Worries – Bumps and Scrapes and New Adventures

Worries – Bumps and Scrapes and New Adventures

I received some worrying news about my niece. My cousin’s child Shania, she is having test done on her heart as it beats three times faster than it should. It turns out this should have been picked up when she was still pregnant with Shania and the doctors have missed it for the last eleven years. Liesel feeling absolutely terrible and consumed with guilt now commented that Shania has often said her heart was beating fast when she came in from playing and did exactly what I would do “Well off course its racing you pumpkin, you have been running around like a hooligan. Sit down relax and it will go away. We have all done this some time on our lives to anyone who complains of a sore knee or whatever.

Well don’t do that and it won’t hurt, or lie down and the heart will stop beating so fast or the knee won’t hurt. Or don’t bend it like that and it won’t hurt. And guess what the pain goes away and we, as parents do not think further until a crisis actually happens. Like my wonderful friend, Brenda who complained for years that she felt a click in her hip when she walked. No doctor really bothered to look into it and it was explained away ‘as growing pains’. It was only years later that it was discovered that it was a tumour that had been growing for years and the result was horrible. Poor Brenda was very ill and is still suffering the effects of the treatment. Now I am not suggesting for a minute that we all become panicky when our children or family complain about a pain or a bruise – I am just sharing. I am the worst one there and my kids but for the Grace of God got through my – “its growing pains comments” or “well if you would just stop bumping into things or needing stitches (MATHEW!) Then you would not always feel so sore.” I need to remind dear Dom not to run up the stairs, as she was so depressed about her huge bruise on her shin!

I have to admit I am having a bit of a blue moment since my return from Johannesburg – Matt’s solution – stop being nostalgic mom! Nevertheless, I miss being great and dazzling the bosses and getting all the praise. I was telling Cait and Sarah about his compassion and wonderful supporting comment and they both replied HUH? Patiently, I explained what it meant to me –“Nostalgic – means longing for times gone past and not accepting that those times are over. Like I am seriously nostalgic for the days when my ass fitted into a size 8 pair of Jeans and when my body looked back at me in the mirror not at the floor!” Accepting that those times are over and never to return is my new goal!

I saw Matt while I was in JNB for all of 15 minutes. When we met with him, he delighted in rubbing my head as I was standing in a dip and he really towered over me. That is my story and I am sticking to it… G -- Forbid I have shrunk. I need all the height I can get. Cait and Sarah giggled along with him when he said, “Mom you are so short – can you actually see over the steering wheel? My response was – “yes actually I can and I have not even had to adjust the seat or have a pillow under my bottom.”
Well I have done this on the past I have to confess. Adrian owned this Camarro (sorry about the spelling all you car experts) and the seat was low and if I was on an incline on any sorts – just the slightest incline – a speed bump say or a gradual incline in the road - my foot would slip off the peddle as I pulled off – being pushed back into the racing seats. This car was seriously powerful and a pull off meant I flew off and then proceeded to bunny hop across the road. Anyone watching would have thought this car was powered like the Kit Car with Michael Knight, as you could not see me behind the wheel when I rocket off at take off. I hated that car because it made me feel like a child who was playing at driving their parent’s car! Back to Mathew and his abandoning his sweet mother - He works crazy hours so could not join us for dinner or visit us. I miss him, but surprises of surprises he communicates more now that he is away. Go figure. Any way I will have to get used to having no kids and be happy with my animals.

This is not so hard because my animals are more than enough to keep me entertained. Our new little addition who we are looking after until Sarah has her own place is a delight and so cute with it.

She has this really cute under bite and looks up at you with these smiling little white teeth. She is losing her baby teeth now- she has already lost two in our tug of war games. She is so damn cute- she looks like a slipper made of fur and lies so flat just like one of those toy dogs you put on the bottom of your bed. - Except this toy has sharp pin like teeth. Jinx is in love with her and she is totally taken with jinx. You can find her hanging onto jinx’s jowls, Jinx is so soft, and gentle she does nothing. Ginger Boy is also in love with this bundle of fur. He snuggles into the fur and searches for a nipple but has to content himself with lots and lots of fur, which he loves, as he gets cold.

