Empty Nest Syndrome and Being Hooray!

Empty Nest Syndrome and Being Hooray!


My son Matt advised me yesterday that he is flying the Coup AGAIN. Oh, be still my shattered heart.

I am of course very happy for him as he has a wonderful opportunity to grow his career and have a busy life in Johannesburg. So please do not get me wrong I am proud of him and thrilled for him but not so much for me.

I have been through this with my other two children. Sarah swore she would only leave our home when she was 45 years old.. Imagine her surprise when Bern and I moved to Durban. As Bern tells it, when we heard that Sarah was only leaving our home at the sweet age of 45 we decided to take drastic measures. Sarah was not impressed…. Truth be told Durban was not our escape it was a necessity work wise and I miss Sarah tremendously.

When we told the family, we were moving Matt was still in Ireland so he was not a consideration at the time, but Cait was horrified as she had just met her “Man” and was totally besotted and as we all know long distance relationships are not easy. Cait begged and pleaded to stay in Johannesburg but I put my foot down (my big size 4 foot) and told her that until she was 18 she was coming with me. She made sure that she understood me and when she turned 18 later four months later she promptly moved to Johannesburg within a week of turning 18. LOL – now that was funny. Literally left as soon as she was 18. Ok, ok, it just worked out that way as she was offered this great Position in Johannesburg which would mould her career and give her opportunities that were not available in Durban and let’s not forget – Johannesburg had Richard and Durban had this mom who showed clients her letters to Richard and a photo of her in her bikini totally by mistake. (Remember I mentioned it in a previous blog) No wonder she wanted to leave home – who knew what I was capable of next. I will have to consult my many personalities before I can answer that question.

We arrived in Durban in March 2010 on the day of a Freak storm that soaked our furniture and electrical goods. Our fridge refused to work for one day and this was an indication of worse things to come. This should have been our cue for not moving into the house of horrors in Waterfall - But what did we know, the house was lovely and the garden spectacular and everything seemed great and calm on the surface. Boy were we wrong. The landlady was possessed by demons of every kind – a real psycho b…ch. I tell you I was too scared to go home alone, as she was really dangerous. It even got so bad I had to alert the security company to be on standby in case she and her deranged husband decided to make an appearance. Long story short they did not pay their rates and taxes and we kept on having our electricity switched off and bills or such huge amounts we were bankrupted every time we paid for re-connection. It escalated until we refused to pay the rates and taxes and it became a real bun fight with threats of bodily harm to us and lawyers and bully tactics. We moved out before the lease was up and it was such a relief.

Settling in Durban was quite a task for me but I soon got into the swing of things and had to accept that my hair would never be the same as the humidity and my hair had become best friends or mortal enemies, still now sure which one, but they are now married and like any marriage have their difference of opinions. The humidity always wins and from long hair, which behaved in Johannesburg, I now have short hair that still misbehaves but does not take hours to do. One must compromise in a marriage – or so I have been told…. Seems like I was the one doing all the compromises in my past marriages- Any way I digress. (AGAIN – nothing new there)

We were in Durban for less than two weeks when Caity decided she needed to go and visit Rich and she left us for 3 weeks. In that time her Kitten who was just 7 weeks old (Monster Kitty) decided she preferred our room and the terrorize tactics started and Kitty took over the world and we were her hostages. Remembering we thought she was a HE with small private parts. Boy were we deceived - a year and a half later she decided, not only was she not a Dog as she was convinced she was Dog and barked and growled with our dogs – she also decided to have a secret sex change or maybe just decided hey I am a lady and therefore I need to be “Easy” and service the neighbourhood and as you all know blessed us with 5 kittens.

So Monster Kitty was shattered by Cait’s perceived abandonment and that is why she is a traumatized terror on four legs – and lucky me – I am now her slave. Cats do not have owners – they have slaves. Think about it, we are in fact slaves to our animals – willing slaves; but slaves nonetheless. We feed them, clean up after them, take them to the vets – hang on a see a pattern emerging here… scratch the slave comment - we are their mothers. Yes mothers do all of that, clean up after their children, run around for them and after them, feed them, wash for them  and sometimes are tempted to take them to the VET as they can also behave like animals.. only kidding…oh hell I am destined to be a working mom until the day I die. … Hmmm actually not such a bad thing – I kind of adore being a mom – not that it shows of course. This crying when my children leave to return to Johannesburg or leave my home for good is actually just an eye leash that has been caught in my eye and the sobs and wailing is simply the hiccups gone wrong! That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.

