Courage over adversity

Pondering the bigger picture after adversity

I am sure we all have days when we sit and ponder (another excuse for not wanting to work or face the challenges we have in our life) Like that poster I saw as a teenager
"Sometimes I sit and think and sometimes I just sit!"

This weekend was a weekend of relaxing and watching the sea and looking at life from a couch with a glass of wine in my hand. We talked about my children and the paths they have chosen and about how things in life have chose our paths for us. For example, that hostile and horrific invasion we had in our home 9 years ago and how some people use this adversity to change their lives and they become public speakers or write books about self growth or somehow help other people.

Not me, I have no excuse for not helping other people; their situations were no less tragic than mine or no more tragic than mine in the bigger picture of life. No, I just got on with life and decided that I would not let the joy be robbed from me or my family. Bernadette and my family pretty much decided on the same thing and yes we have days when the flash backs are so horrific that we can be forgiven for a complete melt down.I had one of those the other day and to my absolute embarrassment and sheer humiliation it happened at work and was triggered off by work.

There was this collection that needed to be done in an area that every company we spoke to refused to go into. Well one of the staff members from my head office decided to take the boss’s instructions to get me INVOLVED and translated it in a mail to me, telling me to go and collect the parcel.

I sat at my desk and read the mail and re-read the mail... I felt my temperature rise and decided to phone the boss to tell him ABSOLUTELY NOT. Well I dialed the number – asked for him only to be told he was not available – “pause” then I asked for the person who sent the mail.

This is when my body was invaded by an alien who just went off and exploded and had a complete melt down and used language a sailor would be ashamed of. The conversation was supposed to go something like this
“Hello……. Um listen about that collection, no sorry I can’t do it, it’s not possible as it’s a danger zone, please tell the boss to find another solution”

……..This is how it went
“Hello…. Shriek, scream, pause for breath, what the %^&* do you think you doing asking me to go into an area that other companies have already refused to go in. Are you ^^$% insane, do I mean that little to the company?” Now the hysteria hit me and this flash back hit my like a tidal wave that totally overwhelmed me and took me to a place I had locked away and hoped to never see again. Then insanity took over and the water works of the world landed up in my eyes and the sobbing could only be described as the woes of the world on one person shoulders, and rage and anger and complete terror.

I subjected the poor, apologetic person to my tirade of verbal and hysterical abuse while they were trying to console me. Now this man is gentile and so helpful and most definitely did not deserve my outburst and I think he needed therapy after I just lost it and an apology just does not cover it – thank goodness he is still talking to me.

It took me ages to calm down and the memory still makes me feel humiliated. All I should have done was JUST SAY NO! Hmmmmmm well I will try that next time before I am possessed by the crazy person who took over my normal calm demeanor and turned it into a jumble or fear, hate, terror and an avalanche of tears.

Just say No! is what my Boss told me to do once I had managed to calm down and it took some serious scolding from her to get me to calm down and admonishment for my ever thinking they would or could suggest sending anyone into a danger Zone! As I said earlier, my sanity took a quick departure out my normally calm head and I turned into this person I never want to be again.

Well saying NO Hmmmmmm - that is not something I am very good at saying. I have tried, and last year I tried it on the wicked Land Lady, and guess what it did not work, I was threatened and stalked and had my electricity switched off during Christmas by her cruel vindictive nature and so help me I swear she must have swallowed an alien as no alien would have dared to actually approach her face to face. She is one scary woman.

Now I am not a coward. In fact since the attack, I have realized that other than a repeat of being attacked, there is nothing humans can actually do to me to break my spirit. Oh sure they can bend it and maybe change my direction for a short while, but in truth I am actually a survivor and this I am sure has given my ex-husbands a few grey hairs at their inability to actually destroy me. And those so-called friends who swore allegiance to the death who were in secret plotting my demise and trying to get me fired. If the attackers did not succeed in destroying me or my family, I say to them BRING IT ON, you haven't seen me at my best.

The attack and ATTEMPTED rape of Bern and Sarah is something I find very hard to talk about, but my hope is that this event may help someone out there who is still struggling with the aftermath and that maybe it will give them a bit of peace to realize that life does carry on. In order for me to do that I will give what I hope to be a brief outline of what happened, but the important thing for the reader to keep in mind is that during this whole event, Bern, Sarah and I were being protected by a stronger force. So this is what I will tell you about. Now whatever your beliefs are and whomever you pray to is not the debate. I will tell you this much, we do have a force out there that does protect us and we can call him or her WHAT EVER we want. I most probably shouldn’t even get into this, but after that emotional breakdown I think I need to put it down in words so please don’t stop reading because our beliefs differ or you find the whole thing horrific. I can assure you we survived and are stronger because of it.

