Out with the Old - In with the New

Out with the old and in with the New

Ever had one of those years where you breathe the biggest sigh of relief because it's finally over.....well amongst a few expletives and my sigh I finally said goodbye to 2009, but to be fair there have been some really wonderful times and old friends found and new friendships formed. Obviously it couldn't have all been bad or the insane asylum would have been my next stop!!!

Ever had that feeling that you could actually go out and hire a hit man, it dawns on you why people do it, that nagging, stalking, harassing woman....she calls herself the 'landlady' but is really a psycho and definitely must have escaped from some hell hole!!! Well.....a hitman might have done nicely.....I'm not a violent person tho....and...oh well she's still lurking!! We ended up without electricity from the 19th December (you really don't want to know the saga behind the drama of how the witch got that right - dinner by candle light is very nice but not so much the cold showers huh?) so our well laid plans for a family Christmas were drastically altered at the last minute which turned out to be a blessing as we had the most wonderful Christmas in Johannesburg.

I have mentioned Bern’s sister Annabelle who is such a great person and whom we all adore. Christmas day was in no way traditional, well as traditional as it can get in Africa..... we had a family braai because our decision to go to Johannesburg was made so very last minute and my poor beautiful Sarah had got her dates mixed up for her flight to us in Durban. Shame poor girl thinks Christmas is in November.....mmm I mentioned she is beautiful so this, hopefully, will help her in years to come! But please please someone explain to Sarah that Christmas is in December, on the 25th, the same day every year and that it has been for more than 2000 years!!!

We had a really lovely lunch and then it came time for dessert. The ice-cream was taken out the fridge and bowls and spoons readily and excitedly placed on the table outside.I opened the ice cream container, armed and ready with spoon in hand to serve, the chocolate and caramel sauce nicely defrosted...... and there it was in all it's green glory...... frozen Green Pea soup!!!!! And if you remember one of my earlier blogs about Annabelle’s soup well, you will understand our reluctance to have a repeat performance!! So this was all we needed to contribute to the already free flowing laughter around the table. It had been a very hot day and we were all looking forward to having Ice cream – but alas it was not to be – "frozen green soup with caramel and chocolate sauce anyone??"......don't think so....In true Annabelle style she just blushed and roared with laughter.

This short holiday was not without injury, we had some serious stomach muscle bruising as we laughed our way through the festive season!! And it is in no way over.....I have more......We were sitting outside being entertained by Sarah and Dom, as usual, when suddenly poor ole Dom, who had been sitting quite comfortably, chatting away, just completely disappeared from sight......the wooden chair had disintergrated and there she was now, on the floor!!! Unlike anyone in our family she never made a sound... just sat there with her mouth hanging open in complete surprise, her eyes like saucers and a look of horror. One minute she was there & we were chatting to her about belly dancing or something along those lines, the next.....gone....... lying flat on the floor!! She stood up with as much grace and dignity as she could muster and said..... “I have found a new saying and I have not really had much opportunity to use it, but this is one of those times when it fits perfectly.” With a serious face, she threw her hands up and said "F%^$# MY LIFE!"

Well......that was it......nothing more could be said...all that could be heard was the gut wrenching, raucous laughter that comes from the toes and makes your eyes leak!!!! It was only after we had dried the tears of laughter and found a modicum of composure that we saw both Bern and Dom had been hit by the flying shrapnel from the wood as it shattered from a weak spot in the wood. Thank goodness no one was seriously hurt or we may have deteriorated into that reflex laughter.....again!!! Why is that we laugh when we see someone injure themselves or the possibility of injury?? It’s seems quite unsympathetic but it's totally uncontrollable & we burst into hysterical nervous laughter......so my apologies Dom, but your disappearing act under the table was very comical and what made it even funnier for me was that it was you and not me under the table for a change!!! Yes......for a change.....normally, I'm the not always intended clown!!