Cait finally returned from Johannesburg and was most upset that Monster Kitty had decided she was now simply part of the family and no longer her caregiver. We settled into a routine here in Durban. I was the animal’s toy and caregiver. I suppose I still am, Cait came to work for me after begging me to let her go to Johannesburg but as I said I was adamant, she would not leave until she was 18. Well when Caity left, I was of course a blithering crying idiot. Pretty much like I was when I bade Sarah goodbye when we left Johannesburg and all I had to hold onto was my Son Matt. Now Matt is a typical son in the showing affection category to his mother. I get a lot of “You to Mom” when I tell him I love him – that is if I am lucky enough to get a response. I get my hair ruffled quite often and a lot of “Oh mom, get a life” when I have one of my many moments.

So imagine my surprise when I woke him on his birthday and wished him happy birthday last month and he told me he loved me. I thought I was dreaming, or possibly having an episode all on my own. I got such a fright I looked at him in shock and was too scared to ask him to repeat it in case it was the voices in my head talking to me again. He then surprised me a little later by telling me I was an awesome mom and a super star. Now I knew Matt was not feeling well or possibly he had been possessed – not by the demons that took over my ex –landlady, but by angles that had decided to soften his manly need to keep his feelings to himself. Oh those moments are precious and so far and few between until last night.

We were discussing his move to Johannesburg and I commented that he was my last little fledgling to leave the nest. He looked up at me with his big Green eyes and sad expression and said “Yes  I am leaving again, I am sorry mom” well that was me finished in a split second. I melted and had to turn away so he could not see the tear in my eye, these damn eyelashes that keep in falling onto my eye and cause me to tear up. I really need to have them removed or maybe consider that tear duct replacement I need so badly. I  then turned and looked at him and told him I was really very proud of him and he would be successful and he had the opportunity to take control of his destiny. Then I very gracefully left the lounge – well it was graceful until I reached the passage and I lent against the wall and held my breath so the sobs would not escape. Yes those silly hiccups hit me unexpectedly but I managed to swallow back the “hiccups” and pulled myself together and reminded myself that I have my Bern and my wonderful crazy animals to keep my busy. Bern knows I am struggling and she will be there when I have that big hiccup attack, but I will let go of my last “bird” and be proud of him and wish him well. I have done the best I can do for my children. Sure, I have made some terrible mistakes and have many regrets, but I hope what I have managed to do for my children is enough for them to achieve the great heights they are destined to achieve and I am so proud of them…

Ok ok, I get a bit carried away, you can switch off the violin music in the back ground and stop reaching for tissues and psychic drugs for me- Please don’t worry, I will be okay, this too I will overcome…ha ha. Well first things first, I will have to have a party and claim Matt's room and keep telling myself that I am all right - I am all right  maybe i will believe it eventually– but as you all know by now if you have been following my blogs, I am far from Well – but I sure have a laugh and a good time NOT BEING WELL.

This brings me to my next topic. Moms and Granny June and Hooray.

The other day Bern was in Ladysmith running the branch there when she sent me a text. It was in response to a question about how things were going there and how was she doing - she sent me this message

“Only one sleep left OH HORNY” I looked at the text, smiled and chortled at her brazen admitting of her TRUE FEELINGS, and then read her next text, which followed very quickly “That was meant to be Hooray! The predictive text decided it was supposed to read HORNY”

I BUSRT OUT LAUGHING AND REPLIED “Yeah Yeah, I believe you…. See even your phone knows you well! Don’t kid a kidder”

Bern sat in Ladysmith laughing to herself at her ‘phopah’ and thought this was very funny and the guest house owners came through to the Bar area to see if she was ok. Very funny. So now it is called Hooray! That is our code word.

We need to teach this to Granny June as she has decided after watching House the TV series about this doctor that she may have some Hooray Times Ahead of her at 81!

This is what happened. We watched House the Doc last night and it had an 83-year-old Horny (Hooray) Lady who was suffering from Syphilis from when she was a teenager that had re-occurred and it had affected her brain and she was young at heart. Horny as hell and refused to get it treated because she liked feeling young. So mom said we must keep an eye on her, she has two years before she has to watch herself and the young men had better watch out. Hahahaha. She said her adcodol (headache pills) would suddenly look quite different. She is so adorable.

She has such a sense of humour. Mom June can really teach us a thing or two about laughing at life even though serene nature hides it sometimes. You do not expect her to say she is going to be this raging horny woman -I just cannot picture it .

Carol, Mom June’s daughter comment “Hope she doesn’t get Alzheimer’s and forget how horny she is LOL”

So let’s hope we all have a Hooray day and that Life gives us the strength to face the goodbyes and a giggle to cope with the events ahead. I know I am going to need a few laughs to face the Hiccups and eyelashes that make my eyes tear up.

I will be keeping an Eye on Granny June and if she asks for a change of medication I will know that the "Hooray" days are here.