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm chant………….. “I am worthwhile, I am important, I…………. of forget it, it’s not working.
I suppose I will just have to be happy with my client visits and get over myself- but this does not always help. Yesterday is a good example of a waste of time visit to a new potential client. Before I carry on, I really need to say that as hard as I try, I still have not learnt how to stop the words tumbling out my mouth when I am faced with a ridiculous situation, a stupid person or a rude person.
I make the appointment the prior week to see this client, explain why I am coming through, what we are going to discuss. Yesterday I telephoned to confirm the appointment and what the agenda was and he said “Yes come through I have made time in my day for you!”
I get lost on the way to the client which would not be so sad if I was not using a Navigator, but how was I to know that there are two Gale streets in Durban, possibly more…however when the Garmin directed me back to Pine Town where I live and Not Durban central.
I should have realized that this was actually not the Gale street I was looking for. No not me, I blindly follow the instruction and take a left when I am told and do a u turn when I am told as I am told to do this quite often…… they do not say, “Now Michelle Turn Now,” not they say in the next 150 meters turn right.
I am driving people; I do not have a tape measure that ejects out my car measuring the distance to the turn off, 350 meters, 250 meters 150 meters and then magically turns my wheel for me. This does not happen; no, I listen to the Navigator, talk back to it, and invariably miss the damn turning. These navigators are wonderful but they have no sense and tell me to turn where there is road works or no off ramp or when I am on the bloody highway.
I swear , I grab the navigator off the windscreen and turn it towards where the machine says I must turn and ask it where it would like me to go, then I look at the screen, expecting this little man/woman to jump out at me and respond to my question.
I then show it the road and say, “huh, Huh, where would you like me to turn, tell me please!” No point in repeating the obvious… I need help!
I digress, back to my day - the day just gets better; the last three calls have been for Bern again. I answer ACT good day Michelle speaking and I am met with “I don’t want to speak to you… the third time this wonderful person phoned they decided they had better ask how I was and try some pleasantries…. Only to ask for Bern before I have a chance to reply.
I am going to answer the phone like this from now on.
“ACT Gooday, if you would like to speak to Bern… press the end call button because I am not her PA and I am not transferring the call because I am unable to, invisible people and ghosts are not able to carry out that function…if you would like to speak to Michelle, we will dust the cobwebs off her and resurrect her and she will be with you in oh let’s say NEVER! … Click and put the phone down. Maybe if I do this often Enough PEOPLE WILL STOP PHONING THIS PHONE ON MY DESK. My cell phone is not even sacred ground anymore thanks to Erich….
When the phone rings, I have to admit, I can’t help myself, I start grinning and I have to be careful how I answer the phone, it may very well be the Bosses phoning to speak to Bern.
Oh, woe is me, unappreciated and confused. Getting back to my client visit, I pull over at the Spar just down the road from the house and re-key in the address only to have to drive 12kms to the client. I arrive at the destination the navigator has told me to go, I recognize nothing as I have been to this road previously. I key in the address again, only to see it’s sending me back to Pinetown where the offices are located. I shout at it, curse it and ask it if it knows where the hell it is. I phone Bern and ask her to look in the map book for the area that this Gale Street falls under. She gives me the area name - I key it in….
This location does not exist. By now, I am punching the electronic key board and am just about to throw the thing out the window when I see I have punched in Dale and not Gale the last time, so I re-key in the address and hey presto I am going in the right direction.
I then ask Bern to advise the client that I am running late and ask if that is all right with them. The client is happy to wait and when I arrive I freak out; I quickly and nervously phone Bern and ask her to find out if they have secure parking as the striking workers are walking in the streets singing and jeering and my heart is racing. I have visions of being stoned and mugged and my blood pressure is out the window and my stomach is in a knot and I am shaking and praying and looking for my tracker alarm button which has suspiciously moved from the right to the left of my steering wheel and I am not paying attention and ………..HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
I nearly jump out my skin as this taxi behind me has decided that only he is allowed to drive in the middle of two lanes. I have been so focused on trying to find a parking and a safe place to hide I am driving in the middle of two lanes. I pull into a one way, the wrong one way, freak out, reverse out of the one way lane, only to have to pull forward to let a vehicle out. Reverse again, only to have to pull over again for another car. By now I am sweating in frustration, my hair is plastered on my forehead. I am a bundle of stupidness. I phone Bern and tell her I am never going onto central Durban again, but I do not tell her about my brush with death going down a wrong way. I am by this stage finished and ready for a drink and a smoke to calm my nerves.
Eventually and with a lot of calming deep breathes, I find a parking 10 damn building away from the client. I check my car, take the Navigator with me in case the car gets broken into, my cell phone and my executive folder and climb out the car. Pull my clothes neatly and hope the wrinkles will not be as obvious as I have worked myself into a damp clotheshorse. I click click click down the road in my high Minnie mouse shoes.-Walk up to the security door where you have to ring the bell to gain entrance into the building only to find there is no button to push. This had been vandalized. Now I am cursing to myself for not taking the clients phone number with me and am talking to the intercom as if it can respond and tell myself I am an idiot. When suddenly this voice says “No you are not an idiot, please come inside, I have buzzed the door open for you!