The other night while I was in JNB Bern went to bed early, as it was so cold here, she pulled the duvet around her face and prayed for heat. Be careful what you pray for -Bern woke up at 1.00am and threw the blankets off her because she had 4 living hot water bottle cuddled up next to her. The kittens had decided it was much nicer to be under duvet. “Shew baby I was cooking and they had the audacity to give me a dirty look because I let the cold air in” was her comment to me.

One day I may just get my book published and we can get the animal rescue farm going. That would be perfect for me as I am already called the animal whisperer of SA lol. Mores like the animal pied piper as they now all follow me around. Going to the loo is quite intimidating -8 pairs of eyes watching you. Not to mention the fact that Tabby insists on sitting on me in the bath and drink the hot water. I have piercings where no person should have them and I am not into body piercing as I have a severe fear of needles.

I was never one who would go for acupuncture and Tabby has confirmed this for me. She is a bloody terror in the bathroom and I have had to fish her out the bath many a time and she is drenched and is a bundle of purrs. She just loves it. My fear is one day she will fall in when it is only hot water so I now close the door behind me to save her from herself. Mofo also loves the water but she just taps it and washes her face – clearly, she is dirty. Angel is my shadow and I have a hard time doing my work in the morning.

Angel has promoted herself to Secretary – the problem is she is a terrible Secretary. Her telephone skills leave a lot to be desired. The other day she stepped on the telephone, it beeped, and I thought this meant the phone needed to be charged. My boss was here from Cape Town and when I realized there line had gone dead I was quite annoyed. It had taken me long enough to become connected and now for no reason there was dead. I duly phoned Neotel to find out what the problem was only to be told that according to them there was nothing wrong with the line. “How can you tell me there is nothing wrong with the line when there is no dial tone, don’t tell me that I am sitting here using my cell phone to phone you and holding the dead phone in my hand! “I lamented. “This is ridiculous, I waited over a month for you to have the system installed and now you tell me there is nothing wrong with the line.” So I ‘slam’ the cell phone down and then phone my boss in Cape Town and ask him to deal with Neotel as I am fed up.

Cheryl and Bern ask me what is wrong when I walk outside where they are catching a few rays of sunshine as my face is like a thundercloud. I walk up and down, throw my hands up in desperation and frustration, and explain that the phone made a funny sound and then stopped working and now no one can phone me. I added as an after thought that Angel nearly died of fright when the phone beeped at her when she walked on it. Bern went inside (obviously - this was a mystery she was determined to solve) to see if I had checked all the plugs and in two bloody seconds flat had the phone working. I was not impressed – and threw a tantrum right there in front of my boss and told her I hate for being so bloody clever and what did she do?

With this huge grin on her face, she replied, “I simply pushed the on button and wow magically it worked!” I was ready to hit her and both she and Cheryl laughed at me and told me I am definitely technically challenged but who would have thought a simple telephone was beyond my extremely limited capabilities. I stood there with an expression of ‘Don’t go there’; and said, “How did you get it to come on show me!”

Very proudly and full of herself she simply pushed the ‘end’ button and it went peep and went dead, then pushed it again and it peeped and was on again. Well I blustered and mumbled and asked how the hell it happened and was going to blame ghosts and phantoms when I remembered that Angel had stood on the keys of the telephone and had switched it off. I did not phone my boss back in Cape Town and admit that I am stupid and did not know that the off button was also the on button, and there was no follow up call to Neotel to tell them the crisis was over. I just glared at Angel and told her she was fired! Angel disregarded my comment and she still lords over my desk.

She drapes herself on my arms and sits on my key board and the other day I was busy editing a very important e-mail to a client outlining procedures.

I was checking my spelling and use of our wonderful language when it disappeared. She had somehow pressed the mouse and it was sitting on the send button on the screen. Imagine my embarrassment when I realized this and had to ask my client to please ignore my mail – which I of course she would not. Who does that when they received a mail saying please ignore previous mail? We are too nosey not to try to find what is incorrect or what has been deleted or added. Like those quizzes where they ask you to spot the errors. Well that was my mail, full of errors and added letters as Angel stepped on the key board. Oh, my goodness I hope the client does not send this to my boss to show how unprofessional I am. My friend on the other hand would have sent it back to me highlighted and corrected it with a mark out of 10!