That e-mail I mentioned above telling me to go into a danger zone just opened up the door to the horrors of that evening.

I have spent this week trying to put it behind me and move on and have had severe headaches like you cannot believe and to add to this I have the pressures of agents not doing their work and small things seem to send me over the edge and things that I cope with daily are just too much for me and this makes me so angry that I want to just throw in the towel and runaway; but as I said I am no coward and have accepted that I need to deal with it all over again. So this is my story. You can read on or not. It’s your choice totally


We were woken by torches in our faces at what is known as the dead time of the night. 3.00am when we humans are at our deepest sleep and are at our most vulnerable. I awoke with a scream which woke my Sarah up and one of the intruders went to her room and dragged her at knife point into Bern and my room.

I knew immediately that we were in serious danger, and whispered to Bern that they were going to rape us and then god willing kill us. Bern said she knew. I was shaking and trying to not show Sarah how scared I was and was holding her hand while she sat next to the bed... the one bastard lay on top of me to stop me from moving and searched the bed for weapons and under the pillows asking where my husband was and the other one held a knife to Bern’s throat also looking for weapons.

The intruder who was on my side of the bed was not so gentle when he was searching under the bed with me and the invasion of his stinking breathe and hands is one that still makes me shudder as he groped my body and invaded me. That invasion this pigs hands is something I haven’t even shared with Bern or my family.

The details are not important but the divine intervention is what I need to share. We realized we were in trouble and all three of us began to pray. This infuriated the invaders of our world and they turned even more violent and tried to break us.They shouted that our God would not help us and taunted me with the fact that Matt and Cait were asleep and they were going to have fun with them afterwards. something no mother ever wants to hear. and the instinct to protect them took over and a mother Will die to protect her children. At one point I have to say I was not of this world anymore - i was strangled and Bern and Sarah had to watch helpless as I left this earth - and we have all heard of the journey through the light and the “Meeting with our Maker”, I physically experienced this. I was in this place of love and warmth and my dear mother was there too telling me I could let go and I would not have to worry about my children.

I experienced it all and more and seeing my mother was such a gift and gave me such comfort. Our Maker’s voice was so warm and healing and I felt no pain and was filled with love and peace and gratitude and once again words fail me when trying to describe this divine experience. I was given the choice to come back, which obviously I chose to come back for my children. I was clearly targeted by the intruders as I am the Mother and considered the dangerous one in an attack on her children so they decided to destroy me first. Well they failed miserably. When the strangling did not work I was stabbed in the head and arm and chest and punched in the face.


What was obvious in the bedroom was the change of the temperature, it became cooler and by now Sarah had been moved into the bed between Bern and I and they had to watch me being stabbed and strangled. But we never once lost faith and after my visit with our maker I knew we would not be harmed seriously and would survive the ordeal. We were surrounded by the an angel, he had his wings wrapped around us, and the living proof of this is that I am still here, as one of the intruders stabbed me in my chest with all his might and it only penetrated about 3mm- NOT FURTHER and it was our very own carving knife so believe me when I tell you it was sharp and huge, it was deflected off the Angel’s wings. Both Sarah and Bern will testify to this.

We were not alone and we were being protected. We three ladies all heard this voice in our head, (not the type from booze or drugs ok) telling us to wait. I was locked in a cupboard and the two animals decided it was time to try and have their disgusting way with Bern and Sarah, and in the darkness of the cupboard, I could hear this voice telling me to wait, because I was in deep prayer and every time I closed my eyes the cupboard was bathed in this brilliant white luminous colour which has no description. I have tried to describe the white brilliance with tinges of gold but am absolutely powerless to describe it. And the face of Our Lord was etched his silhouette of his face from when he was crucified when I closed my eyes. The cupboard was in complete darkness and when I opened my eyes there was no shining light.

For those of you who know the bible, Veronica wiped Jesus’ face with a cloth and the imprint of his face was left behind on the cloth. Now this is what I saw every time I closed my eyes. The comfort this gave me and the courage this gave me is the only reason I was able to come through this attack. I really cannot give this the full description and amazement it deserves as the words have not been invented to describe this beauty or this power. The only way to describe it is divine intervention.