Great! Now I am a fool before I even have the chance to show my professionalism and dazzle them. I walk in smile and do not offer an excuse and this sweet receptionist said she saw me driving around looking for a parking and was going to come outside and try and assist when she saw I had finally found a parking 200m away from them. With a smile, she shows me to the boardroom and I regain my composure well almost.
The client walks in, sees my proposal on the desk and my file open and says, “I hope you are not here to sell me something?” I turn to him and say, “Unless you think I am a hooker selling myself, which I know I am not, yes I am here to discuss your distribution. I did phone you and make the appointment” Keith smiles at me and say well he would never be able to say no to me selling myself (NICE ..not), but he does not pay for the freight and never sends goods which he pays for, the receiver pays.
I smile(glare) at him, pick up my file and walk out without even a goodbye.
Great, I am now ruffled, stressed, a new hooker on the block, who had no idea she was selling herself and I storm off to my car. While walking to my car two suspicious looking men spot me, walk towards me, see my expression of madness and decide to cross over the busy 4-lane road to get away from me. I was furious and steaming and mumbling so, I must have created a really scary impression. This is one expression I am going practice for when I am next sent to the centre of town for a sales call.
I returned to the office, told Bern that the client was an idiot and prepared for my next meeting. I duly phoned the client and asked him if he know why I was coming to see him, and did he have a real need for distribution or did he also want to see what I look like? Shame this poor timid young man on the phone explained yes, I telephoned about distribution and yes, he has a need to discuss distribution and yes, he is prepared for the meeting.
I feel confident now and ready for the appointment. I jet off in my white Aveo, arrive at the Shopping complex, check the Info Directory Board to find out where they are situated, click click click in my high shoes down three floors and locate the shop. They support young designers and while waiting for the client to meet me I browse around and look at the merchandise which is part of the sales function, to understand the client’s needs and get to know their product. I pick up this khaki pair of shorts, look at the price throw it down in a hurry almost as if this offending piece of fabric grew legs and pinchers.
I stand there in the middle of the show room with my mouth open and stare at the price tag R550.00 for a pair of shorts made up on ½ a metre of fabric. Fabric that creases and has as far as I can see no redeeming qualities that could possibly justify the price and hear this voice greeting me.
“Can I help you ma’am, would you like to look at a pair of shorts in your size?” I turn around to face this pretty shop attendant and ask her if they come in rent a tent sizes and will the cost then be R2500 for a pair of shorts for me with a look of disbelief on my face. She smiles sweetly and does not respond. I quickly regained my composure and asked to see the Marketing Manager who I had an appointment with.
Sadly, the appointment was cut short (excuse the pun ha g=ha) as he needed to rush off to deal with a problem that head office had asked him to deal with (I think he took one look at this frump of a woman in front of him and decided as I have no fashion sense – my company would not be able to be of assistance). As I left, he promised to telephone me after he had perused my rates and he would set up another appointment. “Yeah right” I say to myself and I am sure he dropped my proposal in his dustbin and sat down and ordered himself a cappuccino and giggled at my expense.
All in all the day was a complete waste of time. I am frustrated, annoyed, my feet have decided they need to kill me, my shoes suddenly feel three sizes to small and I walked around the shopping mall looking for my exist to find my car.
The escalators are not working anymore; maybe I broke them when I stomped up then. I phoned Bern to tell her I have forgotten where I parked my car – she of course was no help what so ever as how would she know where I parked the car and she tells me I am “Silly”. Well thank you that makes me feel so much better. I walk around for another 15 minutes trying to recognize shops or stalls where I may have come into the shopping mall.
I then choose exit 5 and decide I will walk around the parking lot to find my car. I was successful; two parking lots later, I located my car. By now, I was tempted to take my fancy high heels off and walk on the dirty parking lot roads bare foot. You will be glad to know I did not do this as I like my clean feet and knew I would not be able to remove the tar stains off it and God knows what else I would have walked on.
I returned to the office, exhausted and defeated and deflated, but not all was dark and gloomy, my new client had telephoned to say we were starting the following day. Bern met me with a grin on her face and exclaimed “I am so glad you car found you! Well done!”
All in all what a terrible day. But………. I finally received a reply from my Boss to my mail about swearing at my GM
….. Classic and wonderful; here it is
Let me tell you a story……
I am the most important person in this company (he he), and I NEVER phone Bern….. I only phone you , and you FORCE me to speak to Bern occasionally….
So whenever you think you are not important, look in the mirror, and know that you are….
How had your week been? I feel a lot better now.
No comments:
Post a Comment