Sarah’s Mail
-o-
Well had an eventful night. Francois passed out and I needed to pee so I walked through the dark house all by myself all scared. Anyway, so I go and pee and see that a bottle of domestos (toilet cleaner) has fallen into the loo from the windowsill. So I take it out and realise wait a minute there is no wind so how the FFFFF did it fall so now I’m freaking myself out. It’s too far to walk back to the bedroom with a full bladder so I pee leaning forward incise someone puts a rope through the window and strangles me and I die on the dam toilet. So I finish up and walk back to the room. I then mysteriously hear a noise and think my walking is not quick enough to out run the noise so I speed up.
Walk INTO the dam door because it’s so dark I didn’t realise it was closed. Freak myself out open it with a dam speed. Squeal because Peanut (François dog) met me at the door and licked me. Then quickly slam the door closed and jump into bed and breathe. 20 min later need to FFFFF pee again. My heart starts racing coos I have to go into the darkness again go through the task of running away from myself hahahaha.
Do the deed again leaning forward as before. Finish up run back. Dodge peanut’s tongue on foot. Slam door and Francois is now awake. I growl at him (like it was his fault) and climb into bed. He passes out. Now the house is still unlocked waiting for his step dad to come home. I then hear a man’s grunt and moaning. Start shitting myself all over again.
And then I hear Franna (François nick name) franna franna. Eventually I elbow Francois to wake the FFFFF up and go and see whoever is calling him. So he gets up waddles off half asleep to his step dad. Climbs back into bed falls asleep basically on top of me. and I have peanut on my other side lying on me too. GREAT how the FFFFF am I suppose to move let alone sleep. So I grunt to myself turn on my side and force myself to sleep!!!!!
Fun and games!!!!
-o-
We are a crazy family, I have proved it with my Sarah’s description of her evening, and even my Cait has added a lot of spice to my life with her mails about her weekend away to Oppie Koppie. (This is similar to Woodstock)-o-
Cait’s mail:
Hi
Let’s start with Thursday
Got home at about half 5 and there was no power at the flat! LOVELY now I must pack all my clothes firstly in the dark and secondly in only ONE BAG! So you can imagine how difficult that was. And rich was also there so we made out a bit lol nothing hectic and we chatted and ya
Dom came home at about 6 and then she packed then we packed our goods into the car then I remember I had forgotten my t-shirt upstairs in the DARK and now I’m oppikoppi t-shirtless
So I run upstairs and try and look in the dark for this blady t-shirt find it on the couch – you biscuit
SO THEN
We drive to Aunty Tracey and then we find Tahnee is already there then we sit in the lounge till half 12 chatting to Aunty Tracey and Terrence (Dom went to bed at about 9)
FRIDAY
We wake up late about quater to 6 and then get ready and pack the whole car and then leave
I sleep most of the way so cant tell you what happened in between
We arrive in Rustenburg go the mall and I bought a dress and shorts and a top (it was hhhhooootttttt)
Then we go to wimpy and then to the camping shop cause we needed tent pins then to a cod shop cause Dom wanted cds for her new radio (that hasn’t been put in yet)
Then we wonder around for a bout an hour looking for a fxxking shop that fits radios lol and then we wait another hour while it was getting done
Eventually we were on our way..
I slept some more then woke up and we were there at the entrance....
We are busy giving the guys our tickets and they are giving us condoms.... and then they say “you pretty ladies need a lot more” so they give us more and then ask for our phone number(black) so we speed off aaaarrrrrrgggghhhh oh and we got free chips too
Now we are driving around looking for the tent and we can’t see it so we phone Claudio and tell home to come and meet us.
We wait for about 5 mins and next minute we here this dronkie calling us hahahahaha OOOOPPPPPIIII KKKOOOOPPPPIII
He picks Tahnee up and twirls her around sits on doms lap in the front seat (driver seat) and showers her with love then goes cccccaaaaaaiiiiiittttt!!!! Lol
So we find the campsite eventually but no tent????
The poles for the tent are broke!!! Now we have no tent at all..... Now Claudio’s maaitjies (friends) were there Peter and his girl Sonja.
So it’s decided we will sleep in Peter’s tent and they will sleep in Claudio’s...
So we chill for the night and go watch a band then eat and then sleep nothing serious...
Well then did we hear the biggest fight between Sonja and peter swearing and shouting and swearing.... any ways too long of a story to tell
Saturday
We wake up with the mattress much lower to the ground than remembered I am on top of Tahnee squashing her cause all the air is on my side and none on Tahnee's side lol
She politely asked me to move....
We go get pizza and sit and watch Namuh- BRILLIANT and then we find a spot in the shad e and ask Dom and Claudio to get the blanket and some juice.... 1 hour later no Dom and Claudio so me and Tahnee said oh well and started to walk back.
Wwell Murphy’s law we bump into them on the way back so we go get juice and put everything away and walk back to the stage again!
We go and sit by the stage and get a shift more load of condoms yaaay, me and Tahnee then went for a shower... well I have never seen so much koek in my life... all the shower curtains are see through... very embarrassed .
