During the week a client telephoned to asked if it was too late to do a collection here in Durban. Without thinking I turned to Bern and asked her while the client was listening;
“Babe is it too late to do a collection for …”
I realized what I had said and said; Umm I mean Bern is it too late to do this collection?”
Working together has its advantages but also has its drawbacks. Bern and I work extremely well together and we complement each other. The freight industry is fast, has moments of stress, and is very time sensitive. We have vehicles that have to leave for our other branches and they need to be loaded and leave on time to meet our high service levels. Where I panic, Bern is the voice of sensibility and where I shine when communicating with clients for new business or for complaints, Bern bombs out.
However, we both have a warped sense of humour. On the other hand, possibly an appreciation of the funny side of life is a better description.
When I realized I had called Bern ‘Babe’ I quickly corrected myself and was not aware the client had heard my slip up – she chortled at the fun of it and the unprofessionalism and answered, “Yes Sweetie, we can still do it”
I gained my composure almost and advised the client that yes, we can be of assistance and he replied
“Thanks Babe, I really appreciate it”… he must think that this is our office protocol, or that I am friendly with everyone.
My Cousins suggestion:
Well, this is so ultra professional!
Perhaps it will work better if you said
Babe darling.....Or
Ms Babe........Or
Boss babe .....Just ask Bern which version she prefers
(Thanks for that Einstein, somehow I do not see this working either)
While conducting a meeting at our home/office with a potentially big client, I called Bern ‘Babe’ during negotiations. I only hope the client did not hear this or thought this is how I speak. As I said there are drawbacks to working together as I forget to address her as Bern not Babe. This is something I need to work on, become more aware of, and avoid repeating. Home life is home life and work is work- will be my new mantra in front of the mirror in the mornings.
One of my clients has become a good friend . She specializes in Beauty products and is also a business consultant. One of her passions is animals so we click on so many levels. I sent Christine a mail the other day to update her on my children and general information. We are both so busy that we do not get a chance to meet and have a face-to-face conversation. One day when Christine is this multi billionaire, I will remind her of her (and my) searching for ‘money days’ to buy milk and bread!
Christine has an incredible sense of humour and she loves to see the peculiar side to life. Her wit is sharp and her come back very quick, sometimes so quick that you may miss it and mistake it for sarcasm.
In one of her replies to my mail, she offered her beauty services for Bern and I. Her products are amazing and her facials are heavenly. I am excited about this offer for myself but Bern… Not so much. I replied to her mail, thanked her for the offer for me, and said we need to make a plan for a beauty day – but Bern I replied
Bern have a facial………….lol that is funny.
As for me, I would love it; time is the problem though.
Her reply to me:
Why not give Bern a facial; she has a face, doesn't she! ROTFLMBO! (Roll on the floor laughing my butt off)
When I read this, I had a vision of trying to get Bern to agree to a facial, as she will not even let me tweeze her eyebrows. (Not that they need tweezing, I would never suggest that the eyebrows which are all powerful land are able to raise into her hairline magically need any tweezing or attention. I am not that brave, I would never take on THE EYEBROW. ALTHOUGH it seems to be making a repeat performance lately.
Yesterday I was looking at our desks and office space, picked up my empty coffee cup, and mentioned that our workspace looked like a pigsty.
“I have not filled your cup yet,” said Bern
“Huh?” was my response, as I could not work out how her filling my cup had anything to do with our office space looking like a pigsty.
Eye drown raised, tone in full force Bern Said “I saw the disgust in your face when you checked your coffee cup and saw it was empty”
Once again, I repeated, “HUH” I turned to her and was met with the raised eyebrow and answered the tone … “what are you talking about?”
I had completely forgotten that I was whining a few minutes before about needing coffee and was actually, in my “everything needs to be cleaned and tidied up mode when I looked at my coffee cup”
Typical drama queen style I typed off a mail to my girls and my cousin and told them
“Bern has just raised her eyebrow at me again and used that dreaded tone – I need therapy!”
Sarah’s response – OH MY G mom your life is a drama series! Lol (laugh out loud) I wonder if there are specialists do house calls?
