Mishaps in the office

It's one thing to have a streaming nose but quite another to have a toilet roll streamer across the office....mmm I dropped the toilet roll I got to blow my nose.......
[2:00:33 PM] Bernadette Brooks: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck
[2:00:44 PM] Bernadette Brooks: it's as bad as playing 52 pick up



This is the Skype I got from Bern yesterday. She's picked up summer flu and is feeling awful, needless to say she's not in the best of moods! The animals and their antics this morning certainly didn't help her sense of humour or should I say the lack thereof. You see, usually Bern has left for work by the time the dogs wake up and begin their methodical destruction of the room, the house and me!! So in desperation and what I thought was my better judgement I locked them outside, this didn't help much, the crying, wailing, scratching was almost worse than their destructive habits. Jinx, however, will stop at nothing to get in, especially if she thinks she's missing out on some fun. They, of course wanted to come in and play with their favourite soft toy.... Mommy's butt!!! I'm sure this dog has a really strange sense of humour, she literally stalks my butt, biding her time until I'm completely oblivious then she pounces, nips, sits back and waits for the girly squeal!!! So imagine, there I am innocently lying on the bed or talking on the phone and with no provocation what so ever....my butt is under attack.....shriek...yelp and off Jinx proudly trots and you can almost hear her giggling!! I thank each day for Jinx who brings a smile or a grimace as the case may be but I cannot imagine a life without Jinx in it!!


This morning I was vacuuming my car and giving it a long overdue spring clean inside, Jinx and Monster Kitty both believed that this was some sort of adventure scrabbling over the seats playing catch -disposing of more hair than the vacuum could cope with!! As is par for the course, while cleaning under the seats I became a springboard to aid and abet their game, but hey all for a good cause!!


Beast, not prepared to be left out attacked the dust brush as I swept the seats and carpets doing the puppy version of a Doberman in full sway...concentrate....pounce....miss modes!!! His lanky puppy legs...well...they just lanky puppy legs...and he hasn't quite mastered the art of being an attack dog yet, after all, he's still a puppy and so waddles, falls and does the drunken man walk to perfection especially when he's concentrating on inflicting pain to my lower limbs or some other unsuspecting victim!!


I don’t need television with my animals, they don’t repeat themselves like DSTV and they give back so much more than I could possibly give them, it’s actually not fair, everyone should be loved and adored by a pet the way I am……You would then understand that Life is for Living.


This all at 6:00am whilst preparations for work were underway….or a semblance of preparation …”and the Mishaps go on”……. all before work!! So in the greater scheme of things dropping a little toilet roll & letting it roll across a room…..shew that’s nothing compared to getting ready for work with the pets!!!
Okay so we all know I’m the magnet for the ridiculous and making an idiot of myself at work….well that just comes naturally…..I honestly don’t do this intentionally I seem to have this innate ability to make a bad situation hilarious at my very own expense!! I suppose this is why I dislike candid camera stories where the victim is made to look so stupid and I am not impressed when they have these telephone prank calls on the radio. I cringe and get so annoyed that they can make fun of someone at their expense; in fact I turn the damn radio off. “Do not belittle anyone is my motto.” Well I need to start putting this into practice for myself. I seem to do this with no effort at all and I believe I have perfected the art of making a fool of myself. I am considering a career change- I may as well get paid for making people laugh at my mishaps.


Like the time I was arranging a conference for a prospective client who was not the easiest person to get an appointment with, in fact he was damn right rude and offensive, but I wanted his business so we arranged a presentation at our offices. As is always the case, we offer coffee and biscuits and I brought the tray and in placed it on the table. I then poured the coffee into the cups, telling myself not to spill which I managed to without a drop. I picked up the client’s cup after adding the correct amount of sugars, handed it to him and let go the cup before he had grabbed it. Have you ever seen how much a coffee cup can hold? It went all over his clothes, all over the presentation documents, along the table, and dripped on the other visitors who were sitting on his side of the table. – Needless to say they left almost immediately and I lost the sale. Gosh I wonder why? I need to run seminars entitled. What not to do when trying to secure the account! I am most certainly the best candidate for this position as I have earned flying colours and working on my maters degree.


