I am pleased to announce we have a new member to our Mad Hatter family and it looks like he will fit in nicely. Well I do not think François has much of a choice. It’s kind of a fit in or fly off situation in my little Zoo Family.
I am busy chatting to my Cait on Skype and we are exchanging those family quirks we all have. You know those words we have picked up through the years that have us giggling at the memory it conjures. I believe I have the best family in the world and we are all a little bit ODD but hey "We love it here"
Well now, François has a few memories of his own after meeting us - he may need therapy and he had better not send me the bill!. He duly arrived on Thursday night to meet his new mom-out-law (me). Now you have to understand my girls have built me up so much for him with comments like
“You gonna love her”(understandable - who does not love me? and if there are people who don't - well then its their loss)
“She is so cute (a word that they use often to describe me and I do not think I am so cute!)
“Mom is very funny” (another word that I do not think describes me – I don’t meant to be funny it just happens)
“Mom is very liberal and open” (which means mom is a crazy person and any topic goes now this is kind of true as I have always been one to answer any question thrown at me – and you can imagine how much trouble this has gotten me into)
“Mom takes no nonsense” (giving the impression that I am this strict person – which I really am not) Cait delighted in telling me this last week that "Mom no offense but you are a push over and Bern is the one we cannot get away with anything!"
“Mom is so easy” (hey steady on, not in that sense of the word – easy as in I go with the flow – not flow into anyone’s arms…. Really, I do have morals.)
“Mom will love you – but Bern…… she will 'suss' you out and then decide” (this is true about Bern but I am not such a push over ; ok ok, maybe I am because I trust too easily.)I could go on and on, however I need to add, the description they use to describe me often is “Cute and short - Hobbit in high shoes!" (shortness is not a disease people its a gift! - one i seem to have perfected)
So with all this being said to François - he was rather trepaditious about meeting this awesome, cute, funny, easy, no nonsense, open, hobbit with wild hair.
At least he did not say he was expecting me to be BIG! Just like one of Cait’s work colleagues. When he met me – he turned to Cait and said, "Your mom is not big, she is tiny". Thanks my Chickie-Dee. Is that how you see me? She was quite annoyed with him and told him he was an idiot- : “I never said my mom was big…Assssss”. Lol. Well after tearing shreds off him, it turns out she had said I will take on anyone who has hurt her children – true – and he took this to be “I am big and Butch and quite menacing. I of course harped on the fact that Cait described me as big and woe is me, I am fat and huge and need a serious body reconstruction. I do love to tease them and watch as they fall over themselves trying to re-assure me that I am so gorgeous, and not fat and wonderful etc etc. until I can’t help myself I add – but BIG.
I was not at my best when I met François as I mentioned earlier because I had this very huge headache and I think first impressions last. Hahaha so let me set the record straight – I am not a stoner… I had a headache and had taken a few headache pills. I do know how to complete a sentence without commenting on the pretty colours – I do not always ask ‘risqué’ questions – yes I am possessed by little bad angel who whispers in my ear telling me to misbehave. Moreover, I wonder why my children were so mischievous as children…. Well my mother did warn me that my children would be 10 times worse than me. Thanks for that mom, you know what you say on earth is bound in heaven. Could you not have wished that they would be as well behaved as I was?
I am not going to offer an excuse for how the situations get out of hand when I am around. What is the point – trouble finds me and giggles follow and embarrassment follows too. However, I am not the only one that this happens to.
We always tease Cait and Sarah that one day they may also hop over the fence so to speak. They set themselves up with comments to our friend Shane who is drop dead gorgeous: “If I ever decided to cross over – I would so do you!” This of course embarrasses Shane no end. The other night Cait declared that it would never happen because she likes (well the male part) and could never cross over so Shane said that cool “I have 10 of them!” Very funny and of course, we all laughed and giggled. This happened when it was only us girls on Wednesday not when François was there. So relax people, we do try and behave when there are men in our company. I love the freedom my girls have with me, they way they are so comfortable to talk about anything. I encourage it because I come from the era where you never talked openly with your mother and that created a bit of a rift. As I said earlier – anything goes if you want to talk about it…but not anything goes if you want to do it… there are boundaries there.
Cait did challenge Sarah though as said she would be the first one to hop over the fence and when François arrived, Cait and he had a bet on whether Sarah would, "Jump the fence" François was adamant she would not and Cait was teasing him and goading him. "OH but she will - my mom did and she takes after my mom!" Now let me set the record straight - I never jumped over anything or tripped over anything - I met my soul mate who happens to be a woman!" My wish is my girls also are so lucky to meet their soul mate and not to have to kiss so many "frogs" before it happens...lol. The weekend at Port Edward certainly was interesting - only teasing - the picture is quite innocent -or so I am told!