Back to my mail with my friend about the prospect of Bern having a facial…
I replied to her comment about Bern having a face doesn’t she?
Yes, Bern has face - you have seen it - but have you seen her eyebrow look? Well I got that when I told her she needs a facial. Hehehehehe
We will need to get a lion tamer in to tame the eyebrow before we ever have a chance of persuading Bern to have a facial. I am having difficulty getting her to agree to have highlights put in her hair when she next visits Michael my miracle hairdresser. Michael and I were discussing it when I went to see him the other day. I was in one of my creative moods and suggested we put in purple and pink highlights. Bern has gone prematurely grey and her once jet-black hair now sports many white natural high lights.
Now I am not complaining, as Bern is younger than I am, these natural highlights do not give away the age difference. This is the first time I have been with someone younger than I am! Bern would be considered my toy Girl if it were not for the salt and pepper look. Hahaha.
Michael and I decided this was a brilliant idea as it would look wonderful and then sensibility hit me. Bern would never agree to us being creative with her hair. Purple and pink highlights – there is no ways she would ever agree to that. The last time I was creative with her hair, I tried to highlight her whole head and the jet-black hair turned to bright orange. Somehow, I do not think she will ever let me near her hair again.
I think facials and hair highlights are up there with obtaining world peace when it comes to persuading Bern to let us have our way with her. Sigh…….. I would love to see her with bright colours in her hair, but this will be a total contradiction of her personality, which is balanced, calm, and strict. I have decided I will do the funky hair colours and be the outlandish one as I most certainly have the personality to carry crazy off. Well, accused of this many many times. “Mom you are not well -or Shell you need help – or -You are so funny, strange – but funny”
I am not the only funny person out there. Some clients are just as peculiar - I may have signed up a new client but his request was one that I have never in my 19 years of selling had before.
His request: TO SHIP WORMS!
This is how the call went
“Hi Michelle, my name is Terrence, Cheryl gave me your number.”
“Hello Terrence, how can I help you?”
“I need you to help me with moving my worms to various areas”
I sat at my desk with my cell phone to my ear and was stunned - I thought it was a prank call. I said
“I beg your pardon”
He explained that he was having difficulty finding a courier company that would assist him with moving his silk worms. (This had to be Cheryl testing my sales abilities I said to myself)
“Umm Terrence this is an unusual request, I have been asked to move many things, condoms being one of those unusual requests I handled years ago, but never worms.”
I took a breath and thought well if this were a genuine call, I would see how we could be of assistance. (If it was a prank call and Cheryl was testing me – this was one test I was going to fail.)
“So Terrence, how can we help you with your wormy problem?” I was laughing and thankfully, he laughed with me.
Bern had been listening to my call in the background, and I think my “PARDON “ gave me away as my tone was not one of - ‘sorry I missed that, or sorry I did not hear you ‘ it was one of disbelief and your are joking – right?- “PARDON”
Bern being ever so quiet and discreet (not) laughed and asked me what I was talking about. I continued with my call with Terence, asking for more details and as I asked, Bern was only hearing my side of the conversation
“Tell me about your worm problem”
“Okay and what are your needs”
“Right, so your packaging is tight”
“You have enough edible products in your package?”
“You have enough ventilation”
“The size is 35 x 20 x 25”
“Okay so its 1 ½ kg and is 35cm long”
“And what are your costs?”
By now Bern was all ears, her eyes were like saucers, and she was laughing very loud. She had no idea that it was a genuine request. I was trying to be professional, and even though I had this huge grin on my face as I listened, I could not help winder if this was in truth a genuine request, but the client seemed genuine. However, I had to ask the client if he was genuine or was he pulling the …. with me? Wow, I am professional hey.
Bern was shrieking with laughter in the background and Terrence asked who was that giggling in the background? I replied that it was not a giggle Terrence -it is a full out belly laugh. I explained that it was Bern and she was in charge of operations and possibly, she could assist with a few of his questions regarding how we were going to handle his request. This unfortunately is when I lost all sense of decorum and lost all composure, I handed the phone to Bern, as I was not able to talk any more. I am so pleased I was so professional and in control on my sense of humour, but Bern’s facial expression when I said that Bern could advise him on how to handle his worm problem was one of “You have to be kidding me?”