On our return to Durban, we still had to pack up the house and move into our new place. Typical of my Michelle Life style - in which havoc reigns supreme.... and in our apparent wisdom (no comments from the peanut gallery please)thinking ahead and all that we packed our clothing the day before the move and decided we were going to sleep in the new house on a futon mattress.......well now let me tell you, at my age and I'm not that old..... shut up you lot... should I be sleeping on the floor....ever!!!! And I have to apologize profusely to all my guests who have ever had to sleep on that horrible, awful mattress. The lumps and bumps and an unforgiving, very flat, hard floor made sleep next to impossible and very very painful!!!! I'm sure I aged.....a bit.....overnight!!!...... I heard that people!!!

We arrived at the house, and asked the security company to meet us to change the alarm codes etc as the ear piercing scream from the alarm prevented us from entering the house, while they were there our friends came along to help us move in. Just our luck it was one of the hottest days I have ever experienced since we moved to Durban, in total contrast to the day we moved into the House from Hell last year with the wicked witch & her broom stick, on that particular day, 28th February 2009, Durban experienced the worst down pours in its history. We should have known with such an auspicious start to our new life in Durban that things could only but get worse!!!! Hubble bubble......yup more storms were a brewing........

So moving into our new home........as I said Caz and Allan were there to help us move in......excitment, anticipation and then.......ever gone to the tap desperate to wash your hands or face and there's just......nothing....you shake the tap, shout at it, call it names, then think you've gone mad and turned it the wrong way so start again.....but still......nothing!!! Now, when we arrived at the house, to be fair, something did look a little odd and out of place, there was a chair against the wall in the open garage area, dirty hand prints on the wall and pieces of plastic lying on the floor, sort of a give away and I just knew that something odd had been going on but had no idea what..... the house did not seem to have been broken into but it was apparent that someone had gone through the rubbish left by the previous tenants because it was strewn all over the back garden area. So you know that niggly, hair standing up on the back of the neck feeling you get but don't quite know why? The taps and lack of water were a bit of a give away but not an obvious one as it could have been the main water switch.....but nothing is ever that easy in my chaotic life!!!

Anyway in our search for what we thought was the obvious problem the security company very kindly (tongue in cheek obviously)pointed out there were no water pipes attached to the wall......yes they had been stolen!!!! Sigh! Very frustrating and quite unnerving to say the least – let’s hope that this...finally... ended 2009! We duly notified the estate agent and the land lord and they were amazing, the plumber came to give us a quote the following day. That evening tho, I think we shocked our neighbours when we decided to bath in the pool, shampoos, soap and squeegee in hand we rinsed off the day’s woes and smells......we felt better not sure if the neighbors will ever recover......but hey....time passes!!

A very nice guy called Chris was the visiting plumber who f promptly fell in love with Monster and asked what gender the cat was to which I replied that we had no clue as ginger cats we were told are male cats but this one is missing the obvious appendages for it to be a male, and on the other hand he/she was over a year old and had not come into season so we were quite baffled. He unceremoniously picked Monster up and did an inspection, blew on the private area to move the fur….. Now; now people! ..... Not in a disgusting way, and declared that Monster is indeed a girl and that he also had a Ginger Pussy.

Well I nearly collapsed on the floor in absolute hysterics and thought this cannot get any funnier. I was wrong!!.....He left, not really understanding my inability to finish a sentence after he blew on my Cat and I sms'd Bern to tell her the plumber had been here and he was also quite helpful with Monster. I typed very quickly, pressed send and off the message went. Bern replied and I was a little puzzled at her response.

“You really need to check your messages before you send them, this predictive text thing is just not working for you.” To which I replied. “No need to be rude, it was a simple message - how on earth could it be misinterpreted” That was until I read what I sent. Here it is…. This is what I sent to Bern about the plumber!

“And kitty is a girl. The plumber clearly loop about pipes lol. He has a inher pussy too and she has had loads of kittens” Now you try and work out what I was trying to say. No wonder Bern was baffled and horrified at the same time by my message.

Welcome to 2010, let’s make it a good one. Translation for those of you who have not been able to do it;

“And Kitty is a girl. The plumber clearly knows about pipes lol. He has a ginger pussy too and she has had loads of kittens”