On that particular Wednesday night, I was sending Bern texts and was telling her what we had for dinner as they had a power failure and she was complaining about having to go and get Steers and how disappointing it was. So I sent the text “we having moce and pasta”
Then I read what I had written, well kind of because I replied, “I mean Mice” Bern replied ewwwwwww, Mice, so I read her message and said yes mice what is your problem? Only to realize I meant to type MINCE!” That was me finished. I could not stop laughing and I tried to tell the girls what I had just sent but was giggling too much. This happened on the same night that I had taken the migraine bomb and Dom had decided act out the actions for her injury on her shin. I was over tired, had this raging headache, and was feeling the effects of the migraine bomb so everything was extremely funny. I get like that, as I mentioned before when I am over tired – and my girls giggle along with me.
Back to Thursday – so François walks in and gives me this huge big all engulfing hug and then picks me and twirls me around because he is much taller than me – yes, as are most adults. I have a competition with children who tell me they are taller than me and I tell them, tall means stupid. Hahaha…. Well I have to try to boost my ego somehow. I am always staring into peoples chests or in some cases when they are very tall, their belly buttons. This really has happened to me. A month ago, I had to go and meet a new client. I drive up his very long driveway after he was reluctant to let me in into their complex as he works from home, because he had no idea who I was or what I was there for.
The drive way was one of those very steep driveways and has no place to turn and I am already in a panic because there is no ways I am going to be able to reverse down the winding twisty steep drive way. I have visions of destroying their very manicured flowerbeds and ripping up their perfectly designed paving. I forget all about professionalism. Get out my car to meet this client…. And look up and up and up. I was staring at his belly button. Talk about being intimidated. So do I say hello My Name is Michelle from ACT World Wide Couriers, nice to meet you? No, I say "Hello my name is Michelle and oh, my God you are tall and I am not an alcoholic… trust me". He looks down and I mean down at me and ………………….ruffles my hair. Then he adds – "you are so cute – but who are you and why are you here." I look up at him and think he is insane, as I have just phoned his offices to tell them I am coming through and explain I spoke to Trudy about coming through to introduce myself.
Rene burst out laughing and says well you have quite long journey ahead of you as she is based in Cape Town. Well thanks for that, these 0861 numbers do not reveal where you are actually phoning. Rene thought it was very funny. So there I stood with my hands on my hips in his drive way parked outside his garage and hand him his waybills and instruct him to reverse my car as I was leaving.
Rene climbs into my car – not taking into consideration that the seat is literally on the steering wheel, he sits there jammed in, and I watch on in glee. His knees are sitting by his ears and there is no ways I am going to help him and pull the release on the chair to give him the opportunity to push the chair back. There ain't no ways I am reaching into to lean over him and smother him with my ample bosom to reach down between his legs…. Not in a million years….. Forget it… the “Whatever it takes for business” does not apply here. I watch Rene as he looks for the latch to release the chair and I offer no help, as I am unable to talk. I am holding back my laughter as this would not have been polite. After all, I have just told this man to move my car for me.
Rene finally finds the latch and I have visions of my seat being pushed right out of its rails as it shoots back as I am parked on an incline. I had visions of me sitting on my back seat trying to reach the car peddles. No matter how much I try, I have not been able to lengthen my legs. Rene starts my car, pulls into his garage, then turns the wheel and reverses out up the incline – gets out and hands me my keys. I COULD HAVE DONE THAT DAMIT! I exclaim and smile at him, wave goodbye and drive off like Minnie Mouse in my car and do not look back. Well I did look in my review mirror and there was this giant of a man leaning on his big 4 x 4 vehicle having a good chortle at my expense. Well I have not been to see him again, and I told him he would have to come to our offices next time. Jeeeeze! - He was tall, talk about intimidation in size 14 feet. Yes, I did manage to ascertain what his feet size were as he laughed at how close the seat was to the steering wheel and I said well my feet are smaller than yours are. (What that has to do with the price of cheese is anyone guess)I have no excuses…. My mouth just runs away from me when I feel intimidated.
I keep on getting side tracked – François is swinging me like a rag doll and squashing the air out of me and I have a thing for heights. The minute my feet are off the ground my fear kicks in. So I hug him back and finally (phew) he puts me back down on mother earth. Then he commits the worst sin of all he tucks me under his arm and says, "Awwww you are so cute. "How to win over your future mother in law in one sentence. Actually, I felt quite safe tucked under his arm and welcomed. My Matty does that to me – but he adds “Mom you could be my roll on deodorant!”
François fitted in perfectly, he was asked the required embarrassing questions, and I did add that it is customary to meet the parents before you become intimate with the daughter. Lol – "Common MOM who does that these days” was Sarah’s response. Well I am at least grateful I met him before they ran away to elope. Hint hint – elope it’s so much cheaper. I did tell them both that I need to be a grandmother while I am still young enough to enjoy them – now that was no hint – that is an order! We did tease him a lot, poor François took it like a trooper, and I am sure the comments about not being able to bend like a pretzel had him confused... that was Cait - not me! Information over load I think
Here is hoping that Francois' introduction to our hooligan family has not scared him off as he is in for more especially when he meets THE BROTHER and the other MOM…….OOOOOOH SUSANNNNNNN! (This means scary from one of those animated movies!) Meeting my family is not for the timid or serene – so be prepared François the best is still to come….. we will enjoy a few games of “Kings” with you! Giggle.
No comments:
Post a Comment