After finishing the edit and spell check, I duly sent the client the corrected version and she thankfully did not comment on my earlier one. How could I admit that my cat had actually sent it….falls into the category of “Teacher my dog ate my home work!” somehow this just does not cut it? “Sorry Audette, my cat sent the mail!” Who would believe a line like that but it is the absolute truth -My cat did send it.

Bern was trying to get her to leave me alone in between laughing aloud at my language that was spouting out my mouth. Angel won the battle she was in a very loving mood and would not leave me alone. It was like playing catches with this bundle of quickness and I swear she was giggling. I never have the work chair to myself and have now developed backache from sitting on the edge of my chair. And what do I get in return from my cats, extra piercings in my butt if I dare try and sit back just a little – so I have consoled myself with 3cm of chair to sit my ass on and hope they do not grow any bigger or that my ass grows any bigger.

Tabby and Angel believe the room that Bern’s mom is staying in is their playroom and mom now has to keep her doors closed. I mentioned previously how they destroyed her room in free abandonment that only kittens know how to enjoy. Very funny and cute until you have to reach under the bed for what they have secretly tucked away – only to be zapped by razor like claws for your effort of retrieving their prey. Mofo just climbs into her knitting bag and watches the circus.

Mommy kitty (Monster Cat) has totally turned her back on her babies now that they are big and she growls at them all the time. It’s quite disconcerting and I get upset with her, but she is still my Monster Kitty and she comes to me for love and warns them when they get too close – which usually means she digs her claws into me ready to spring on them. I am looking more and more like a pin cushion every day. Nevertheless, I do love them, love my animals, does it show?

My children also entertain me and they make me smile but I do not remember I time when I felt little prickles of “what the hell is going on” until last night. I was chatting to Matt on mixit and he was going on about everything and then asked me if I was going to be naughty? Now this is not a question a son ever asks his mom is it? I mean kids do not want to know if their parents are naughty. So I looked at my cell phone screen; went hmmmmm in my head and thought for a minute. “What do you mean by naughty Mat? He replied, “Why don’t we do it simultaneously” still have no idea what that means. Well I then said, “Matt who do you think you are talking to?”

“OH MY GOD – mom, ewwwwwww, I feel sick, I thought you were this new girl I met. I feel ill, oh, ewwwwwww. Sick sick sick.” I of course laughed and asked him what he has me saved as, and how on earth did he get me mixed up with one of his many girl fans. Mat apologized and did not know what to say – all he could manage was mom I am so sorry I hope I have not disappointed you again or hurt your feelings. I quickly explained that I was not upset or insulted and that he needed to tell me more about his new girl. Shew that was a close call – and under different circumstances I may have been able to find out what my boy is up to, but that was uncomfortable on so many levels.

Text messages and anything done electronically can get you into so much trouble without even knowing it. You cannot reach down the phone and retrieve your text, or un-send a mail you did not mean to send – or a Skype message declaring your love to the wrong Michelle as Bern did a few months ago. I received this panicked phone call from her when she was working for another company. “Babe I just sent the other Michelle a message on Skype and then realized it was not you and quickly removed it from the conversation. I hope she was not at her desk and did not get a chance to read it” She will really think I have lost my mind, as I have not spoken to her in months. Has she contacted you?” I laughed and told her not to worry because the chances were good that the other Michelle had not even arrived in the office. Turns out, I was right when the following day Bern got a message from her asking if she needed anything as she saw there was a removed message on Skype from Bern. Bern was very relieved and said it would have been a disaster if the other Michelle thought she was making declaration of love. I have to agree but it is still quite of funny.

That feeling of sudden heat overwhelming your body when you have sent a message to the wrong person, or accidentally copied someone in a mail that mentions them. I am sure somewhere we have all experienced this. Technology is not so wonderful is it? I had one of those moments a few days ago when I was explaining to my boss that we were not in the wrong when a delivery did not happen and that the client needs to take responsibility. They did not give the goods to us on time and there was no ways we were going to accept liability. I detailed why I believed we were being used as the scapegoat and pressed send. I then sat back and felt quite good about my mail and how well I had investigated the circumstances then I felt this sudden rush of heat, and the blood rushed to my head and I started shaking. I was absolutely convinced I had actually sent it to the client. It was a mad scramble to check the sent items and I shakily checked whom I actually sent the mail to. What a sigh of relief when I realized I had actually sent it to the right person. Imagine the consequences if I had sent it to the client.

