FUNNY MOMENTS ON SKYPE and Heat Waves

Last week I was chatting to my cousin on Skype and she had just read the Doom story that my wonderful mother had used instead of underarm deo. After wiping the tears out of her eyes we started reminiscing about family and the fact that we are all rather strange and it can’t be the gene pool as we have different mums!!! And most definitely not the same fathers. So we decided that somehow one of us is adopted or one of us was left in the cabbage garden.

Message from Ronelle last week
Ronelle :“ I think you are right……………………….but actually, I think as I am the SANE, NORMAL one in the family, I must be ADOPTED !!!!
Ronelle: well, this sane one has just thrown her entire bottle of water at herself! Lid came off! bliksem, now me all wet!
Michelle: ha ha wet t-shirt
Michelle: competition here we come.

Her response was no not her T-shirt that was wet but her pants …. And of course the conversation went pear shaped from there. I teased that it must be new experience for her, so she said she needed a bloody turbo vacuum… “Can you just see me” was her comment ….well that was me finished. I nearly fell off my chair and explained that I visualize everything and thanks very much, but that image of my cousin was one that I now need to go and wash out my eyes with turpentine. Thanks for that Cuz, you are most definitely high up there on the freak meter. But then I know we are related, my girls also seem to come up with the best Skype messages. This is one I got today from Sarah, all about her wonderful dilly sister Cait and her not so sane client.

Sarah: I say to Cait if our flat is burning down what will you grab?
Sarah: so she says her handbag
Sarah: no wait her clothes
Michelle: ha hahahaha
Sarah: then she says damit I’ll be dead, I’ll just go down with the flat
[Michelle: well are you surprised
Sarah: hahahahahahahaha
Michelle: you would grab your cell
Sarah: u r smart it’s like you made me hahahahaha
Michelle: ITS LIKE I KNOW!
Sarah: hahahahahaha f%&^ she is being an ass today
“I told her a lady bug was in my flat this morning and she said I must be careful coz it wants to put spots on me and make me into a giant lady bird so they can take over the world and they will bite you hum hum hum (biting noise)”

Well I want what Cait had for breakfast and please give me a second helping of that too.
Then Sarah gets this Skype form a client
They are discussing their day
Client: At least yours is going quickly!!! Mine is dragging................... and every time the phone rings, it feels like someone is throwing daggers at my head!!!

I always Over Sleep........ Always late!!!
Sarah: Hahahahaha That’s funny ass shit

I wish I could over sleep!!!
Client : Ha,ha!! I wish I could wake up on time man.... I wouldn't have to get dressed in the car while clients are calling me on my cell!! It sucks!!!
Sarah: Now that’s frikken funny, how the hell do you manage that hahahahahaha you must be an absolute sight in traffic LMFAO
Client: I'm not gonna lie...... I do turn a couple of heads! It's just a pity it's usually old men or taxi drivers heads though!!! Whahaha!
Life is too damn serious and this is what breaks my day up into crazy and hilarious. We have already established that I most definitely do not have a normal life. And this weekend is a really good example of that.

I think that saying Hell will freeze over if I have a normal day will definitely apply in my life, but this weekend it would have been a nice break from the HEAT if Hell did freeze over. Oh my goodness, I was not warned about the Durban weather this time of the year. So like a tourist we went off to the beach on Saturday. Matt with his surf board, me with my ugly grey clog things and Bern with sensible shoes and a booby top! Yes I own one of those. (What was I thinking?)

We walked, or should I say "panted" on the beach. The sun beating down on our heads, eventually we sit to watch Matt and his buddy surf, and fall and nearly drown. I sit there like the proud mother and feel my heart in my throat. I swear I hold my breath with him when I see him dumped. An hour and a half later he drags himself out the sea and we go home. It is only in the car when I see what an idiot I have been..... Well a little more than usual. I put my feet up on the dash board of the car (yes I know…keep your comments to yourself.. but I always do) and I look at my feet. One is the colour of a red tomato and the other white as they day it was given to me by the foot fairy. How did I get that right?

Then I look at my chest. I have a perfect V! And I have the perfect t-shirt tan. Oh and this week I am seeing new clients so how do you hide this fiasco of my day in the sun….. Red nose, red ears. 1 red foot which means I can’t wear a shoe and my blooming red neck like a Christmas turkey. Oh my Life. Dom thanks for that saying F My Life works so well for me right now and thanks to Bern I have now picked up the damn summer flu so I have this wonderful summer tan as if I was a puzzle, I can put Rudolph to shame with my red nose. My eyes are still bleeding from trying to get the image of my cousin out of it, and I have a runny nose, and a perfect red v on my now very sore and flu chest. OH WHAT A great start to the week. I think I need to find that ARK soon or I am sure the lunatic asylum will be looking for me soon.

And the madness doesn’t end there, on Sunday the HEAT WAVE continued, why do we call it a wave, a wave is an indication of fun or hello or hi, I was the wilted flower in the desert and I think the bottle of red wine from the night before effected what little brain cells I had left. So I dragged myself to the pool telling Bern we need to put out feet in the pool. The dogs thought we were insane…an hour later we were still in the pool, clothes and all. It was just too much effort to go grab our costumes and we made sure the dogs were drenched by the time we finished just like school kids!!

But it was fun and then I had to ask Matt for a towel. He met me at the door and looked at his drowned rat of a mother whose clothes were clinging to her most fetchingly (NOT) and he shook his head and told me I was REALLY SPECIAL and we all know he meant that in not the nicest polite way. I didn’t care, we walked into the house leaving a wet trail behind us and fell exhausted on the bed and hoped the HEAT WAVE WOULD BREAK. But it was not to be ....midnight Bern and I did a repeat trip to the pool in our pj’s but this time we just stood on the pool up to our shorts. This had better break soon; I don’t think my weary old body can take much more. My neighbours I am sure have the asylum on speed dial.

Thank goodness for air conditioners in the office. However the weather is supposed to be storms this week, let's hope that is not an indication of my week or my year head!