Terence has called his business “Munch A Bunch”. This conjures up so many options, worms was not one of the visions it conjures up. Bern says it sounds x-rated. Yes, the worms’ situation was extremely funny.
I compiled a mail to my boss, explained the client’s needs and requirements, and asked for a response about the rates and suggested ways of helping the client ship his worms. He supplies silk worms to reptile owners, pet shops and schools. When you explain it, it is not so funny; however remember, Bern was only hearing my side of the conversation while I was on the phone.
My boss received my mail and Bern’s response as I asked for comments and feedback “It sounds x-rated” - Cheryl was in a serious and very intense financial meeting and of course burst out laughing when she read Bern’s comment in response to my mail –
Cheryl’s outburst interrupted the meeting and she had no choice but to explain to the people in the boardroom what she had just read. She replied to my mail “Oh goodness she is right. “ I had no idea Cheryl was in a meeting so I replied to her mail
Hi Cheryl
Yes, I was laughing at her comment. Pretty visual description but would never have thought silk worms qualified. Do not share this with Erich but Bern wanted to say it sounds like a name for ‘a ladies only Bar. ‘
Cheryl said after that, she was unable to focus on the meeting, as she had to share this moment with her friend who would see the humour in the name of the business,
Terence obviously has a good sense of humour too as he sent Cheryl a text complimenting her on her Durban Staff and how amazing they are – (Giggle) If only he knew.
Cheryl has now decided she wants to come work in Durban and I told her we have a driver position available as unfortunately we had to terminate one of our driver’s contracts. She said she would give up her stressful and intense work function to gladly be our driver as we seem to have so much fun and the vibe is excellent. When she feels like she just cannot face another meeting or another phone call, she is going to phone us and draw on our energy and excitement.
After finding out the requirements for sending livestock by air, I composed a mail for Terence and his "Munch A Bunch", outlining the rates and suggested services. It was our standard letter, but I could not help myself, and Bern also contributed in the wording of my mail:
Thank you for your enquiry today and your wonderful sms you sent. Cheryl was most impressed and wanted to know all about our negotiations. (I have to say the name you have chosen for your company has given us quite giggle today) – (I will not tell you why!)
My ending to the mail was as follows:
We look forward to being of assistance and building your Worm Empire with you. We trust we have “wormed our way” into a good business relationship.
OMG our lives are funny and I always believe laughter needs to be shared even if the book agents I have sent my manuscript to do not agree - I have received 4 rejections so far. They say it is not quite up their street! Well my advice is that they need to move streets then, because it is funny as hell. Maybe if I wrote a damn sex book for dummies I would actually get it published? I suppose my sense of humour is not everyone’s cup of tea and I need to keep trying. I am not defeated by the rejections. I was warned that many book agents do not even read the pages sent to them. They automatically reject it.
I really do create funny situations: for example, I dreamt Bern gambled away R40 000 Rands. Sarah phoned me yesterday as she does every morning just after 8.00am. I was telling her how I verbally attacked Bern this morning while brushing my teeth about her gambling endeavour with a tremor in my voice and before I could say anymore, she said
“Mom were you fighting with Bern about your dream again!?” Well I burst out laughing and said well my dreams feel real and Bern gambled away R40 0000!!!. Poor Bern was blasted with toothpaste and verbal abuse for her gambling away so much money, and chastised her and added that I was not impressed. In my dream, she kept on feeding money into the slot machine and was sitting on R200.00 and feeling very proud of herself.
As if Bern would ever do this, she is Miss Conservative and struggles to spend more than R500.00 if we decide to go and play at the casino. If this is a premonition for us having this amount of money, I will make sure there are no casino trips!
Maybe I am going to earn some serious commission or the impossible may happen - a publisher will love the book and advance me money? Well a person can dream and who knows what is in store or may happen - a publisher will love the book and advance me money? Well a person can dream and who knows what is in store for us.
In the mean time, I will walk the work of the broke but employed and make appointments, and who knows, I may very well receive a signed credit application from MUNCH A BUNCH! I need to build my empire and if it means moving worms then I will do it. Stranger things have been known to happen to me.
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