This past weekend we celebrated my Son Mathew’s 21st and my Daughter Cait’s 19th.
Now the focus was on Mathew as it is the Big coming of Age date. The build up for this 21st was not nearly as stressful as the one for Sarah’s 21st… I think I am becoming quite well trained at these events; however Cait has decided to go overseas for her 21st so I will have less grey hairs by the time her special coming of age date arrives!
Nowadays these functions are too expensive to go the traditional route of Food and Drink being supplied so we had to do the catering ourselves and ask the guests to bring their own Drink. We were very lucky in the food side, we provided the chicken and all the ingredients needed for a good Durban curry and the ladies Bern works with made the curry for us. Wow this was a really amazing curry, although there were a few people asking if we had lost our sense of taste as it was rather “HOT”. Well yes it had a bite but I suppose I have just gotten used to the bite.
Which reminded me of an email I received last year about A CURRY TASTING COMPETITION and I just had to add it to the blog as it’s very funny. I apologize in advance to the author as I have no idea who wrote it and have not asked for permission.
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If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly.
For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
CHILI #2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chili tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chili peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chili peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I am definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone ice-cream.
CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing- it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 - No Report.
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For those with slightly less hardened taste buds like our American Food critic; I made Macaroni and Cheese and lots of salad; and I think the food went down well. I hardly ate that night, just a plate of salads as the nerves had sent my stomach into overdrive and I swear I had the world cup soccer going on inside. I really must learn to calm down. “Note to Self”….. “If you cannot fix it or change it; leave it the hell alone and go with the flow!”
Good words t o live by, my boss says “Send it back to the Universe and let her deal with it”; if only I had learnt that trick. What with my phone not being connected for nearly three months and no Internet for the same period of time, I had worked myself into such a state of feeling ineffectual I actually became ill with the stress of not being able to work properly. Oh well things are sent to test us and I believe I pass most tests except the stress test.
During the speeches at Mats 21st, I made Bern start so I could build up the courage and when I t was my turn; I proudly announced that I loved my son and was so proud of him and thanked him for just being Him. I then added, “Oh by the way the stitches and frantic trips to the MediClinic are now for his account.” If you remember I mentioned previously in my blogs about how accident prone he was; and I recounted the time I rushed off to the emergency clinic dressed in my scrappiest track pants, woolen slippers with holes in and I swear I had this paint covered t-shirt on as I was doing the comfortable look in winter. So I arrived at the MediClinic looking like a rag doll with a little boy who needed stitches on his face and he was so brave and I was a wreck. At the check up the doctor did not recognize me, and when the penny dropped he called me Cinderella!
Mat’s response was, “No Mom the stitches and MediClinic trips only expire when I expire”
“Well thanks for that Matt…. Being a mother of two 21 year olds should have some benefits but clearly I am mistaken.
At least this year I did not receive a phone call on the 9th from their dad who has phoned on this day to wish them happy birthday every year since we divorced and I have had to remind him that that was actually I wedding date and he may still think its special, but really there was no need to phone me. His response would be...no this is a special day and i would remind him that his children were born on the 12th July and we had been married on the 9th and to get over himself now!!
The evening was a great success on the whole and Mat and Cait both received some lovely gifts. I am so grateful for the turn out as it really made the evening filled with laughter and fun.
A few of the guests landed up being locked in the upstairs bathroom at Shireen’s place where the party had moved to for Music and Fun and dance. Shame Matt’s friend was “Locked” in there for about 15 minutes and Cait’s sweet friend Isobel fell victim to the closing door that refuses to open. They pounded and called for help but no one heard them. So they had to wait until the next guest decided to make use of the facilities. It turns out the lock thing had collapsed and even though the door was not locked, the plate was sticking against the locky thing and it jammed tight. The door handle is now hanging on by a thread and Richard and Jamie the ever so wonderful neighbours have promised to have it seen to urgently. This really amused the slightly inebriated guests and we all chortled at their expense. In fact some people little more than slightly inebriated guests rolled on the floor in big guffaws of laughter.
Now you try to creep up the stairs to use the bathroom in the early hours of the morning which seems to be a common thing for us old ducks…, but this is like walking on that bubble wrap because Shireen’s dogs have supersonic ears and the first time I crept up at 05h00 on Friday morning I had to go into their room as the guest bathroom was out of commission.
Well when the dogs barked I nearly rolled/fell all the way down the stairs all the while trying to use my stern trembling Dog Whisperer voice to calm them down, which did absolutely bloody nothing to calm the dogs down. Only Shireen threatening to Kill them stopped them from going ballistic and wow noise travels in a small complex like theirs. I am sure Jamie and Richard (their neighbours) were ready to call the Renta Cops to come and Karate Chop me or shoot me Phew; Phew!!. (gun noise for those who need an explanation)
I gingerly picked myself up off the mid stair I had sat down on in fright and what happens when you need the loo and get a fright…. Yes that’s right there are two options here:-
1. You suddenly don’t need the loo anymore as you have proceeded to pee on the floor
2. You are now so desperate you do the spider walk ever so carefully crossing your legs as you walk and remember to be genteel and ladylike and to trip, skip, waltz and dance to the Loo.
I apologized profusely to Shireen and Michelle for waking them up and they were so gracious in saying Don’t Worry Shell it’s OK. I am sure they were glad to see us leave.
We were very blessed with Bern’s family being so generous with offering us a place to stay and a place to host the 21st. Poor Carol and Vernon were overrun with visitors from our first night there and I thank them for being such so kind to allow us to use their place. Shireen and Michelle Bern’s niece and partner let us sleep there and party at their place as that is the young side of the complex and the residents are used to the noise of a party – unlike Carol and Vernon who are serene and grown up and have quiet neighbours. The funny thing is us old fogies are the ones who actually stayed up later than the youngsters.
Matt and his friend Bertus stayed at Carol’s house and Sarah also slept on their couch. What an incredible weekend. To really make it extra special; Bern played her guitar for us while the young adults played Kings (no I did not play – someone had to be responsible …lol….OK OK, I was not really feeling well enough to drink so I decided not to play!)
Our Family (Bern’s Family is my family after all) really showed us that we are welcome and I have to say it was a good Party and I hope everyone had fun. Bern’s mom was as regal as ever and Annie was so cute with her posing with Mathew for the obligatory photos. I was particularly pleased to see my Aunt from Centurion and my dear Friend Gadija and her amazing husband Kenny for the 21st.
To all my Girls, Sarah, Cait, Shireen and Michelle thank you for your help, your love and support and for just being the absolute best Girls in the West! I adore you and you are awesome.
Carol and Vernon thank you for opening your home to my family and for being so generous with your home and love.
For the friends who attended and for those who read my blog, and who mailed me on Face book thank you for sharing in the celebration of Mats 21st and Cait’s 19th – without you this event would have been bland and I would have nothing to write about.
To Greg – Cait’s Richard’s Brother – Don’t worry, I won’t feel your butt again, but you have to admit, you enjoyed it and the guest certainly were entertained. That will teach you for ignoring me and choosing my friend Val to make eyes at last year October…lol…. And no it was not for longer than a minute – 30 seconds tops!!
Thank you for your gifts and well wishes and for enjoying Mat and Cait’s day with us. Cait don’t forget your plans…. You are going overseas, you poor mom cant handle the stress of arranging another 21st as I will have to start admitting I am now a mom of 3 21 year olds and will have to throw away the slinky underwear and start wearing Granny Panties!!!
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