We get all clean go back to the car put make up on and then go back to the stage we then watched a comedy thing then me and Tahnee fall asleep on the blankie and then when we wake up its like 5 we go back to the camp site and build a fire and sit and chat and laugh our asses off at peters Afrikaans dry abrupt humour... then I need a pee damn... too light for the bushes so we walk back to the stage area FML
When we get back, I pour my second bottle of cream soda and vodka..... I need to pee again this time its dark... so me and Tahnee find a lovely spot with bush in front and on each side and then a lovely view in front.... we get back to the tent and we eat and I pour my 3rd bottle of vodka and cream soda/ lemonade- I ran out
I drink it and I’m getting loud and I pee again lol
Pour my 4th bottle sho now we are going “oppi kopi” top of hill and there is awesome funk electrospher music and we dance and dance then I down Claudio’s drink now I am pissed and loud and dancing and Dom is really sick with stomach
Any ways so Tahnee and I scuttle off back to the tent don’t know why and I kick a big rock and floek (swear) my hear out then Tahnee asked me what’s wrong and I’m like nothing....my poor toe
Sunday
Wake up with sore toe head body and dry mouth feel like shit need food and juice and new head and toenail
Go have a smoke cringe at the sun and then everyone wakes up we go to the toilet then get breakfast ten go back to camp site to pack up and that takes a while then we leave and start driving we stop at a garage and I have such a headache I take pain killers
We stop at MacDonald wash our hand like 3 times to just get clean
Then drive and then stop at another garage after hitting a bump which stopped the music and turned the tazer alarm on in the back boot in a bag full of clothes- freaky
While Dom was turning it off her, underwear fell out the boot in front of everyone
So we finally made it back downloaded some photos then went home
We cleaned then unpacked then cleaned then rich came over then I fell asleep on his shoulder then he left and I went to bed
-o-
Both mails should be registered as lethal weapons it is filled with so many gut-wrenching fits of laughter. I still need surgery for the stomach muscles I pulled while reading it.
I tell you this is all my mother’s fault. She passed on her laughter to us and she sits in heaven watching us and throws a few giggles in just for fun. What an incredible woman and so full of humour!
She would catch us unawares every time with an unexpected comment and jibe and we would find ourselves sitting there with our mouths wide open flapping at her unexpected comment.
My girls most definitely have inherited her beauty and sense of ridiculous. I can still see her running next to my brother when he was five years old giving him encouragement while he was running the Egg and Spoon race. She was the most energetic mother and had calmness about her and people were drawn to her. However, it was wise to know that you never crossed her or disappointed her. You think my father who knew of her dynamite abilities would not have pushed her buttons or tempted her wrath!
When I was still in diapers, my mother had to attend a hockey match, as she was an extremely good hockey player. She left me in what she thought was the capable hands of my father.
He had a visitor over and they were playing chess. I must have been quite a handful. Not that I can remember it and most certainly do not believe it. Because in frustration he stapled my nappy to the floor and I sat there with all my toys surrounding me, as many bottles as he could make and carried on playing chess.
To say my mother was not impressed when she arrived home is an understatement. She was livid. She rescued me and sent my dad to bed.
He very sheepishly went off to bed and she never played hockey again. You would think my father had learnt his lesson. No not at all. Many years later, he promised he would look after my younger sister while my mother had to fetch my brother and I from our sports function.
He invited another buddy over and played the dreaded game of chess. Val, was not stapled to the floor or confined she was given free run of the house and whatever was available for her. My mother come home to a tidily little toddler who had been sipping their beers and you would think my dad noticed this little giggly girl bouncing off the passage walls.
This time he was not sent to bed, he was put on night duty and told to watch Val all night and he would be killed if he went to sleep and something terrible happened to Val.
My father did night duty and listened to Val signing all-night, laughing, and giggling and she had a real whopper of a time. He went to work the next day with matchsticks for eyes and he was really in the dog box with my mother. Val on the other hand slept peaceful all day and suffered no ill effects of her Party evening!
My sweet angelic mother. An angel on this earth would not have to raise her voice or even say anything. It was the Look that did it for me. It would reduce me to tears and I would do whatever it took to get back into her good books. I think the reason it was so devastating was because it happened so seldom.
I was 19 when she last used her “Look at Me” and she did ground me. At 19 an few months before my wedding date, she grounded me. I did not argue, I listened and waited for her to calm down. I had been out with my fiancée, he had consumed too much alcohol, and I would not let him drive so we stayed over at the friend’s house we were visiting. When he had slept some and had a few cups of coffee we returned home. Now why I did not telephone her is anyone’s guess. I just assumed she would be asleep and I did not want to wake her or my grumpy dad.
I walked into this “Where have you been, do you know what time it is and you are grounded young lady, you are not going to South Africa to watch the Grand Prix!” And stormed off to bed and I could hear her crying with relief. Children!!!! Why do we hurt our mothers?
I felt terrible and when she calmed down, I explained my side and she apologized for her outburst but I learnt my lesson, no matter what time it was – phone her and let her know I was all right and she would not stress.
Lessons learnt one my children are not so good at, they do not always let me know where they are and I have the knowledge that my mom received her revenge as I also had those sleepless nights!
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