Let me re- cap,
1. A complete stranger kissed me in during a presentation
2. I landed up with my head on a clients lap under a desk when I slipped off my chair
3. I tore my pants while visiting a client
4. I poured a cup of hot coffee on my client and his colleagues not to mention the mishaps – clearly I am in the wrong line of work
5. I had a wobbly fit and let Bern know just how miserable I was with my job and lot in life, only to be told that the head office was actually holding on the phone to tell to me and I had blurted it all out before Bern had a chance to tell me.

1. I slipped and did the tap dance of a life time while sorting through freight
2. The toilet was disconnected from the wall and was in the middle of the bathroom door
Oh I could carry on and on. But what is the use; I have to accept my lot is life and contend with the daily mishaps that happen at work.

Unlike my Caitlin who decided work is her playground. Last year during the Christmas time she was bored and decided to decorate the office and herself. Her explanation is “The bosses should never have left me alone in the office!
She covered her desk in Christmas tree lights, and herself and her key board and anything and everything she could possibly find to decorate. Father Christmases, post its, oh it was so sparkly. Then she posted in on Face book for the world to see. My Marie biscuit child (remember she put about 6 – 8 in her mouth one day at work while she was bored) who is now My sparkling child. Only Cait knows how to light up a room, and if she is not doing it well enough she will improvise and provide the extra lighting.


I on the other hand need a light for direction. I have no sense of direction and have been known to get lost going home….no exaggeration. One year we had a conference in Johannesburg and I was based in Ladysmith Natal. So we booked into the hotel and we have our own room and I am feeling oh so grown up and privileged. I unpack, leave my room walk down the passage and open the inter leading door and walk into he broom cupboard. Now this would have been no problem if the damn door didn’t have one of those click door hinges that swing closed quickly and I was surrounded by mops and brooms and buckets. I back out of the cupboard as I did not have room to turn and hoped I had not been seen by anyone. Oh well why would I expect my luck to change, I turned around and there grinning at me like a Cheshire cat was one of my work colleges, Alan who was based in the East London branch, he was standing there and I can only describe his reaction as one of a hyena cackling away at my wrong turn.


Well if course everyone was told at breakfast about my visit to the broom closet, and of course comments were made about me coming out of the closet!!


On these conferences there were the inevitable Jacuzzi parties and I absolutely refused to participate with the bosses in what they referred to as the Cuddle Puddle. This type of behaviour does not interest me at all and how was I ever to respect a boss again once I had seen him in his Speedo with his middle aged spread and watch him grope the sales ladies and then proceed to do the drunk walk down the passage on his way to his room or the dining hall. The next day these very same drunken idiots who were trying to stick their tongues down anyone and everyone throats would expect respect and I am sorry, you earn respect not expect respect. The organizer of the conference was not impressed with the participation of these individuals in the sales conference of the days after a huge party and he most certainly had his revenge. The first day is always the day that everyone lets their hair down and so many of them go completely over board and suffer the consequences the next day.


Terry decided if they wanted to act like cave men then he would make them pay. He arranged a team building exercise which required the men to carry the ladies over flowing water, build rafts, and carry them to the top of these small man made hills and then a hike with them on their backs. They were puking and they were moaning and really sorry for themselves and some of the ladies I must admit were not enjoying the midday sun and the run up the hills. I of course being the saint that I am laughed at them and reminded them that they had only themselves to blame. No wonder I was not popular at these things as I refused to drink and make a fool of myself. I do that without the help of booze!
So here is too more mishaps at work and how I handle them and hopefully one day I will find that internal compass and not get lost – but until then I will use my Navigator to get me where I need to be!