I would most definitely have been fired. Telephones are no better, why is it that people assume that the call has ended and that it has actually been disconnected and start a conversation with someone in their offices telling them how much they dislike the person they had been speaking to and what a pain they are or how rude they are. This actually happened to Sarah last week.

She had just phoned one of her suppliers demanding Proof of Deliveries and had expressed a concern about their lack of communication and asked them to up their game. She duly said good-bye and clicked off. Now Sarah then picked up her phone to make another call and the line had not been disconnected on the other side. She sat there and listened to her supplier tell her office colleagues how horrid she was and how rude she was and even used the B word. Sarah tried to shout into the phone to get her to put her phone down on the hook but the conversation carried on so Sarah put her phone down after she realized that the supplier could not hear her. She then went to her boss’s office, dialed the supplier’s alternative number, and told this woman:

1. To close their account
2. To be very careful what she says about her
3. To check her phone before she starts talking about the very person she had been talking too
4. I heard everything you said, and believe me I am very happy to cancel our agreement with you based on your unprofessional manner and your boss will be advised of how inefficient you are.
5. So next time you want to say anything derogatory about a person you may have been talking to make sure you have actually disconnected the call.
6. There are consequences for every action we take and believe me they can come back and bite you in the ass.

This telephone ‘illness’ seems to run in the family; even my Cait is inclined to make a fool of herself. She was off ill and her boss Ruby telephoned her. He asked how she was feeling. She replied - all full of sniffles and flu that she had laryngitis-, which as we all know makes speaking very painful. Ruby response was that it was not so bad. Cait responded with “whatever” very respectful … not, so Ruby trying to be sympathetic answered “Shame you are Grumpy” to which Cait replied, “what do you think” Ruby then said goodbye and hung up quite taken aback by his sweet angelic Caity being so rude. Caity is not so easy to talk to when she is sick, but her best is talking to her Imports Manager one night when he phoned her from the Keg – now I have no reason why he felt he had to phone Cait when he was out jolling (out drinking with his buddies) – according to him they had a full on conversation.


Cait told him he was making it all up until he showed her his phone records. Giggle, he phoned Cait while she was sleeping and Cait can carry out a full on conversation and not remember a thing in the morning. She has no idea what they spoke about and he still teases her about what she said but he won’t tell he what it was about.


Technology the “miracle” of our times and the end of privacy. I have learnt to check and double check that the phone has actually disconnected as I had a similar situation when a client heard one of my colleagues moan about how she did not enjoy the appointment with them.

She went on to discuss how unprofessional they were by not removing the dogs from the meeting . These great big dogs insisted on sitting on my lap and one of them drooled right into her designer shoes. The client just sat there and watched and eventually we had to ask for a cloth to wipe the drool off her pants and scoop it out of her shoe. Not a pleasant meeting that is for sure.

They over heard the conversation as I had just telephoned them to ask them to open the security gate to let us out of the business complex and my cell phone had not disconnected. Needless to say, I received a phone call from the client and it was not pleasant having to explain that the dogs drooling on my colleagues during a meeting was quite uncomfortable and that not all people are Dog people. Well we lost that account – no surprise there.

I then had the wonderful responsibility of having to explain to my head office why we had lost the account and expected a bit of a telling off; however, my boss said, “these things happen and don’t stress about it.”

I make sure my animals are locked away if we have business meetings and even though I absolutely adore animals – there is a time and place for everything. Not everyone shares my love of animals or the fact that you are covered in fur by the time you have left their home.

Now my challenge for the next two months is not to stress and to motivate the Durban clients to sign on and give Bern so much work that we need a CSD person and I will need an assistant to control my appointment and make more for me. Well the Bern side will happen but me having an assistant…. Not going to happen. In the meantime, I will keep myself busy with dodging cats and Dogs and make sure that when I am working Angel is nowhere to be seen. More importantly, I will double check who I send mails to and that my phone has in fact disconnected.