Well the cupboard was supposed to be locked with me in it, but this was not the case and I opened it just enough to try and see how I could help MY Bern and my Sarah. All the while I wanted to rush out and attack them with all my stab wounds on my head and my seriously hurt throat from the strangling, but the voice was insistent. ‘WAIT – WAIT – WAIT and then the words I was longing to hear “NOW”

We all reacted at the same time. I still describe it as God direction a movie and when he said Now – it can be translated into the producer of a movie saying ACTION – WELL ALL REACTED IN UNISON. Sarah, Bern and myself and caught them totally off guard. Bern grabbed the knife that was at her throat and shoved the animal off her and as she did that I kicked the door of the cupboard open and knocked him flying into the dressing table; Sarah kicked the other sick animal off her and he ran away in terror.

These violent sick bastards ran like the cowards they are and even though we needed stitches and Bern had to have micro surgery on her hand, and I needed a Knee reconstruction as a result of my trying to get help and a jump over a wall which was not so low on the other side of the wall. Total reconstruction of the knee and all plates and all the stuff that goes with it. My children were not harmed just as my mother had told me when I was in the bright light with her and our Maker.

Sadly we lost two of our wonderful German Sheppard’s to their poison and this still makes my heart stop at their cruelty. We survived and lived to testify at their court case and have the relief of knowing that they would never see the light of day in the free world ever again. (Well here’s hoping because in South Africa even the worst criminals in the “Most” secure prisons escape with the help of the authorities if the money is right!) But I will leave that part in the hands of our creator and trust him to keep everyone safe from these serial rapists. My memory has been affected when it actually comes to their names and I choose to leave it like this. As far as I am concerned they do not deserve to have a name nor have their names spoken ever again.

The Inspector in charge of their spree of violence and carnage was such a tower of strength, however after the case was finalized he had to leave that particular department because of the carnage he witnessed and the lives that were destroyed by these two individuals. In total 11 families were destroyed by their evil attacks and even children were not spared. I still ask myself why it was only our family that was spared the final humiliation and invasion, but I also thank God everyday that we were spared from their real intentions and evil forever be in awe of his amazing power and the power of prayer.

We were also overwhelmed and most grateful for the people who stepped into help us. Friends stayed with us while we were in a state of shock in the house. My sweat friend Andrew slept in our room while Bern, Sarah, Cait and Mat all slept in adjoining rooms barracked in. Andrew had to deal with kittens and two moms who had given birth a few weeks previously and they attacked him all night and he was such a source of comfort and love and support. There was one incident where he nearly shot the poor domestic who was also staying in the house for safety, but thank goodness he realized it was her before he pulled the trigger. Needless to say she moved back outside to her place of residence after that night. She must have thought it was safer than being in the house with the terrified family.

Clients who Bern dealt with at work came and put up security gates at their own expense and secured our sleeping areas. My colleagues at work drove me to see clients and fetched and carried me for appointments with the physio. Bern’s family sent us away for a week of recovery with hot water springs and we were able to take back control of our lives and heal and face life with a smile again and tremendous courage.

We were so blessed by our friends – acquaintances and complete strangers and once the ordeal was over and we were on our way back to an almost semblance of normal, these wonderful people retreated into the shadows – just like angels and we did not hear from them again. Angels I absolutely believe take human form to help in times of crisis and need.

The people who acted like angels, I thank you, for the angels who acted like humans – I thank you. I thank God daily and for my Family and Bern I thank them daily for their support and understanding. For Bern who risked her life and took a chance by grabbing the knife and nearly lost the use of her hand as well as being stabbed in her attempt to prevent the attack form going any further, I thank her for saving my Sarah from ………..Hmmmmmm cant even say it. I will forever be grateful and thankful for her courage.

So this is my story, edited and watered down. I have written it so that I can once again put the ghosts in the past and face another day. I hope that in some way this may help others who have experienced some sort of crime in this very crime ridden society we live in – know they are not alone and we all share the pain and the courage to carry on.

So next time you ponder life and wonder why and how can we survive, just know that we as humans are not alone and no matter how terrible things are we can turn to each other for help. Just watch the sunset in its Magnificent Glory and its is more than obvious that we are not in charge of our destiny and sometimes it's nice to know that your vehicle through life is been driven by a co-driver when you feel you just can't face another day.