Earlier I had to take a trip to the airport to fetch a consignment going to Howick, and while Bern drove I went through my sms messages and deleted them. I was going through all the files and felt so confident on what I was doing and went into the Inbox and Out Box of the menu and deleted and pressed an option called “review” or something and I will not look it up to tell you what the button said exactly because I am too scared to go back into that dark hole of technology.
I was quite proud of my achievement until I tried to send a sms – nothing happened. I tried again, the message was on my screen but just would not send. So did I stop there, NO; WHY WOULD I; I then went into the menu and played around and totally lost my sms icon on my “Home Page” . Now I was nursing this blinding headache and was so frustrated. Why can they not make things like this simple? In the back of my head I can hear the Mixit on line “helper” mocking me with the “is there not someone who can assist you?” When I was asking about Mixit and wished I had a three year old in my car to help with my phone.
I swear they make these “Things” complicated on purpose so you throw them away and get another one that is “Michelle Friendly” I tried and tried everything I thought possible, pushed buttons, chose option I had not chosen before and the result…. I was not receiving message either. By the time I arrived home for doing the collection at the airport I was past frustrated. I imagined having to contact my Boss in Cape Town and admit to him that I was not the technical genius I had professed to be just a few weeks before when I loaded Neotel. (well he already knows I am no technical Genius – I can’t even delete Skype History or a photo remember – but also keep in mind the computer and cell phone had frozen and I was not able to access it; and NO do not remind me that somehow he managed to switch the computer on without any problems; and NO I have not had feedback on my cleavage shot that was stuck in the photo section of the phone…. I think Erich decided that he will never mention it. Safe Move Erich, because I really think the situation is beyond explaining.) Well I got back and was still fiddling with the phone, - I switched it on and off so many times hoping that my some miracle the phone would realize I had totally lost the plot and somehow fix itself.
Now here is the really CLEVER part, I forgot that Mat has the same phone and I sat there and tried to think how I was going to tell Erich exactly what I did because there was no ways I would even remember the options I chose or the buttons I pressed. However one good thing did come out of it, I did manage to save my name on the phone as the user – and I have no idea where I did that and how I got to that screen! You know these tutorial option mean diddly squat to me and the CD they provide to teach you about your black berry must have been translated from Latin or something as no matter how much I stretch my eyes to try and take it all in, it is still gibberish to me.
Bern is offering to help and she sees my frustration levels are now at a panic level, but I won’t let her see just how stupid I am so I plod on. Eventually about three hours later I give up and suddenly out of the blue I remember Mat has a black Berry as well. I now have re-named my black berry to Black Bloody B phone… and I ask him if he can put the sms icon back on my screen page and fix up what I have done.
Well he takes the phone; gives me that look that he has perfected over the years; one of “How did you ever become my mother?” crossed with “I give up!” and presses a few buttons and the icon is back. So I decide he has not beaten me and I challenge him to try and send a sms. He types in a message – presses send and to my glee, nothing happens. He sees my glee and the glint of pure evil comes into his eyes, I stand there with this feeling of victory and “Oh Yeah oh Yeah” while dancing the victory dance like the American Footballers which is quite a feat for me with my uncoordinated knee – but hey I am pleased. Technology has finally failed Mathew too. So I dance the jig of victory, nearly throwing my hip out as I try to do the Shakira shake your bootie dance and get totally carried away, when he says those dreaded words….”Mom its working; all you had to do was take the battery out and put it back in the everything is functional again!” in such a sarcastic voice I swear I had burn marks on my now scorched body from the contempt in his voice because he was Blessed with such a Dumb mom.
So I gracefully (NOT)I take my phone from him, mumble a thank you and add “I suppose you think you are clever?” skulk off to my couch and sit down and look at the phone with amazement and wonder. Silly, silly stupid phone…….. Why can it just not be a simple phone that kids cannot operate and is designed just for us oldies (well me) and maybe I could feel superior?
With that Mat looked at me and said, ok mom now that we know how to switch to the DVD channel how do you switch back to the TV channel. I smile a sweet innocent smile at him and proudly proclaim…”I have given up watching TV and have decided to enlighten myself with just movies as that was I can choose what I flood my brain with and how often… SO THERE!
This did not have the desired effect, he and Bern almost fell off their chair laughing and through Bern’s tears of laughter she explained, “Baby you are funny and a little bit sad, all you do is push the source button again and you are back to the TV channel.
I give up, why was I not born in this technical era and why did god decided I needed to be humiliated and why did he not bless me with the mind of a genius and the wealth of Rocker Fella so I could hire people to do the things that were beneath me; like tune a TV or work my stupid Black Bloody B cell phone.
I am going to start a help group and call it “Don’t Cry for Me you Techno Geeks, God gave me a good sense of humour to face these challenges and I will overcome!”
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